Four Day Weekend

I am going to enjoy this 4 day weekend.

I don’t have any plans for Labor Day tho. I miss the days when ALL of us came together for a bar-b-q and just partied and had a good time. You know like a family is supposed to. I miss that. It makes me want to have a little family of my own. My very wise and smart man says “no we cannot afford” and you know he is soo right. Babies are cute but I need to figure out a way to pay for that booger first.

I was thinking, with all these women getting knocked up with no father in the picture, it does make me wonder are the women the ones convincing the men to impregnate them.

I started getting baby fever around age 22 and I would bring up to my ex from time to time that we should have a little one but he would always quickly knock down my idea.

I bring it up from time to time with Bj and he says “not right now”, but I know if I continued to press the issue I could easily convince him to have one with me.

I just wonder how many men that have impregnated these women were unwilling parties.

You know most men are easy to talk into doing stuff especially when they care about you. They love to please us ladies.

Even if the men were talked into getting their woman pregnant it does not excuse them from taking care of the baby once it is here and the relationship doesn’t work out like they had hoped.

I am just saying, I bet it was a lot of women that talked these men into getting them pregnant when they were not ready and now are mad because they not taking care of it.

Bj has a baby mama. A couple actually. It was one of the reasons that I did not want to get with him in the beginning but he won me over. Baby Mama #2 just came back into his life last year and has really been a thorn in his side because he is not being the father he should right now.

I don’t know how I feel about that. He doesn’t want to deal with her for a couple of reasons. The girl talks to him crazy every time she does call. I am not used to that. I told him I am the only one that gets to talk to you crazy like that lol. She is not fucking you anymore. But I digress. I know it is probably hard on her doing it all on her own.

Also he doesn’t just get to have the boy whenever he wants. He can’t just go get him. He has to play by her rules. She has to come along whenever he decides to do something with him. He says he wants to wait until he is older to be in his life because he does not want to deal with her. I would probably feel the same way no kidding but he did decide to have a child with her so the kid should not get punished because of the way his mother is.

I also don’t want to be the reason he is not in this child’s life which he says I am not. He tells me I am the reason that he will be in his life sooner than later because I always ask about the boy and if he has talked to him. Whenever the girl calls I do push him to answer. I don’t know if thats right or not. I don’t think I should be forcing him to be in the boy’s life but I know if I pressured him about it he would be more active in it. Funny but my opinion on this matters to him a lot. I am going to stop doing that tho. Its not my kid and I don’t want to be like his baby’s mother forcing him to see the boy when the child is not mine lol.

He made me mad though when we broke up ……for a day lol . He did tell the girl he would start seeing the boy more so I told him that makes me feel like I am the one coming in between you and seeing your child. Why?

N T Way.

I hope everyone has a good Labor Day weekend. I will enjoy my time off even if  I don’t do anything else. Maybe we can catch a movie or something. We haven’t did anything in awhile as a couple.

Wooop Wooop

Big Brother is coming back on Sunday!! Yeaaaaa!!!! I love this show. I got my bf hooked on it too. He gets hooked on all the shows I watch in exhange I guess he has gotten me hooked on his boxing and he gets me to watch stupid shows with him like that darn stupid Adam Sandler movie we just watched: You Don’t Mess With The Zohan. Stuff like that does not hold my attention span at all and it doesn’t help that the older I get the more my attention span seems to wan but I still watch it with him.

I had really wanted my boyfriend to get on Big Brother, no kidding, because he soo competitive and good at everything that he does. They did come to The H too but I think we were arguing that day soo I was too stubborn to tell him so that he could go to the auditions that night. I tell him all the time he need to go on American Gladiator, Big Brother, Survivor, Amazing Race, hell one of those to win us some money lol. He is a natural athlete so he would excel at all of those shows. I wonder if there will be any black people on this season of Big Brother. They always have to have at least one token black. I mean can we get a few blacks this time instead of 1?

Nothing much really going on . The day I called My Aunt and made up with her she had asked about my bf and how he was doing. He just happened to be going to get his hair braided that day and I had told her that. Anyways he ended up not going at all but I had mentioned to My Aunt that he did not like the way this lady braids his hair. That sparked a conversation about how she used to do our hair when we were kids and on how freaking tight she used to braid us kids hair when were little. I told her that I mentioned to my boyfriend he would probably like it if she braided him up. I didn’t mention that to her just to have her say well tell him I’ll do his hair for him. I was just telling her about our conversation but before we got off the phone she said call me when your boyfriend wants to get his hair done. I was like ok thats nice of her. Then I told my bf about that and he got mad at me because I didn’t mention to her that he wanted her to do it now. Ummm how was I supposed to know…I didn’t know…I could have sworn he had already called Ms Peg in my face for her to do his hair that day.

The braid thing just happened to come up in conversation but I was thinking when I got off the phone with her damn she probably thought my whole intentions for calling in the first place was for her to do his hair lol. I know how she says she always feels sombody is using her for something. I feel that way sometimes too so we are the same.

Good Nite.

Hi, I’m Christina, and I am a Snob

HI, CHRISTINA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL

I called my Aunt today. I don’t know. I kind of missed the old gal. I read a quote the other day about life being bland or other and people add the flavor. I believe at age 26 and after oh soo many loss of loved ones I do get it. I used to be like “oh I got my man (but where is his ass now?) and I don’t need them” or “Oh them people don’t even much care about me, they don’t even call me” “They just happy to be rid of me”. Maybe its all me. Maybe that isn’t what it is. I don’t know but I guess it isn’t right for me to just sit around expecting people to call me and to go out of their way to be apart of my life and to show me they care. I am not used to it, but I am going to have to make more of an effort too if I want to stay in contact since these people got this idea in their head that I want to be left alone. Baby steps.

But anyways I call her. She didn’t answer at first, but she called me back after about 30 minutes. We started talking and gossiping like old times. I shared with her the fact that man I feel soo alone in this world sometimes and basically she said to me I seem like I don’t like people. That hurt. It is true that I have never been much of a people person. I am quiet and to myself most of the time but I never want to give off the vibe, especially to my family, that I don’t like them. She was like yea you seem kind of snobbish and act sometimes like you don’t want to be bothered. Man I have been hearing this shit since I was a kid. I have been called a bitch and stuck-up all throughout my childhood. However to me it is just a presumption some people make before they get to know me. I don’t think I am better than anyone. I just come across that way to some people.

Wait a minute. I did a yahoo search on the word snob and came up with this:

How To Prevent Acting Snobbish

Sometimes people act snobbish because they really are snobbish, while others just seem to come across as a snob without intending too. Whether you really are snobbish at heart or not, follow these steps to prevent yourself from acting snobbish.

Ok so lemme read on and see if I am really a snob or if I just come across that way??? I mean I wanna know now.

Step1

• Understand that most people view a snob as someone who thinks that they are better than most other people are. Sometimes this reflects the person’s background, such as how their parents raised them or their financial status. On the other hand, a snob might think they are smarter intellectually than others are.

Now, I definitely don’t think I am better than anyone. Honestly. I am pretty great but I know there are people somewhere in this world ( I mean its quite funny I haven’t come across them tho..just kidding) that look better than me and are way better off than I am . However I admit my attitude does say differently sometimes. I do carry myself in a way that could be considered having my nose in the air but thats just my swagger. Sorry you don’t like it but It’s all an act. Its hard for me to just relax and be myself around people unless I really really know you and am comfortable around you. Soooo wow I am really getting to know myself right now and trying to be my own psychiatrist. LOL, but I guess my psychiatrist would say that the way I carry myself is just me hiding behind my own insecurities and where some people you see carry themselves with confidence mine just comes across as being arrogant instead of confident all because I don’t smile with it. I think thats it. Its all because 1. I’m quiet. 2. I am too much off to myself. 3. I have a hard time smiling. 4. I am not friendly. And if I carried myself the same way I do now and talked more to people, wasn’t soo much to myself, and smile more and befriended them my snobbishness would then be viewed as a confidenct butterfly. To sum this all up I should smile more I guess and adjust my attitude.

I also think this is really also just something else that I inherited from my father’s side(I get all my bad traits from him). I have heard comments from my mom’s side of the family that his family are a little stuck up. Also when I look at my niece who is my brother’s child I see parts of myself in her. She is 11 and her mother has said people see her sometimes as thinking she is all that when she really is a sweetie pie. I do see it tho. Its just the way she carries herself. She walks tall with her head held high but like me she doesn’t have a smiley disposition so she always looks bored. When I take her out I am always looking at her to make sure she is entertained and if she is having fun it doesn’t really show on her face. So I always ask “D you ok?” She tells me “I am fine. I am having fun.” I try to smile more but It is soo hard. I have to always have my mind on smiling for me to just look like that. And I am sorry but life is moving too fast for me to just always be self consciously thinking about smiling. Too much work. I smile and then a few seconds later I am right back to my regular ole mean mugging bored as hell look.

Step2

• Remember that you should accept other people for who they are. The world would be a very boring place if everyone was the same. People are different and that’s what makes them who they are.

I do accept people for who they are thats why I don’t understand why people don’t just accept me for who I am …NEXT!

Step3

• Respect everyone you meet. This doesn’t mean that you have to be their best friend, but say “hello,” smile and be friendly. Show a genuine interest in other people and show concern for issues that they may be dealing with. Have concern for people’s feelings.

I could use a little work on this but if anyone goes out of their way to talk to me I do smile and greet them with a warm hello. I do show concern for peoples issues. I am sometimes blunt and direct so I could do a little better about having concern for their feelings but thats just me.

Step4

• Look at yourself. Decide what makes you come off as a snob. Maybe you are so busy and thinking about your life, you don’t smile at people. This would make you look like a snob. On the other hand, maybe you grew up as a very popular person, and began to think subconsciously you were better than some people were.

The highlighted part is definitely me and my bf has told me that I look soo serious sometimes kinda like I wanna kill someone. I am such a serious person and I am an Aquarius remember so we smart, always thinking and creating new ideas so I don’t really have time to think about a smile and guess thats what it is all boiling down too. A smile. My Aunt even said I should smile more. Damn my father and his bad traits giving me his unsmiling grouchy face look.

Step5

• Be outgoing when you are around other people. Be talkative and initiate conversations with people. Sometimes being shy and quiet can make people mistakenly think that you are actually being snobbish.

And this will never be me. I have come out of my shell a lot since school days but I have never been the talkative type. I am me. Its funny how this article says to accept people for who they are but I have to change me.

But to sum it all up yes I will try to smile more been trying to do this for years tho. To my aunt No I am not a snobb . I may have snobbish ways but if you take to time to get to know me and look past the exterior you may like what you see.

-The Farthest I Can Please You Is To Just Be Me. I Stay True And Say How I Feel .. And Thats Really Too Bad If You Don’t Like My Swag..

Lonely

I am an Aquarius so I am always thinking thinking thinking which tends to cause problems for me because I get really depressed when I think and am faced with MY REALITY. I hate feeling sorry for myself. Like woe is me…nobody loves me…but after feeling that way and having a good cry about it I always somehow feel better.

I usually avoid this by trying to not think about the fact that I am lonely but when I think about it and I go over all that I have went thru and what I am left with I get depressed. I try to be optimistic about the situation like “oh God is blessing me to have a steady job and survive and be able to pay bills” but life is about more than just that isnt it.

When I overthink things too it causes problems for me and my bf because I push him away. I become afraid of someone else in this world leaving me yet again that I try to push him away before he leaves. I just don’t think that I could suffer thru it anymore. He always tries to convince me of how much he really loves me and he shoudn’t have to do that. One day I am going to push him away and he will be gone forever. Its happened almost twice already that I ran him off but he came back. My ex did this to me so I should know how it feels to be pushed away. I put up with it for close to 7 years and now I am treating my bf like this when he is a good person and doesn’t deserve it. He deserves to be happy which is why he shouldn’t be with me.

I do depend on my bf too much for my own happiness and I am afraid of that. He brings me soo much happiness and makes me forget all about my loneliness that if we break up I wouldn’t die but I would want to. I took a big lost when my father died in Sept and when me and my aunt fell out yet again because those two where the only ones that I felt who cared about me because they called and checked up on me a lot.

Lately I have been thinking, and yes my crazy self did tell my boyfriend this If he decided to one day kill me no one would miss me? No on in my family calls to check on me. I don’t have any friends. Lord my body could lay up in this house for at least a year and no one would even know it.

I mean what is it about me. God doesn’t give you too much to handle they say and I am able to handle it but why should I have to. I dealt with my mothers death, my brother’s death, me and my ex breaking up, my fathers death, me and my aunt no longer talking and having no friends.

When I went to my cousin’s wedding, I was embraced and I felt like I was apart of the family. People I haven’t seen in years was hugging me and looking at me strangely making it seem like I am the one being the outsider. They only know what they are told and that isn’t the case. They make it seem like I am the one that doesn’t want to come around. The only way I feel they should be able to say that is if they were actually making an effort too and I was not responding to their effort. No one calls me and no one invites me over on holidays and I think that is really shitty to be honest because they know that I don’t have any family so the nice thing to do would be to invite me at least. Thats what a family is supposed to do. Instead they leave me out and just go on about their business acting like “oh Chris just want to be by herself and she doesn’t want to come around us or whatever so forget about her.” At least thats what it seems like how they are acting.

I have always been kind of quiet and to myself so its hard for me to take the initiative but why is it soo hard for them to embrace me. On Independence day I pointed all this out to my bf he was like why don’t you call them. Why should I have to? He mentioned before that they were the big group so some shit about me having to go to the group instead of them coming to me. Umm okay so If I dont go to the group as you say they just leave me out. Why should I even care? I used to not care but like I said things have been difficult for me since I lost my father.

I been taking a long look at myself like what is about me that makes people not want to embrace me. As a child I was spoiled and I got all the attention. Everyone loved me. I had more friends in elementary school than I ever did. My house was the place to be. All that changed around the age of 11. I know I am not the friendly type but alot of people are not friendly and have alot of friends. Why can’t people accept me. I am not a bad person.

I love writing in this blog it’s soo therapeutic. I want to write more often but I am lazy. But yea even with this blog I have what 2 readers. I may have more but they don’t comment. I am thinking about just making it my own private blog since no one reads it anyway.

Maybe I should start a family of my own. I sound like one of them kids off of talk shows wanting to have a baby so that I could have someone to love me but no I want to have a baby to replace the family that I don’t have. I told the boyfriend I wish I could have 10 kids. If I had the money I would adopt all of the unloved kids in the world that have lost their family or have been thrown away and made to feel unwanted.

For those of you that have a loving family be happy about that. If you have an overprotective mother relish that. Don’t take that for granted please. You never know what you have until its gone.

Love Is…

“Love is considered the most basic emotion that human awareness can feel; therefore, it is the closest to the source of life.”

–Deepak Chopra in Ageless Body, Timeless Mind

I was a Bridezilla and I wasn’t even the bride…lol

As you all know from a previous post my cousin tied the knot recently. It was a beautiful ceremony or so I heard. I wouldn’t know because I did miss it.

Lawd hammercy I felt like the bride the way I was running around getting ready for HER wedding. My boo got off around 2 ish and he did have a nice shirt to wear that he had only wore once however he did need to buy some dress pants and a tie (he didn’t want to wear one tho but I insisted). I basically already had my dress and only needed some stockings and accessories to complete my look. So why o why did I want to go look for another dress? I wasn’t really comfortable with the dress I did have . I thought it was plain and I wanted to get something else. It really was a nice dress tho I was just tripping. So we ended up wasting an hour at Ashley Stewarts trying on dresses when I ended up not getting a new dress but I did come out with a nice silver chain necklace and some silver earrings. Thats ALL I should have went there for in the beginning.

Off we went to Walmart to get boo his slacks and a tie..relatively easy. Men are soo easy to shop for I swear. When we came out of Walmart, I remembered I needed stockings so we stopped by Cato’s across from Walmart. Cato’s is where I always buy stockings but this particular Cato’s doesn’t sell stockings…..ummmm this is the beginning of my simmering upset-ed-ness. From here I had no idea where to get stockings. I don’t go to church and never wear dresses so I had no clue? Sooo from there we just went back to the house to get dressed. By the time we got there it was already after 4…I am steaming now because I am trying to get ready but at the same time upset that I have no stockings. We both have to take showers and I have to do my makeup so I already know that I am going to be late to this shindig.

Damn my honey looked good all shaved up and dressed. I looked quite sexy myself. We ended up leaving the house 10 minutes to 5 o clock and the wedding starts at 5 and it was on the other side of town and I still had to go find some stockings. If my legs was shaved up I probably would have lotioned them babies and said forget it. I had no time to shave and didnt even have a razor so off we went to Walmart where we were originally at before because I all of a sudden remembered that they sold stockings. I had forgot. Doesn’t matter because they didn’t even have my size. I need to lose some fucking weight for real. You just don’t know how mad that  fucking made me. I spent close to 30 minutes opening up stockings and trying them on in a dirty as bathroom. Some uknown wetness on my foot (my guess piss…eww!!) I must have tried on at least 5 pairs and none of them worked. I guess I stole ‘em because I left them all there in that restroom and didn’t pay for shit. I am not even that trifling but I was that day. I was too thru.

But I had to do something. My legs wasn’t shaved….I wasn’t comfortable with the dress because I felt it was too short for me so I put on a pair of ugly ass black pants in the restroom, scanned the tag at self-checkout and called it a day. I was too mad and exhausted and felt ugly because I had been sweating from my little adventure and my makeup wasn’t looking as fresh as it was 30 minutes before and boy was I glad my boyfriend did not come inside with me because i would have been too embarrasssed. Hell I told him later he should have come in with me because I knew that dress was too short I felt like a piece of meat the way every guy was eyeing me. I don’t know how you girls do it but I am soo uncomfortable with all that attention. I sometimes be like dang I don’t get looked at much anymore since I gained weight but hell if I want the attention all I got to do is put on that dress and go inside of Walmart I will get more attention than I bargained for ….everytime!

Anyway when I got in the truck I didn’t even wanna go but I knew that I had to because it was my cousins wedding and I told her I was coming. Man I was soo freaking frustrated. I fixed my makeup in the car mad that I made him wear a tie but me looking all stupid with a dress and some pants on. And to top it off it started raining. He tried to talk me out of going but i told him do you want our wedding to not have any patrons because best believe if I don’t show up for hers she will not be at mine. I know my family. So we got to their side of town pretty fast. It was almost 6 when we got there. Th reception was down the street from the church and when we saw the last people was leaving the church we just headed to the reception hall.

Long story short I ended up having a good time. I saw some people I hadn’t seen in years. Me and my man looked like celebrities I swear compared to the way some people showed up there. Some dude had on jeans and a t-shirt. My man was like “see that boy hood mayne thats what I’m talking about.” I just looked at him. The food was fantabulous. I love my uncle cooking. Her daddy payed for everything. I am shocked. They did have beer, Gin, and Vokda. I drunk a couple of beers and baby had some some Vodka straight. They only gave him a couple of shots each time and he was mad because he didn’t get tipsy. We only buy 100 proof. But all was well when my cousin Irene showed up. We a month apart and I hadn’t seen this girl in soo long. We went to her truck and got blowed on some green before we left and all was well lol.

Oh and me and my Aunt kinda made up . Remember we kinda fell out in this post http://misschriss.wordpress.com/2008/02/23/update-my-aunt/ but i love my aunt and have since forgiven long time ago I let go. I just know to keep my guard up. My cousin actually called me the day of the wedding and mentioned my aunt called her to say if I didnt have a ride she would take me but did not want to call me. Funny. At the wedding she was asking my bf when he was going to make it official with me. Embarrassing. Putting him on the spot like that. They started discussing rings and she told him that she knew of a hook up she could let him in on because I told her he didn’t have the money for the ring. Funny I was like should ya’ll really be discussing this around me. Really? I felt like I really was loved and had family because of the way I was embraced but you know how it is everybody wanna act like a family on weddings and funerals and then back to how it originally was. Oh well.

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Happy Easter!

Well I am hoping everyone had a great Easter holiday. Me and BJ got out and went to Dave n Buster’s. We desperately needed to get out and just get away from it all to clear our heads and play games and get back to enjoying each other. Now having said that, before I get to what happened at Dave n Busters, I am going to tell you that me n BJ haven’t been getting along soo well lately *gasp* . Yes, this is true. This perfect relationship – perfect communication- my knight in shining armour-man out of romance novel-man I put on a pedestal- oh I finally found a man that “gets me”- oh he is soo patient with me-oh he makes me want to become a betta person- yea him well he is just regular ole BJ now.

Now please don’t get me wrong he is still a great guy, but in case you didn’t know , I am going to tell you -“I am kind of a big deal” ( I want that shirt lol). Yea, I am a lot to handle and I can tell he is slowly running out of patience with me. Props to him for lasting soo long. My ex lasted almost 7 years but I had met my match in him so we just learned how to put up with each other shit for far too long. Men fall in love with me quickly because I got it going on *toot toot* I am pretty, I am a big girl but I wear it well, I keep myself up (meaning like hair, makeup, and clothes not exercise-wise lol), I have a nice smile, I am kindhearted, I am laid-back (as long as things are going my way), I am a great cook, I am independent chick, I got my own house, keeps it clean, ok job, no kids, know how to cater to my man, know how to stroke an ego, oh my wonderful qualities are endless.

Now as the relationship progresses, than thats when they began to see my bad qualities. Not that I was hiding those bad qualities or anything. Hell its hard for me to hide them. Them other people (in my head) just come out on their own. I try soo hard to fight it but I am an emotional person so I just react..I mean overreact lol. Gotta laugh at yourself right? I am soo honest to where I am sometimes too blunt. I told BJ from the jump how I was. He told me that I could not be any worse than what his ex was. I said “O.K.” .Altho Easter Sunday he ended up telling me I was acting like his ex *sighs*. And yes I am honest with myself I can point out my bad qualities to you. I am stubborn, I can be selfish because I like to have my way but only about some things–it’s complicated because I like to let him have his way too because I am a people pleaser. I don’t know I guess only when I want my way thats when it become a problem. I am spoiled but this kinda cancels itself out because I like to spoil him too, I am an attention grabber (unlike other spoiled folks I don’t want your attention I just want the attention of the ones that I love), I overreact, I over analyze things, I am critical, I haven’t mastered the art of “letting stuff go”, I bring shit back up, I fight over small shit that pisses me off, oh my bad qualities are endless. So while he may wanna leave its hard because he knows that I am a really good person and frankly when its good its good but when its not good well it can get real ugly.

Seriously now I can’t change myself completely and I wouldn’t want to but I am trying to work on the OVERREACTING and the LETTING SMALL STUFF GO. I think if I work those 2 out we’ll be fine. It’s gonna be hard. BJ is not innocent. He needs to work on the ALWAYS WANTING TO BE RIGHT and GOING BACK TO BEING PATIENT WITH ME (ya know before I wore his patient button out) and BEING ATTENTIVE TO ME WHILE HE IS AT WORK (now this is where he says I am demanding but hell he works all day he needs to text me more) and SEXXING ME MORE (he be “tired”)

It’s funny after writing all of that I don’t even feel like writing about what happened at Dave n Busters lol.

We got to Dave n Busters (my treat). We ate, had a drank, and then thats pretty much where the fun stopped. Bj was gonna go to the restroom before we started in on the games so I was waiting for him and then I decided I wanted to go to the restroom while he was already in the restroom. When I got out, I expected him to be waiting on me but he wasn’t he was already playing. So I just was like ok whatever I played some games and then I went over to him and we had some words and then he walked out and went to the truck and I went to the truck and we argued some more and then he took off and I tried to jump out of the truck while it was moving and he drove faster (punk) but he had to come to a light so I jumped out of the truck and took off walking. Never a dull moment. He had to keep driving because he was on the feeder and ended up parking somewhere and walking over to where he left me. We argued some more about nothing. I walked away and ended up stepping one of sandled feet into a hole in the ground that pulled off my shoe and broke off a chunk of skin on my foot that started bleeding (I know that punk was thinking thats what she get for acting like a b.i.t.c.h.). Bj tried to hand me my shoe to put back on and I told him to leave my shoe alone and he looked at the shoe and said “this is my shoe girl” (oh yea thats right it was). So then I took off the other one and refused to put back on “his shoes” even tho he insisted. So finally he convinced me to get back into the truck. Really I was just upset that I fucked up the day. We wasted money and we tried to let our problems go and enjoy ourselves but couldn’t. I felt like an even bigger ass when he was telling me he had got soo caught up playing this jackpot game, which is how he ran out of money soo fast, that gives you a lot of tickets so he could have gotten something nice for me with the tickets. AWWWW. He was like if he was playing for himself he would have just been playing arcade games.

And that was our Easter. We almost broke up on Easter. He started talking some crap about he tired of everyday same thing ……arguing. At first, I was being all hard like ok yea lets do this and then I was like no, I don’t want to end it let’s work it out. I told him that I will try to change. He said you’re just saying that. I was thinking yea I probably am. On the way home he kept asking me “so what are you gonna do when you get home?” I am like huh? I was not understanding until he asked me was I gonna let him get his stuff. I was like duh why didn’t you just ask THAT question instead of “so what are you gonna do when you get home?” That didn’t make sense. I said sure y not? I guess he thought I was gonna act a fool and not let him get his things. No. I got out of the truck and went in the house and after about 20 minutes I didn’t hear him come in the house so I go back outside and he is standing by the truck pacing. I am like whats going on he is like I am just trying to get my mind right. Sooo I let him “get his mind right” and went back in the house.

We didn’t break up that night, but I don’t know, I know he is fed up with the arguing and so am I. He is stressed out about work, 50 zillion thousand tickets he has to pay, he ain’t got no money and I am just compounding on to that.

I will try to be more understanding.

My daddy (my first love)

I have been meaning to write this post for awhile now. I had been putting it off and putting it off. I am gonna try to make it short and sweet because I don’t like to dwell on this. It hurts too much still.

What made me write this post today is I had clicked on this yahoo video link that said father and daughters dance too close…..It turned out to be about a father and daughter dance competition. It looked a lot like the dancing they do in Dancing With The Stars and yes they were dancing too close LOL but after that video went off a video about Patrick Swayze having pancreatic cancer came on and I nearly cried. I love love love Patrick Swayze. Its funny because yesterday I wanted to write a post about all of my celebrity crushes and post pictures and yes Patrick was going to be on that list. I could not write that post yet because I wanted to get this one out the way. The reason why the Patrick Swayze video made me wanna write this post is my father passed away from Pancreatic/Liver Cancer this past September.

In July, I found out my father was in the hospital. He called me one day from LBJ hospital while I was working, and told me he had been in the hospital all week. I asked him why he hadn’t called me sooner. My guess is he didn’t wanna worry me. He said the guy in the room with him, a patient, had nudged him to call. I was like you should have wanted to call me. He had been diagnosed with high blood pressure. He was having some trouble breathing which is what forced him to go to the doctor and get a check up. They ended up sending him home and putting him on medication to stabilize it. I thought it was not a big deal really. Truth is the majority of my family has high blood pressure and is taking medication to control it, so I sadly was not that concerned. Hell I am 26 and found out year before at the health fare at my job that I am “borderline” and need to keep getting myself checked.

While my father was in the hospital in July, I did manage to go take the very long bus ride to see him however (we live on opposite sides of the city and I had no transportation at the time) before he got released. It really surprised me on how much weight he had lost from the last time I had seen him. My father has always been a small man so he really did not need to be losing more weight. But this was not the first time I had noticed my father had lost weight. He had been slowly dropping weight I guess for a year before he passed. Each time he came out to see me at my home, I would comment to him “Dad, you are losing weight…… Are you eating anything?” and he would say “Yea Chris I been eating” and I would always see the worry around his eyes when I would comment about it but I would just ignore it. I thought he was out partying and drinking and not taking the time to eat which he probably was and I would worry but try to put it out of my mind. And if he was sick, I knew my dad was not going to no doctor. My hate of doctors, from my dad I did receive. Every time I would see my dad he’d say to me “Chris, make sure you take care of yourself girl. We all each other got now. Your mom and your brother not here now. If you sick, go to the doctor.” And I would say right back ” I am . You too, Dad. Take care of yourself too” Too bad he didn’t listen to his own advice and too bad I didn’t nudge him more!! I beat myself up now that my father is gone that I didn’t do more. Yes, he is stubborn, I got that from him too, and probably would not have listened anyway but at least I could have insisted he go get a check up or something and maybe they would have saw it…..

I beat myself up over all my family deaths. My mom died of a heart condition. She was overweight so I beat myself up for awhile for not getting on her to eat more healthy and exercise. Never mind I was only 11 at the time she died, slightly overweight myself, and knew nothing about exercise or eating healthy at that time anyway. My older brother died 10 years after she did from a blood clot that traveled to his lung and I beat myself up about that like I should have been closer with him and maybe I would have seen something to know he was sick so that I could have told him to go to the doctor. My aunt had the nerve to blame me in a way to for my brother death because she asked me for his number one time and I wouldn’t give it to her without asking him first because they were not that close anymore. So when he did die she made a comment like me not giving her his number had something to do with his death. My family…My family.

Back to my father…… so of course the weight lost was a sign of his cancer which no telling how long he did have that. In the Patrick Swayze video, a doctor said pancreatic cancer has a 99% mortality rate. My father’s doctor told me that as well. They don’t really know where my father cancer started, but just from how fast it killed him they believe it may have started in his liver or his pancreas, because its very hard to detect, and by the time it is detected its too late because it moves soo fast. It made me feel better to know that most people miss it so I wasn’t the only one to not notice anything but I DID notice something. I noticed the weight lost and if only I had been just a little more vocal I could have spoke up and told him to go see a doctor.

Well I am surprised I am still beating myself up about it. After my father found out about his high blood pressure, I would talk to him on the phone from time to time and he seemed ok. He just seemed to be worried about eating the right foods. I would tell him to basically stay away from pork, salt , and fried foods. He was extremely worried about this and it hurt my heart that I couldn’t do more for him. *Sighs*

In September, I get a call from my father and he tells me that he wants to see me. I am worried I am like why. He sounds horrible on the phone by the way and I can barely understand what he is saying. He couldn’t really tell me what was going on and the people he was staying with could not either. I was working and could not get a day off and had no transportation. Having no transportation is a real bitch in Houston, by the way, if you ever move here. Houston is too big and spaced out to not have transportation. Anyway I spent about a good week worrying and crying to Bryant before I finally was able to call in sick. Bryant (he was wonderful thru all of this) gave me the money to rent a car that same day, I went by Walmart to get my dad a portable cd player he had been asking me for and I was going to take him the Johnny Taylor cds I had made him for his birthday that I never got a chance to get to him.

When I got to his house, he stay with his brother. I walked in and I sat down in the living room. My dad’s brother girlfriend was sitting in the living room and told me that my dad’s two sisters were in his bedroom giving him a bath. That was the first sign that something was off. I was thinking why can’t my father bathe himself? Is he really that sick? I had no idea and alot of questions. I asked the older woman how is he? How is my father? He doing ok? She said naw, I am not going to say that. I am not going to lie to you like that baby girl. Second sign, and I felt my stomach doing somersaults. When I called earlier in the week, I had a chance to speak to one of my father’s nieces that was over visiting and she had told me that he was ok. He was doing good. So that reassured me some but now it looks like things were not good at all.

Finally the door to my dad’s bedroom opened and out my aunts came. I hugged them and went in to see my father. He was nothing but bones. So small and I just wanted to cry. He spoke soo softly that I could barely hear him. I pulled up a chair next to his bed and just held his hand and rubbed his head. He reminded me of a sick little boy I just wanted to hold him. My Aunt came in there and sat down with me and she asked me is there anything that you wanna know? You feel like we have been hiding things from you? I said I just want to know whats going on with my dad. I noticed that his stomach was blowed up and I asked her about it and she said its cancer. My heart dropped. My dad just looked at me with those big puppy dog eyes that looked like mine and I felt soo sorry for him and sorry for myself. My aunt was like we’ll talk before you leave and left out to the room for me to be alone with my dad. I got closer on him and kissed him on the lips and lay down next to him and cried like a baby. He said ” I just gotta get better Chris. We all each other got” .

Before I left I sat in the living room with my Aunt and they told me that he has cancer. One day his feet and his stomach blew up big, they took him to the doctor to get a biopsy and it came back that he had cancer. It had spread and they didn’t tell my father this. They felt he didn’t need to know because he was already worrying soo much.

Not even a week after I seen my father, I got another call from the hospital that my dad had been admitted and it didn’t look good. They wanted to know how soon I could get down there, because his doctor really needed to speak to me. I felt sick. I called my Aunt (the one I had previously fell out with) and told her what was going on. I really needed to talk to someone. I still had the rental car so I flew down the freeway doing 80-90. When I got to the hospital, 3 of my dad sisters were there and his niece. The doctor was asking me all this questions about if my dad was to go into cardiac arrest should they resusitate. They told me how fragile his bones was and that it might lead to them breaking bones if I wanted them to do chest compressions. They tried to lead me to make the right decision which was to let him die because there was nothing they could do for him. They wanted to “make him comfortable” which consisted on giving him medicine for the pain and letting him go. I was in denial and all this did not sound good to me. I wanted him to live. They finally let me see my father before he was taking up to his room and he had an oxygen mask on and was really weak. Oh how I hated to see him like that. My father’s stay there was about a week long before he passed. I took off work for the whole time he was in he hospital. One thing I can say is he was surrounded in love. I was up there everyday from 10 to about 8 or 9 and so was his sisters and nieces. He was never alone except when we left for the night. We had the option to stay the night with him, but I could not bare it. Before he became doped up with morpheine I knew he was aware that I was there. One day I came to visit him and his family was all in the room, I walked in and my father sat straight up and said “Hey, Chris!” and then he layed backed down and didn’t say another word. Weird. I thought that must have took a lot out of him for him to  sit up and acknowledge me but I was glad that he did.

The day my father died. I walked in the room and only one of his sisters was there, she said she was going downstairs to smoke a cigarette. I sat down and noticed that my dad’s breathing was not sounding good. I knew it wouldn’t be long. I just sat there and held his hand and watched him and told him how much I love him. My dad took his last breath and I am happy to say that I was there with him. Just me and him. I love you daddy. You were the best daddy that you could be to me and you spoiled me rotten. I will never forget you…..

Update *My Aunt*

I know i needs to be doing some updating……

My Aunt- Well lets start off with my aunt, the only member of my family that I was really associating with and keeping in contact with besides my father. The last time I wrote we wasn’t speaking remember because of some bullshit. I wrote about that in my who cut the cheese post? LOL Well we actually ended up making up. I forget who called who first but some where around I think it was fourth of July she invited me over to her house to chill with her and her girlfriend because she had cooked and she wanted to meet BJ.

When I spoke to her after us being on the outs for awhile she was surprised to learn that not only had I not gotten back together with Rich, but now had moved on to BJ and had moved him in all up in my house and thangs. She was really expecting me to get back together with my ex I guess because we was together for 7 years and she knew how much I love his azz.

She met BJ. She liked him. At first when we walked into her house she was just like nice to meet you and everything. I couldn’t really tell what she was thinking about him until me and BJ was seated and my aunt’s girlfriend came out from the back room and saw my boyfriend. My aunt’s gf was basically acting a damn fool lol…like oh my God , he sooo handsome, damn where you find him at, ya’ll gonna have some pretty kids etc LOl. It was funny and embarrassing at the same time. After my Aunt’s girlfriend expressed what she thought about my man thats when my aunt let me know she approved. She was like yea Christina got a looker I see. I wouldn’t mind babysitting ya’ll kids cuz you know I don’t do the ugly ones lol. (FYI my aunt is extrememly hard to please in the looks department..she is high yella with light eyes and she is going on 50 but think she is the greatest thing created still since sliced bread. She talks bad about everybody..so for her to compliment my man thats something. Hey not that I cared if she approved or not because she thought my ex was ugly and I was still with him) The night ended ended well and me and my aunt was back talking and I was happy until….

Not too long after that day, my aunt invites me to go to lunch with her and a friend of hers. I was like cool. I was happy to spend time with her and since me and my ex had broken up, me and my aunt had gotten closer so I didn’t want to lose that connection just because I was in a new relationship. Ya know. So on this day, my aunt came and picked me and BJ up and we went to this nice restaurant that me and my aunt had been to before. I was in a really great mood. I paid for her meal and everything that day. After we left the restaurant her and her friend decided they wanted to go to the gameroom. The gameroom is like a casino. I didn’t even know that they even had casino’s in Houston until I started chilling with my aunt. Totally illegal!!! Ha ha such a trip how I found out, one day my aunt had took me to this place that said 99 cent store on it. The tint on the windows was really dark but I didn’t think nothing of it she didn’t tell me what she was getting from there but I always love to shop in the 1.00 store so hey I jumped out to go in, but when I walked inside, they had slot machines everywhere. It was a trip, but every since that day I now know how to spot them. Anytime I see a store with no name and has really dark tinted windows on it I know that its a casino. Crazy..But anyways my aunt and her friend was on one side playing slots and me and BJ was on the other side playing and losing all our money.

Anyways I was through playing . I had lost all that I wasn’t planning on losing but BJ wanted to continue to play. He had left his money at home so I was gonna spot him a 20 until we went back, and I am digging around in my purse and coming up empty. I remember telling BJ that I didn’t know where my money was. I knew I should have had more money, but he was like thats ok and my aunt was getting ready to leave so I just forgot about it. As we were heading out the door, my aunt leading the way, I saw her bend down next to the car and pick up something from the ground. Then I saw her chasing something that had flew a few feet away. I didn’t think nothing of it. Then I saw something green, a piece of paper next to the car, so I scooped down to pick it up and it was the receipt from the restaurant. When I looked over to my aunt she had (yep you guessed it) my money in her hand. The zipper on my purse was broken but I was still carrying it and the receipt from the restaurant and my money had ended up falling out of my purse. Thats why when we were in the gameroom I was telling BJ I am sure i had more money.

My aunt was all tripping because she “found” some money and I am steady telling her thats my money. I told her this my receipt it dropped out of my purse and as I am telling her this she is stuffing the money in her pocket and is like what that mean? That don’t mean anything. Gangsta. Yep, my family is gangsta. I was soo fucking mad I wanted to cry. I just got in the car and nobody wasn’t saying anything. So after awhile I was like can i have my money? and she is like how you know this is yours? How much is it? If its yours you ought to be able to tell me how much it is? How I know whats yours and whats mine now?

And that made no since because she asking me exactly how much it is and then telling me she don’t know how much of it is hers and how much of it is mine now that she has it all mixed in together in her pocket. So it makes no difference how much it really is does it ? She was still planning on keeping it. A complete trip. So she dropped us off at our house and I just got out the car without saying shit to her and BJ was like nice to meet you to her friend and nice seeing you again to my aunt. I was kinda mad at that like nigga she just stole my money don’t fucking talk to her azz. I heard her asking her friend if she was wrong or not and her friend was like trying to stay out of it. Hells yea you wrong. But that was the last time I let her burn me.. When I went in the house I just cried and BJ held me. It wasn’t even about the money its just how she handled it. She is too gutter and I am not like that. I can’t be around people like that. It hurt because I really love my aunt and I feel like she did me dirty but oh well that is life.

I didn’t talk to her again until in September when I found out my father was very sick in the hospital. And that will be my next post.

Daddy’s Little Girl

Yesterday my dad was supposed to come visit me and spend the weekend with me however yet again he stood me up. I hate when people make a ton of promises that they don’t keep. Funny thing is I never ask my father for anything …he always  just tells me he is going to do this this and that and rarely does anything.

I see my dad maybe once a month. Lately he has been coming around the 1st of the month to buy me groceries since me and the ex have broke up he has said he wants to help me out. This is nothing I asked him for however it is very kind of him to do this. My dad is 57 years old and still acts like he is 18. My dad has more fun than me. He loves to party, drink, and have a good time. Often times he likes to spend time with his friends more than he does with me and I am kinda upset that he hardly has time to spend with me. I mean we hardly get to kick it enough as it is.

Yesterday when he called me, I missed his call so he left a voicemail on my machine around 12 in the afternoon. It wasn’t even an hour later when I returned his call and found out that he had already left. I thought maybe he was on his way, but he never showed up.  I was upset because we had already made plans for yesterday and him coming to spend the weekend with me. I told him I would be home all day and it seems to me he was just looking for  a reason to not show up. So I called him all day and I guess he didn’t make it home until today when he calls to tell me he is sorry and that he spunt the birthday money he promised me. Uuhh! I mean I don’t care if he gave me money or not its just the principle of people doing what they say they are going to do and with me that never happens and people know that I am soo forgiven and I often get taken for granted. I am tired of people letting me down because I always stand by my word. If I am going to do something I do it.

I don’t want to cut my dad out of my life because I love him but I am tired of being disappointed by the people that mean the most to me. This is not the first time that he has let me down. I have cancelled plans before for him to have him never show up. I have had him promise to show up to my house on holidays and him tell me that he is too tired to come.

Sometimes I feel as if I am in this world alone. I tell you

Who cut the cheese?

Well I hope everyone had a Happy Valentine’s day. I am happy that day is long gone. That was the first time in close to 7 years that I did not have a Valentine and guess what? That punk (my ex) did not even call me. I guess its good that he is moving on with his life but it still hurts that I think of him a lot and I am not on his mind.

I took off early and went to my aunt house because she wanted me to run her to her friend house, however when I got there she told me she decided not to go. As usual, she was having some problems with her gf so she started telling me about their latest argument. She wanted me to run her to the pawn shop to get some things out of layaway that she had there so I did that.

This is sooo stupid but this is how petty my family can be sometimes. We had a good time all day laughing and joking but on the way dropping her home we had one of the stupidest argument I have ever had with anyone. This smell came into the car like somebody had died or something. I thought my Aunt had passed gas because thats what she do. My aunt ain’t got no problems in passing gas in front of whomever. After a couple of minutes this foul odor did not go away, so even though it was cold outside I lowered my window some to let some fresh air in. I didn’t say anything to her.

After I let the air in, she goes why you do that? I look at her increduously and said “you don’t smell that? You farted didn’t you?” She looked at me and said that she had not done it and told me that I did it. I knew I had not passed gas so I thought she was just playing. You know when you are kids you play “you did it” “no you did it” when the person that really did it be lying all along. So I thought she was playing but after I insisted that she did it she started getting serious. Why I dont understand? It wasn’t something in my opinion to take serious. I was laughing and joking and to be honest I did think she was joking and had actually done it until too late I guess I looked over and saw she had this mean look on her face. LOL I am sorry but that is soo stupid to get upset over “Who cut the cheese?” If I had known she was serious I would not even carried on the way I did.

When we got to her house. I started not to go upstairs inside her place because she seemed to be in a bad mood, but I went ahead and went inside and I wasn’t going to stay long. When we got inside, I asked her why was she getting all upset? She started saying because she knew that she didn’t pass gas and that she put that on her mother’s grave and all this. I mean ok you didn’t pass gas ..thats fine.. but why get all huffy over it. So I told her I wasn’t her gf and that I wasn’t going to argue with her and she said to me “All of ya’ll can just leave me the hell alone. I don’t need any of you in my life” So affter she said that what the heck I’mma stick around for. I politely got up said bye and left.

This is the stupid childish stuff that goes on in my family. Folks stop talking behind crap. Does anyone else family do this?

I found my nephew!!!

I am soo ecstatic that I finally got a chance to meet my nephew!!!!! I cant believe he turns 14 in April.

My brother, now deceased, had a son when he was 17 and I never got a chance to meet him. Actually no one in my family has gotten a chance to meet my nephew. My brother was not really being the father he was meant to be with his son so thats kinda the reason why.

How this meeting all came about? I have been wanting to meet my nephew since like forever. My niece who is 11, always brings up to me how she wants to see the brother she never met. My supervisor has a membership with ancestry.com so I asked him if he could look up a name for me. I had the name of my brother’s high school girlfriend and I was just hoping that her last name had not changed. Well good news!!! Her last name was still the same and my supervisor located her for me and gave me her telephone number!! It took me a couple of days of thinking about what to say when finally my niece mother, whom I work with , came to my desk at work today, a couple of days after I had receive this telephone number from my supervisor in order to discuss my recent trip with my niece, I mentioned to her that I had received this number for my nephew’s mother. She got real excited I believe because my niece had been mentioning to her how much she wanted to meet him so she asked me to give her the number which I did. Not even 10 minutes later she comes back to my desk at work and lets me know that she called this girl and she wants to meet everyone!! We had the meeting set up for Sunday however my nephew’s mom got soo excited that she called my sister-in-law back and wanted to do it today.

We set the meeting up for Wok-Bo , a chinese restaurant here in Houston, and wow he is soo handsome and tall. I thought my nephew would look more like my brother since my niece looks just liker her dad but my nephew actually takes after his mom a lot. I was sooo happy and excited to meet him and was beyond words. This is truly a joyous occasion that I will remember for the rest of my life. We have Sunday set up to meet again and go bowling. My only hope is that me and my nephew can forge a great bond

Missed Again

 Saturday I spent some time with my niece for the first time in forever. I took her to Rodeo In The Park at Kelsey Seybold, The Children’s Museum, and the movies because she hadn’t seen Dreamgirls. We had fun While we were out I missed Bj call. Its funny because I was really looking forward to his call and I missed it again. The thing is I have Sprint and my cell rings when it wants to. I really hate Sprint service and a lot of people be thinking i be igging them but its not me its the phone. I actually had it out with a guy I was talking to a couple of months ago because he said my phone was ringing and I never would answer and he had called me several times. The thing is my phone never rang and he did not believe me.  I didn’t even know anyone had called until I went to use my phone it said no service, so I turn it off and turn it back on, and after I turn it back on then my phone starts going off like crazy from all the voicemails that was sent to me. Crazy.

But anyways, I missed Bj call and he sent me a message talking about I am ignoring him because I forwarded his call to my voicemail ( I didn’t ..it was the phone) and he guesses I don’t want to talk to him anymore and he apologizes deeply for what I am feeling. Yadda yadda Yaaa. I was waiting soo long for him to call me and when I missed his call I started thinking maybe that was for the best and maybe I should just let him go and move on.

In other news, I started talking back to Rich again. I dont know why and what for. It seems like when I get lonely I tend to fall back on him and he really ain’t no one to be falling back onto. He fools me everytime because he will start off talking to me like he got some sense and then he results back to being immature and pathetic. I love him soo much. I mean I figured out I spent close to 7 years with him and that means a quarter of my life was spent with. Thats a great deal! He concerns me because when I was talking to him he pointed out that he was thinking about just dropping in on me to see me. NO NO. I need to talk to him, because whether we cool or not you don’t just drop in on me at no point in time. I kinda feel sorry for him because he is going on 40 and has never been married . You would think he would look at that and be like what is up with me? I don’t think he knows what love is. He tells me that I never loved him. I mean Stevie Wonder could see that I did love that boy. I mean I loved him more that I loved myself. One day I shall learn.

We Made Up

Me and my aunt that is ….NOT me and the ex!!!! LOL. I called her this week and she was like she hadn’t called because she erased the voicemail that I had sent her giving her my new number and she was waiting for me to call. I don’t believe that for one minute but I didnt tell her that. I knew her girlfriend had something to do with her not calling me but I let it go….for one yesterday she told me how her gf be trying to point out some things about our family to make her see that we don’t love her. She tells my aunt that she is the one always calling us and we don’t call her so I think she had my aunt waiting around to see if I was gonna call. I don’t like games or being played with but I still just let it go. I dont like her girlfriend because I dont like sometimey smile all up in yo face talk about you behind yo back folk and most of my family is like that which is why I stay to myself but I love my aunt to death. My aunt told me that her gf wanted to throw a superbowl party at my aunt house and invite all her co-workers and family but didn’t want my aunt to invite any of our family to her own house . What the fcuk is that?? I told my aunt the reason I don’t really want to chill with ya’ll is because I know she is like that and I don’t need her smiling all up in my face knowing she don’t like me. My aunt just said you gotta ignore her because she bi-polar and you should know how to deal with bipolar people since Rich was lol …whatever her girlfriend got my ex by about a million hands down.

In other news I still haven’t called Rich but he did leave me a message on my other phone, the one thats broke, saying “God led him to call me” and “God wanted me to see how you were doing” LOL..that dude has issues. He has soo much pride and for what?? That pride is what got in the way a lot of times because he always gotta be big and bad with me..if I am your girl you shouldn’t have to be like that with me ..be like that with them negros on the street but not your woman. Anyway I fear he is not going to get it together in time. He definitely IS gonna realize one day what he had and that this “sideline ho” don’t really love him like I did then its gonna be tooo late toooo late. When he is ready to be the man I want him to be I will have moved on by then because he is just not getting it. Its not all about him. I was your Queen.

I am really feeling Monica new cd The Makings Of Me

Family Reunion

I finally went to a family reunion and managed to have fun I will add. I almost didn’t go however my aunt Pat talked me into it and came and got me. It was soo good seeing all my people from Monroe, Louisiana: My grandma sisters Fannie, Dean, Tewee, and her brother Roy. I enjoyed Tewee 4 daughters. What a shame that I can’t remember any of there names but I just now got my grandma sisters and brothers name down and that I am proud of. Oh and Lisa who is near my mothers age ..I liked her too. I forget who daughter she is. She won the talent contest singing Mary Had A Little Lamb which was funny because she taught me another version of it that is a church hymn when I only knew of the nursery rhyme. They all remember me when I was small but I hardly remember them, cant seem to match the names with the faces. I told my aunt Pat that I was kinda jealous of how the family from Louisiana interact with one another in contrast to the family here in Houston. You can tell that they are all close and they mentioned because of the fact they go to church together and do a lot of things together. You know they say a family that prays together stays together. But I really enjoyed them. They weren’t stuck up or anything…very real down to earth folk. It was also good seeing my cousin Shelis. That girl just hugged me and hugged me like she didn’t want to let go and started crying “I miss you” when I saw her..she had me crying. I was surprised at that. Shelis and I grew up together and when my mom passed away I went to live with her family. We stopped getting along not to long after that. I came across her diary once and read in it about how much she disliked me and I was stuck up and blah blah blah, so I was really surprised to see her reaction. I was happy to see her tooo. I am upset that I didnt get to see my cousin Danielle from California however her brother Adam and his NEW BABY!!! came down with his girlfriend. I got to see my Uncle Rabbit from Dallas and he is looking more and more like Aunt Pat.

The only negative to the day I might say was the fact the reunion was not planned fully out. I am sure my uncle Bo did a good job however when it came time to leave the park where we had it at , The relatives of LA started inquiring about where they might go afterwards. He didnt really have anything set up for entertainment. They asked me what do i do for fun but baby I don’t go out and I pretty much go to work and stay home. I tried to bounce a few ideas around but one of my cousins mentioned going to the Sky Bar and I thought that was a good idea because I heard it was nice. I had never been . I would have liked to have gone with them but I was riding with my aunt and she was ready to go. I wish I could have spent more time with them. I didn’t think the night ended up on a good note. It left me wanting more time with my family.Maybe I should move to Louisiana . They are just sooo loving and the family here is soo much out for self. When I was in the car with my aunt , she called my uncle Bo and asked him where every one was going and he said basically he didnt know but he was going home with his family and proceeded to call off his wife name, Shelis, and my grandpa. He is something else ..I thought we were all family lol Lousiana seems like a nice place to live. Don’t you agree….. Next family reunion is in Cali with my Uncle Charles. I know he is going to do a good job on that one . Its soo much to do out there however I dont know if I will be able to make it. It will be in ‘08 so I need to start saving now.

Memorial Day Update

Well almost did not have a Memorial Day due to the fact of the rain but it ended up stopping. Picked up father around 2 so as u can see we got a late start on the party. I hate going to my dads house. His brother girl has such a foul mouth. Ex:My dad had went inside the house and was taking awhile to come back out while we were waiting for him old lady have the nerve to tell me he prolly in there beating his meat. Nasty azz. I told that biitch thats my daddy I dont wanna hear that shiit. Always asking when we are going to invite her and my uncle over to our house. If u acted like u had some damn sense I would not mind inviting u because we hardly get company anyway but she foul. Then she want to blow her hot azz breath in my face talking and spitting and telling me how pretty I am getting touch feely. I be wanting to tell that old drunk lady to get out my face but try to respect the old drunk elderly.

Back at our house ya know dad hasnt been there since he helped us move so he liked how we had it decorated and said he liked this place betta because we not around Mexicans like before. He’s a racist… Mostly blacks and Asian where we live. I think Asians used to own these Townhomes and then they moved out and rented them out to blacks but you have a few Asians that have remained. I like it over here because its pretty quiet and private. Nice small community. Soo we got to dranking and the bar b q came out burned due to baby fuccing with my drunk self. I take full reponsiblity for messing up the bbq but he didnt blame me when it was all done he was just like ” I dont think my bbq came out that good this time “

His bbq be soo good sometimes he should open up a restaurant and would have probably been that good if he was not running upstairs to see about me but I was chugging them beers down and I hardly drink more than 3. think maybe I had 5 of the 16 oz and I usually have the 12 ounces.

Well I ended up upstairs and my drunk azz started to talk to my dad n baby from my bedrooom window. I had my head leaned out the window and they was in the backyard. Why did I break down crying hollering about I MISS MY MOMMA!! Oh boy then I got daddy crying and baby the one normally cant hold his liquor looking at us both like oh boy …
Baby came upstairs being his usually unsympathetic self saying I am spoiling the party wanting me to come down of course I refused and he made me cry more soo I started with the NOBODY LOVES ME!!! spill .You know when u drunk your TRUE feelings start to REALLY come out . I acted a fool I aint gone lie. Its been years since I got like that. Baby sent daddy upstairs to talk to me and then I was embarrassed ..we sat there and cried..and then I told daddy I was o k and to go back downstairs outside to enjoy hisself. Baby came back upstairs telling me he loved me and ya know drunk people I ended up throwing THAT OLD SHIIT in his face which he did not appreciate but he finnally convinced me he loved me and I came downstairs. Pathetic hunh ??? Yep.

Note: ****Feeling unloved is a motherfucca. The worst feeling in the world and will drive a motherfucca insane to drugs sex suicide. All of that. I understand how a person can be driven to that because I sometimes think about doing that shiit, but u gotta be strong and I need to put GOD in my life and know that HE loves me . ****

Ok but the party resumed after Queen Christina finished pooping on it . Sorry guys But spent the rest of the night drinking listening to music and dancing. Dont usually dance around my dad..He kept saying my baby , she got a lot of my ways in her My daddy think he still got it . He is an old playa from tha himalayas

Note :***Dont u hate when u typing in ya blog and your post just disappear Thats what happened soo trying to remember what else was on my mind ***

Everything was cool until taking my father back 2 tha house I started coming down off that high. I havent been hung ova in ages. I had my head in baby lap while he was driving moaning and groaning soo much u would have thought I was dying. Dad made Baby stop at the store to get me a coke said it would help me but it didnt. I was too full to drink that coke. Spent the car ride with my head stuck out the window on the freeway the whole way there and it killed my hang ova. And that was my Memorial Day.

Note: ***Chrissy going thru some thangs right now but I have faith that I am going to get thru and end up on top. ***

Chrissy

My Lord

I am in love. I found this Suave Limited Edition Seasonals Whipped Cocoa body lotion at the dollar store today and it smells delicious. Make me wanna got out and get a 3 Musketeer from the store. Smells just like chocolate Imma have to lotion up when I get out the shower tonite. I love smell goods.

Had to go dry my clothes at the washateria today. Landlord say she gonna have the dryer checked out next week. Why did I leave the house with 100 today and come back with 40. All I was supposed to do was dry clothes so I dont know where 60 dollars went
I cant go into a store without buying a new pair of shades. Every since I switched to contacts I been rocking the shades My collections has grown bigger than Boo’s.

Boo had made me soo mad today that I had to go take a walk. Getting mad over petty shiit. He needs to stop all of this controlling Bullshiit. I like the Townhomes across the way. They have some nice benches that I like to go sit at to relieve my mind…just listen to the birds and relax. Of course he figured out I was gone and wanted to call me acting stupid. Started not to pick up the phone . Sad to say but I think I need to detach myself emotionally from him, but thats hard for me to do because when I luv someone I luv hard..but I shouldnt allow anyone to make or break my day. I need to take more walks and take more time out for myself and I have been doing that lately. Need to remain mature and in control of my actions.. Sometimes he gets me soo mad to where I just sit and sulk. Just because he wants to be miserable does not mean I have to . Soo daTs why I took a walk to let the big bad wolf know. Negro you NOT going to mess with my day

I finally spoke to Daddy today.Daddy tried to get out of coming tomorrow claiming to be broke. He hasnt been over here since the time he helped us move. Same oh same oh saying he been partying with friends and spending all his money. Will he ever settle down? Feel like I am the parent worrying about my kids ripping and running the street at night. But convinced him to come.

Me and Boo been cleaning all day. That man can clean thats one thing I can say for him. He scrubbing floors and got me scrubbing walls …whooooooooooo I keep a clean house but he is a maniac…neat freak…How can u take 3 hours to clean the living room floor? …..Whats that disorder call..obsessive compulsive…I used to say I had that because I used to check to make sure I did something 50 zillion times not knowing if I did it or not.
Well tomorrow gotta get my cook on..Baby doing the Q’ing and I am handling the rest..Probably pick up Dad around 1…Dat Dat Dat Dats All Folk ..

Stupid

Why dis lady send her husband ova her to fix the dryer knowing damn well he dont know how to fix shiit? Come pick it up and get it taken care of and stop wasting my time and yours. Talking bout he coming back at 2 in order to “look” <—-? at it . Its going on 4 now what? I soo hate having my evenings interrupted. Why when you call these folks to fix things they want to look at you like you broke it. Puh-lease give me a break.

Very restless right now. Need new starter for car. Warranty does not cover it. Mo money more problems. The Amp went bad …why didnt he tell me it was a used Amp? If I had a known that I would have told him to make damn sure It has some type of warranty on it before you buy it. Men!!! lPeople be trying to fucc over you. Just bought they Amp brought it to you to install and it stop working the next day and you say we cant get our money back. Are u freaking kidding me? Of course I had to go up in there and act like a biitch. One thing that makes me mad about that man. He can tell me what to do all day long but when it comes to money he lets folks rip him off. Dont do that !!! If I was him I would not have even got another Amp from them…would have took my money elsewhere. Got a brand new one this time.

I wonder if Daddy coming over this weekend. He said he was but he shole havent called. Imma call him and c whats up though. I aint for chasing no one even though he is my daddy. Just hate when people say they going to do sumthing and dont do it. Put it in the Lords Hands. Thats all I can do is pray for him because he acting funny. Something is up.

Baby bar b q this weekend. Might invite my Aunt over. She want me to start working out with her. Say D (her ex)  tried to turn off her membership with 25 (had to go back and read that I mean 24 )hour fitness and she went and politely turned it back on Crazzy!!I guess the girl figure since she not with my Aunt no more she gone cancel her membership. Shiit the membership free anyway…D job gets them a free membership. Not like she paying for it My aunt be getting caught up in some shiit. Told me she about to hit the lottery and make us rich. Hey just make sure you dont go in hiding..give me a call. I cant see spending my money on the lottery like that. I tried but just cant get in the hang of it. My whole family be doing that shiit.

Well aint nuttin going on but the rent. I wish I could go to the Essence music festival. Need to try calling 102 and winning some tickets ya know. They jammin that Charlie Wilson..gonna make me go out and buy that cd 102. His new song is jamming too. Now thats how you make a comeback Gap Band Lemme go back to cleanin my house …been taking too many breaks …

Happy Sunday

Dude just came to my area trying to switch my electricity today to Stream from Direct Energy and I was going to do it too. I went outside to let the dog out to shiit and saw baby coming up to me with some dude tryna sell me something, but when they had a rep call me for the verification process ole girl on the phone tried to give me an attitude and was like lemme speak back to the sales dude. I was like hey he in my backyard you can call him on his cell phone i guess. Too bad I had to go out and tell dude that I am not switching if this the type of service that I will be getting. Baby didnt want me to switch anyway …oh well black women and their tudes cost that dude his sell. I was tryna help him out.

Baby went to check on the a.c. in the car..I told him dont be no mechanic shops open on Sunday and if there is one open they dont be tryna do no work on Sunday be wanting to keep ya car til monday an shit. I dont blame him though because its hella hot…Damn!!!

Gotta make some groceries today ..people say “how do you MAKE groceries?” because I’se country and I can making my list ..soap..toilet paper…etc…

Yesterday went to go get the dogs his shot way in Jersey Village…damn Houston is soo huge..got places in Houston that I aint neva seen. Baby say lets move out here..I am like we just moved what? 3 months ago. He git bored soo quick ..I mean ..

This weekend flew by didnt it. Sundays are soo laid back but I cannot really enjoy Sundays because all I can think about is tomorrow is Monday .
Daddy is acting brand new..whutever ..he a grown man but ya know I am wrong too for the holding grudge thing because he is still my daddy even though he is soo upsetting me. I will start calling him and letting him know how much I luv him . He out there partying . I dont know if he doing what I am thinking he doing but he shole havent been coming around our way so why is that ? Lets just say I hope and pray that he is taking care of hisself and put it in the Lords Hands.

Chrissy

Played Hooky Today

Man I tried hard to not call in today but I did. We are on a point system at work in regards to when you leave early or miss work you receive points. You hit 15 points -you out tha door.So I finally got some points rolling off at work and I dont know how to act. I need to work the points down because I was at 14.0 points for a str8 month sitting there and couldnt even cough. Now I had a point roll off on Monday and put me at 13 and then on Tuesday Boo got off early so I left work early and we went shopping. I get them back to back soo Wednesday I had a 1/2 of point roll off that put me at 13.5 then I had 2 points roll off Thurs that put me at 11.5 and then I called in today so right back at 13.5 all because of Boo. That ceiling fan be blowing soo good and I be snuggled up under my favorite purple velvet comforter and Boo arms be wrapped tight around me and to me that puts me here—–>

Today we went and bought some household stuff . Ya know why are they building these dollar stores to look like grocery stores now. I was telling Boo today some of these dollar stores are way bigger than grocery stores now and when you go in there you cant find anything and there is not much thats a dollar. Well we went to this humongous dollar store on Hwy 6 today and everything was a dollar I couldnt get out of there with just the few things I needed and ended up spending close to 40 dollars there. From there went to Home Depot on seeing about building a privacy fence around our little yard so we went  to see how much it would cost us. Boo said he can build it himself so we shall see . Making improvements to a townhouse that aint even ours so I guess she can raise the rent when we move or better yet raise it on us if we renew which I love it here so I dont see why I wouldnt unless things go wrong on my job or his –God Forbid.

Also went back to Walmart to get the patio set for 88.00 dolllars that was a good deal that I couldnt pass up. I didnt think we would get the box in the car however Boo came up with the idea of taking everything out of the box in order to make it fit in the ride. DUH! And we set it up in the backyard and sat out there talking and enjoying the night..We have been having some gorgeous weather this past 2 days. Very windy and not hot and humid. I wish it would remain..

Trying to ween the dog off of milk and feeding it Science diet. He didnt eat much. He is scheduled to get his shots next weekend.

I am up cooking at 11.30 at night. Not really sleepy..Boo is passed out on the couch and Rocky is passed out on the floor next to him. I am making BBQ Pork Chops. I have made them before and they were pretty good….Tomorrow will probably watch the other movies that my co-worker borrowed me and may go get my daddy whom has not called me since Easter when I guess I pissed him off but I was still call him and see whats up…One Love..until next time

Chrissy

Today was one of my good days

Today was a good day

Snuggles up with Boo lastnite and Watched Saw I and Saw II. Saw I was a bit weird at first then it got kinda stupid then it started getting good then the end confused me Saw II was good. I was not expecting at all for the girl from Saw I to be behind the madness at the end. My co-worker bought me War Of the Worlds and some horse movie with Dakota Fanning today because I told her that I liked her as an actor. Boo goes tell ya co-worker to stop bringing you those movies because we can get our own damn movies. Whut-Ever!

Boo got off early today so I left early today and we ended up going shopping something he normally doesnt do with me. I am a shopaholic and any other time he refuses to go with me but today we went into soo many stores that he tired the shopaholic out and had me crying to go home We were looking for a new Entertainment center because the one we have is cool to me but its kinda of cracked. When we moved him and my dad had dropped it and it will do but ya know when money burns a hole in your pocket you will figure out anything to spend it on. We found a nice one at Wallmart for a little over 100 but I think that its going to be too big and will cause me to have to find another place for my computer desk which I can do but Boo say he likes it where it is. We went to SuperTarget and they have some nice iish but more than we wanted to spend and went to a couple of furniture stores and found one that will probably work but I was the smart one and was like lets go home think about it and if we still want it we will come back and get it later on in the week. Also found a patio set for 88.00 dollars at Walmart that I liked to put in the backyard might have to go back for that joker as well….that was a damn good deal on that After all that shopping ended up with a couple of toys for the dog and I bought a black shag rug to go by the front door and some Timmy Chans so I wouldnt have to cook.Oh and the dog has been sleeping a full night without whining. Boo ran into a lady at the store that told him to put some socks in his crate to remind him of his littermates and some of Boo clothes so he can smell his scent and to put a clock under a pillow which reminds him of his mothers heartbeat and my gosh it worked

I still fill as if I am going thru the motions at this point with a wait and see attitude in regards to my relationship with Boo because I really dont know whats going to happen. I have forgiven him but am still cautious.   We shall see…until next time

Chrissy

Rocky Is Here.

Finally got his Rottweiler. As much as I hate dogs I love this one I think it has a lot to do with half of my money going towards the little pup so ya know when you buy something you value it more.

How did I know he was going to be soo indecisive on choosing one. When I called the man I asked how many do you have. He said 9. Good Lawd I was hoping he said 2 and even with 2 it would have been a hard decision for him
Went a little like this for an hour.

Me: Ok which one you like Boo?
Boo: I dont know which one you like?
Me: They all look the same to me.
Boo: I want one thats going to be big
Me: Ok well this one is the biggest one..get this one.
Boo: Its a boy. I want a girl.
Me: Ok Well this is the biggest girl..choose this one.
Boo: Yea but should I get the boy..it is bigger.
Me: Ok go ahead and get the boy then.
Boo: But I want a girl
Me: Cool then get the girl and lets go.
Boo: Which one do you like.
Me : It dont matter to me you the one that wants the dog. Whichever one is fine as long as you are happy with it.
Boo: But its gonna be your dog too so I want you to choose.
Me: Ok get the boy then he is cute and he is the biggest.
Boo: Ok.
*he pays the man*
Boo: Well let me look at them again side by side
*takes the boy and the girl out of the room of puppies and goes back and forth again about which one he should get*

Finally he walks out with the boy and now a day later he is saying he should have got the girl because he dont get along with boy dogs. I was reading on the net how boy rottweilers are more agressive than females now he wants to return it for the girl. I’m like I dont think it works that way. I am indecisive too but after soo long I am like ok lets get it n go. We are like that with everything. Everytime we go pick out furniture together its never choose and go. Its always such a chore because he dont know what he wants and I dont know what I want but we want both of us to be happy and agree with whatever we choose.

And this little joker to be only a month old is already feisty. I am like ya sure this Rottweiler is not going to grow up and eat us..shiit. Already fighting back and trying to bite and barely got any teeth. I think we should have got the girl too. We had a girl Rottweiler named Racquel ( I named her) and I didnt want her either but I grew to like. Baby always has to convince me on the dog issue and then when I give in I start liking them. I think deep down inside I am a dog lover. I had dogs all through childhood because my mama loved them so we always kept one until they ran away or we gave them away. But anyway Raquel was a sweet dog. I really did miss her when she passed. I think this one is going to be more agressive than Raquel though.

We supposed to be watching the movies today. We started watching Saw last night at around 11 it started off kinda weird, but Boo ended up falling asleep on the movie and I know he was tired because usually I am like ok I am about to turn it off because you falling asleep and he will wake up and be like no I am watching . Last nite I go I am turning it off lets go upstairs and go to sleep. He goes OK. Between dealing with that dog and cleaning up last nite we were both tired.

Oh yea and we got a new parakeet last weekend..actually two , a girl and a boy. Baby chose the girl and named her Snuey after Snowie our last parakeet and I got the boy and named him Bluedo. Mine makes a lot of noise and Boo bird dont ever speak so first I was like maybe it needs to adjust to its new cage but by now the bird should be chirping so I dont know.

Last night I didnt get any sleep because he must have whined alnight in that crate until Boo finally took him out and put the dog in the bed with us. I was like that dog better not pee or shiit on my new sheets or it is on. But he didnt. I dont think.

Ok thats all folks..until next time

Chrissy

TGIF

T.G.I.F ..well not quite but hell we almost there.

Nothing much going on but just felt like writing. Just got off the phone with my co-worker who wants to bring me some movies. She raved about King Kong earlier this week and said she was going to bring it to me on Friday and true to her word she didnt forget. I didnt even ask her to bring it to me she just offered. I love when people stay true to the word. It gives me a nice feeling . Yea its a small thing but I have been let down soo much in life I think I am just surprise when people follow through with what they say however small. Usually people say they are going to do something..I am like yea ok thats nice and then I forget about it .But anywhoo she called to ask if I wanted her to bring any others so she is bringing me Saw I and Saw II ..never heard of those either like I told her I cannot remember the last time I caught a movie.

I have not spoken to Amy in ages. It seems since she got fired we have kinda grown apart. She always call me at a bad time and when I call her she has to let me go and never call back. I text her she dont text me back but I dont sweat it, but shiit she always talking about somebody using her azz and I am on her cell phone plan and I kinda feel funny like I am using her for her cell phone now since we dont speak now. Boo say I am not using her its just business. Yea but I dont know she might feel like I am just using her for the phone now …who knows…but I hardly ever use the cell and to be honest its convenient but I can do without it because I am not much of a phone person. I am grateful for the phone but I didnt originally want it but when everybody was jumping on the Nextel bandwagon she begged me to get one with her ..no lie..I can just as easily go back to prepaid. Cingular has the best plan however I liked it better when It was ATT Go Phone.

My Aunt P left a message on my cell yesterday if I would help her pack this weekend. I would however I think I am turning into a hermit because I really dont like to leave my house on the weekend… but true. I might go help her even though when I asked her to help us move she said she would but left for Dallas the weekend we moved. That sucked.

I think I am going to turn in early tonite. Having a lot on my mind lately…until next time

Chrissy

Easter Was Great!

Nothing much going on ..same o same o…Easter was planning on staying home and not do too much however Daddy called us while we were at the car wash doing our regular weekend routine of washing the car for the week and invited us over to my uncle house who was cooking. I told him I would let him know ..wasnt feeling it but Boo wanted to go so we went.

After washing the car, we ended up heading back to the house to get ready to go to my Dads, Boo gave me another Easter Bunny this year to add to my collection of the other 3 that I have.Was not really expecting anything for Easter however after washing the car in the hot heat ..went to take another shower..came downstairs and there was a Easter Bunny, card, candy, and bath/shower gel/lotion set on the coffee table…was a pleasant surprise. I think its kinda cute that he gives me an Easter gift..first I though it was kinda childish but now I like it..I started thinking how I never bought him a Easter gift so I ended up buying him a yellow and white collar t-shirt…all in the Easter spirit He looks good in yellow….

Had a surprising great time visiting my Daddy. I hardly ever go over there to visit. Usually just stop by and scoop my Dad up and head back to our house or go somewhere else. My Dad lives with his brother and brother lady friend. The reason I hardly ever go over there is because they are all drinkers. My Dad is cool with me when he drinks however my Uncle lady friend is a trip. She will curse you out in a minute and likes to hug all on you–get touchy feely– telling you all her problems with the alcohol breath in my face telling me how beautiful I am but she was str8 this time. We sat there and talked . This lady is like 81 years old and looks good for her age even after being an alcoholic and it was interesting hearing about some of the things that she has gone through. She’s always asking me to invite her over the next time we come pick up my father and I might just do that.

I hate that me and my Dad ended up getting into it though. I dont know how did we get on the subject…. *pauses to think* …okay well we were listening to some music and drinking and my Dad had put in one of the Whitney Houston classics so of course we started in on her –discussing her being on them drugs and then… *thinking*…. okaaay but I have no idea I dont recall how the conversation got around to my Dad …anyway she was telling me that my Dad was on his last leg at his job for going to work drunk… and of course I got overly excited and got to nagging how he was going to lose his job when it took him forever to find this one after getting fired from the last one for a similar situation….pretty much the night turned sour from there because she also brought up the fact that my Dad was still doing drugs and of course he denied it and got mad because I believed her and got soo upset about it that he ended up walking out the house and not coming back into the house until Boo went outside to talk to him..guilty..guilty..guilty..I know that shiit is true because I havent been hearing from my Dad lately. Usually he will call on the weekends and have me and Boo pick him up on at least one weekend out of the month but when he is doing bad he seems to avoid me like the plague. All I can do is put in the Lords Hands . Ya know cant let it worry me but I cant help but worry about my Daddy..Daddy’s Little Girl right here…so I guess we not on speaking terms right now..Even though Boo convinced him to come back into the house I was soo disappointed that I pretty much was quiet for the rest of the evening until time to go . When he walked us outside I was just going to give him a hug and say goodnite however he just HAD to bring it up again..”Baby she lying ..she always starting trouble”I dont know I just didnt believe him so he walked away from me yet again I was like fcuk it and got in the car..Boo was like naw ya’ll dont need to be ending the night like this..lemme go talk to him again..so he got out the car and Dad came to the car..this time it was my fault..he study want to tell me he aint doing that shiit and I wasnt tryna hear it so he walked away yet again

I should have just let him say what he had to say and zip my damn lips but ya know my mouth has always gotten the best of me… I love him and he says he can take care of hisself so what can I say. I am not the parent..

Everything else is going okay ..I dont know why but I feel like something major is going down soon. I am on edge. I dont know what to do but pray. Something I dont do enough off…until next time

Chrissy

What Am I Doing?

Dont really know what I am doing just trying to stay afloat…which is not a good thing, but I will soon figure it all out .

Went to Maxwell’s Club on Saturday

….….….…

Can u believe I actually had a good time? Yea!!! I did. I did. I enjoyed myself. No drama at all…just a really good time.

Walked into the club ..looking fierce …and I had a feeling that it was 25 and up and lo and behold it was…peeped the sign they had posted in the front ….DAMN…but looked at boo, he looked at me ..still went for it. Dude stamped my hand and just walked off. For a minute I thought I would be embarrassed… Wanna go back there but afraid next time I wont be soo lucky to get in. That club was soo laid back..had a good time…Was comfortable enuff to dance and didnt have to have a drink to do so….was just naturally high and had a good time. I luv them old folks club. Not saying I wanna rush and be 25 when I just turned 24 but ya know damn I like that place

Why did this girl try to holla at me at the club?? I started to take her damn number and give that motherfuckr something to be mad about ..just for giggles…ha…

Black face been breaking out really bad. I think its from ingrown hairs or whatever, but I done bought every freaking contraption for the face under the sun and nothing is getting rid of it. His face looks really bad and you know that pretty boy dont like that I met him that was one of the things I liked about him was his pretty sexy chocolate brown skin.

I had broke out real bad last year too but my face has cleared up and he broke out right after me and his face has not. When we broke out around the same time I told him folks gone think we got something because we both looking contagious, but luckily I got that shiit off my face

..I dont know why I told him they look like lesions now I got his azz skurred. Finally got him to go to the doctor tomorrow to see about his face and he says he is going to take an AIDS test. I got him worried. Shiit I aint tryna worry you because I been fukking with ya for 6 years so if you got AIDS I am pretty sure my azz got it too by now. Just stating the facts. Seriously doubt it but I always get nervous at the thought of getting an AIDS test. I think everyone does even if you know you been protective. Thats a killer and definitely not a good way to go. Had a cousin die from AIDS.

We shall see.

Auntie called me yesterday to tell me she just got back from Cali and it was nice. Little Cousin Danni Poo dating a white guy now …Whatever floats your boat if you like em I love him. Told me Danielle(God I hate that name now!..anyways)had gotten bigger. She had told us that she was now 230, but Auntie say she wears it well with no stomach all azz…. I was in shock about that because I knew she was doing some modeling in LA but shiit its in the food because everybody is getting thick. Them damn hormones they injecting into the food is killing us all. Why did I cook some chicken legs the other day that was huge as all get out. I thought they were turkey wangs and refused to eat them..that shiit is not normal…oh well…I am going to lay it down..try to not be soo addicted to the computer..but its hard as all get out…until next time

Chrissy

The Devil Made Me Do It

Wooooooooooooo—–Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Ok I guess i needed to calm the hell down. I was kinda upset there…just a tad. I guess you can never know someone as well as you may think you know that person. Daddy said dont let ya guard down babygirl. He may be right.

I’m on alert.

We got our commission report on Friday and man oh man my check next week is going to be FAAAAAT!. My mouth damn near dropped to the damn floor when Michelle gave me my report. I cant wait to see that check. That will be the biggest check I ever cashed. Ed passed my cubicle on Friday and had said Christina your commission is off the chain. I was like oh really now..but I didnt imagine it would have been that cold. I think they showed the whole side of my center my report before I could even view it. I was like can I trade the check we got just now for the one that we get next week, because I could really use some of that right now..I mean really. I knew it was going to be nice because I have been having a EXTRA month. Even my supervisor looking at me like damn what ya selling over there. I am a good salesman errr I mean saleswoman —- I rock

I cant believe I havent done my income taxes yet. Every year I procrastinate and hardly ever make the deadline…oh well. I need to go pick up that 1040 EZ form so I can get that done. You would think I dont need the money by how long it actually takes me to mail it off. Not the case. Just my slow behind..It doesnt take me long to do it at all.

Havent heard from Auntie yet. I guess she still mad about me telling her to mind her business. I wasnt even mean about it though. I just told her I dont want to discuss that with you. Cant please ‘em all. I called her but she never home. She left me a message one day and wants me to call her at her girlfriends but I dont wanna call over there. Thats the same crazy lady that left us at the Chinese Buffet that she told me she wasnt gonna mess with no more. People makes me laugh sometimes. Try to give you advice on your relationship oh I wouldnt do that and hell no to this hell no to that and then start having problems in their own. ..Say men too much trouble but seem like them women drive you just as crazy if not crazier.

Baby upstairs changing the tile in the bathroom,because I didnt like that color tile they had in there. I am soo bored. I told baby to put on this Johnny Taylor and he got me reminiscing bought to fall asleep. “I believe in you…you believe in toooo.” Love that jam…. Baby tease me about being soo young luvin the blues… uh oh..”Will ya help me find a juke joint yeah..uptown cross the track” I love me some JT…Like just because he old he da only one that can like the blues. I guess I will go watch baby finish the bathroom upstairs or go lie down and finish my Carl Weber book So You Call Yourself A Man. Its good but not as good as Married Men was..Now that was a good book…Trying not to go to sleep yet because I got a taste for some chocolate tonite Baby say I’s wearing him out yet he stay ready…Got some dishes to do first . I hate dishes..Until next time..

Chrissy

Sunday Already?

Took my braids out on Friday. I could have saved 40.00 dollars by doing it myself but I knew it would hurt alot less if I let someone else do it. It was money well spent IMO. I really need to stop keeping those things in soo long but when I get a hairstyle I know how to wear it to death. Lady combing thru my hair when she got them all out reminded me of the little girl on The Color Purple…ahhh ahhhh ahhhh That shiit hurt. Naw it didnt hurt really. It would have hurt more if I did it though. My hair is too damn thick I tell ya.

Hadnt had a perm in about 7 months I believe. I was trying to go without the perm before I got the braids and then I had the braids in for 2 months ..took em out..put em back in…so that was extra time without the perm. Heidi goes you going to need 2 perms … I went ahead and went to Miss Pennie on Saturday and let her perm my hair. I got too much hair to be not gettin a perm. I need to find something to put in my hair in the front, because it is getting thin and really weak in the front. I let her put some twists in the front and did a ponytail in the back. When she finished I knew it was coming down because baby wasnt going to like it. He likes me to wear the same oh damn hairstyle if it aint braids (and took him forever to come around on the braid thing ) he want me to wear the hairstyle that I had when I met him. I am like can a sista change it up .Gotta love him.

Bought some new makeup yesterday ..new style new make up right? That CoverGirl/Queen collection is really good. I love Queen Latifah. She is a great role model. She seems really down to earth and is beautiful and can sing. I keep telling myself I need to get her latest cd but havent. But anyway they need to come out with more make-up for us sistas. I dont wear make-up that much though but I will be wearing her collection from now on. Everyone raves about MAC too so I might try that but Cover Girl is good for now.

Baby Aunt is in the hospital. Pray that she gets well. He is upstairs talking with his family as I type. I really like this Aunt. When he took me to Port Arthur to introduce me to his family I thought she was the one that welcomed me more than the rest. She was really friendly and down to earth. We hung out in her bedroom for a minute and talked and watched television.

Well thats about it nothing much else to write about. Until next time…

Chrissy

I’m Back

Been away from the C.L. awhile because I had to move my phone/dsl service from old address to new and we moved this past weekend. It was only 5 days I was away but felt like an eternity. Probably was the longest I ever been away from this place since I joined.

The move went ok. We drafted my daddy to help. My old man got some strength. Sad to say but I wasnt much help. Most of my furniture is heavy and the boxes I packed was too heavy to lift. I felt bad that I really was not much help, but everytime I tried to lift a box to help. Baby just gave me a look….and I sat it back down Poor daddy . We wore him out. I felt soo bad I kept asking daddy you ok you wanna take a break. You need some water? Oh man..come to think of it I need to call him again and thank him profusely. We would not have been able to do it without him. Well when we moved into our old apartment it was just me and baby. We got some heavy azz furniture and I swear it was not easy. Baby was easier on daddy than he was on me..a lot nicer. Very frustrating…a lot of heavy lifting I did that time. Daddy was alot of help. And he had to take that heavy headboard and dresser up a curving staircase. I know it was hard work.

After all that I only came out with one broken item and that was my computer desk. Baby was frustrated “man you done broke it” “you dont broke it” Dad apologized ..I didnt even care. I just felt bad for working my daddy that hard. I know they was tired. Moving is not easy. Afterwards baby said he can probably fix the desk. I was like or buy a new one, but then I forgot that he bought me that desk soo…… It didnt help that it was like 30 degrees outside. Going on March and we just now getting some winter weather. But it was that cold rainy weather.

But now its over..just alot of unpacking..straightening..still got to the 28th of this month to get back to the old apartment and clean that place out. Come to think of it i need to stop by there soon to check on the place. I came home yesterday and baby had fixed the living room. Furniture all in place..curtains up..Bedroom set almost put together. My baby moves fast. I was like dang dont i have a say in where everything goes.. Then like Aww never mind this place looks a mess do what you do. Just let me decide where the pictures gonna go.

Took the day off today to try to knock some of it out. I put the kitchen together. Really dont like how the cabinets are made but every thing is coming together nicely Until next time ….

Chrissy

HaPpY NeW YeArS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wat up?…Another year and I hope this year brings forth a zillion blessings and may it be very prosperous for me and my family and yours.

For new years I cooked and invited my dad over. I cooked a roast with some greens, black eyed peas, macaroni and cheese, and corn bread. It was my first time cooking greens outside of the can and the shiit was good if I do say soo myself I slow cooked that roast all night long and then took it out that crock pot and it was falling to pieces. I preserved the pot liquor and cooked the greens in that juice. My bf was heated cuz I only cooked a small pot. I was like dag man I didnt know they would be soo scrumptious lol and then why did I give the last of them to my dad to take home lol oh boy I was like “Baby I’mma make you soo mo’ He was like “I ought to have you go out there now and buy some and cook them up” lol But it was cool we played dominoes ..my dad and bf talked shiiit while playing as usual..and I think my daddy be trying to let me win..but he wont admit to it. Afterwards we watched movies and my dad and Baby fell asleep on the movies as usual. I hate when folks fall asleep on my movies. GRRRRR!

Been looking for apartments. I am starting to dread moving. It is such a hassle. I am trying to stay near our jobs and also not move into a bad neighborhood. Baby wants to move into a house, but the houses that we have found are not on the side of town that we wanna be on. I am also concerned about our credit, but hopefully it will all work out for the best.

This is the first year that I have not made any new years resolutions cuz I dont stick to them. But the three things that I would like to get good about is:

1. Get out of debt
2. Save
3. Work out

ok..lol maybe more than 3

4. Give up soda
5. Drink more water
6. Eat more fruit

Dats it I guess but yea just need to be more conscious about whats goes in my mouth. I be dead beat tired when I get home and dont feel like working out but need to get in the habit of doing so

Well dats all folks. I am bout to go hop in the bed with Baby ..Until next time

Chrissy

Home Alone ….ahhhhhh!

Sittin here wondering what tha h-e-double hockey stick..was I
thinking pushing baby to go spend Christmas with his family alone
this year. Alone ..as in..without me. I should have went cuz now
I am soo skurred I am hearing noises  and oooh its gettin
dark..breath in ooooooooooooh breath out ahhhhhhhh WOOOOOO
SAAAAAAAA …Damn it I need a cigarrette  and I dont even smoke
no mo’. Stop it Chrissy  you’s a big girl now, 23, and too old to be
acting like this. Its only for 2 nights. But But what if somebody kicks
my door in?…Dammit what was that noise ?  Oh just a car…I know
I know but I’s not used to being home alone …and .. What if if ….
What if somebody breaks in…oh tha possibilities…I will definitely be
up all night. Thank God for the C.L. keeping me company.It was in
the plans for me to coook and for my dad to come over and I flipped
the script cuz I knew Baby hadnt seen his family in awhile so it was
my bright idea for him to go spend Christmas with them , but I didnt
really want to go. We debated and debated on it and at first he was
reluctant to leave me but I pushed and pushed. Why?  I dont know
why I did. Well yes I do…its been a death every year, actually
multiples between my family and his, and not to be thinking about
death on tha holidays but ya need to spend as much time with ya
family while they here. Ya never miss them til they gone. And he
finally gave in and left and I miss him something terrible. Our first
Christmas apart…ahhh Its kinda hard but Its only 2 nights..and…I
have no – idea what I am doing tomorrow…. My cousin wants me
to come to her house and I dont wanna …damn I am sooo anti-social…
how did I get this way? Actually I have always been that way, but I
just dont like to be around a lot of people..they is family though.

Auntie say she not doing nothing but opening up a pack of ramen…and I
feel that …Christmas is probably just as hard for her as it is for me. This
the second Christmas without Big Brother…I miss my brother soo very much.
Daddy upset cuz I didnt go with Baby. He worried about me cuz he been
watching the news..says I’m stubborn and got it from him..yea what else is
new..say its dangerous out there…say them New Orlean folk ruthless..yea
yea I know some of them is but its always been dangerous. I will be alright.
My co-worker, Amy want me to go to her house..I dont know but I have a
strong feeling I will be staying home..*sighs* I feel better now…just had
to relax relate release…until next time

Chrissy

My Family..My Family

Yesterday was very eventful ..lemme tell you..I got a call from my auntie yesterday morning simply checkin on me and stuff and seeing how I was doing. Me and my aunt never go too long without speaking. Matter of fact..she da only one I speak to on a regular basis besides my daddy and my niecey..but yea she was speaking on her father who is now in a nursing home and now has alzheimers and she stated she was going to see him that day. I was like well I am sorry to hear about your father and thats good that you are going to see him and thangs. Then somehow or other we got on the subject of “G” and “S” ( who is my grandpa wife grown chillen) knowing her father. I was wondering how did they know her father and this da messed up part..kinda confusing but n e way.. here it go.

My grandma, whom I never met..she passed before I got here, had 7 kids. My oldest uncle stay in California is the oldest …my mother is the next oldest and her along with da twins and my uncle who took me in after my mother passed have the same father. My auntie who I am close with and my other uncle who stay in Dallas ..they the youngest but they have the same daddy but n e whoo. What I didnt know was my grandpa second wife was married to my auntie daddy and they lived next door to my grandma and grandpa in a duplex back in da day  So granny, God rest her soul, was getting her groove on  but n e way my step grandma kids that I thought was just my mother and ‘nem step brothers and sisters are actually my auntie and uncle half brother and sister.. Okay dis family got some secrets I tell ya …and soo much more drama that I aint got time to expose the Jerry Springer madness here.

N E Whoo my auntie was speaking on going to her mother and my mother grave site and was like I should have called you earlier so you could have come than we hung up. I got off the phone and me and Baby was still laying in the bed and I was like explaining what was going on . He made the comment of why dont you go so I was like yeah why dont I so I called my auntie back and she said she was going to get me when her girlfriend got out of church. Told me not to eat and thangs cuz we was going to eat later. Her new girlfriend, first time meeting her and thangs, is a character. She had just gotten out of church..the gal was dressed to the neens ya know but she was sippin on some alcohol and cussin up a storm and I was cool and errythang but I thought it was strange. Anyway we saw my auntie daddy..look just like my auntie..damn why that nursing home smelt like crap but n e way after that we stopped at my auntie friend house to visit then from there we went to my uncle house that I lived with for a minute and my grandpa was there. I got out and visited with him for a minute…he was happy to see me wondering why I dont come by . I stepped in and hollered with my cousin “D” who looking more and more like her momma I swear. I barely recognized her. It was nice seeing the family. This family dont get along at all but I was surprised to see how happy I was to see them. I exchanged numbers with my Grandpa and my cousin and just as we was about to leave why my auntie and her girlfriend got into it. OKay this is the scenario..here goes.

My cousin D came out to the car to be introduced to my auntie new girlfriend. My auntie say “dis Gwen” and my cousin D go “who Gwen”. I dont know why that crazy child said that but she did and my auntie unknowingly (lawd lawd lawd ) responded “Gwen is Gwen “  …So end of that I thought. We pulled out and my auntie girlfriend was mad that she did not address her as her girlfriend instead of saying “Gwen is Gwen” My auntie didnt remember saying that soo she called D on the phone to try to clear it up which made Gwen even mo upset but n e way that screwed up the whole evening. Everyone was quiet in the car looking crazy , but we still stopped by my grandpa wife house to visit.

The thing is when I am with my aunt she try to take me to EVERYBODY HOUSE. I asked her why and she say they always be asking her about me like “Where Chris” so I was like okay I was just wondering.

After that last visit..It was still kinda stale in the car but my auntie still pulled up to the restaurant expecting us to the eat and her girlfried was acting funny like she didnt want to go in. My auntie wanted me to go in with her and leave her girlfriend in the car but I was like naw I am not doing that sooo my auntie a fool. She went inside the restaurant and left both of our azzes in the car  . YEP SHE SURE DID. To make a even longer story short me and my auntie ended up getting left at the restaurant and having to call someone to come pick us up. Can you believe that shiit. CHRISSY DONT GET LEFT AT NO DAMN RESTAURANT!! GOT DAMMIT!!..Shiit but my azz shole got left that day. …So that was my very eventful Sunday and I was like damn remind me to take seperate cars next time when I go somewhere with ya’ll ..until next time

Chrissy