Hello 2009….and I’m still f ‘ing lazy.

I think about this blog everyday just been to busy yea right I mean too lazy to update it and I am online everyday. Crazy I know.

Christmas was b-o-r-i-n-g. I get soo depressed around that time. I just feel that my so called family should call me up and invite me or something knowing that all my immediate family is dead and gone ya know but oh well here is to 2009 and not giving a damn. Family…what family? They is forgotten.

My boo gets soo mad when I tell him that I am in this world alone because he looks at me like “what the hell am I ..chopped liver?” haha I love that man but I can’t depend on any man to be there for me forever and ever and ever because that shit is for the birds. I thought my ex would be down for me forever until his ass decided to cheat on me. Never thought it would happen even tho I accused him all of the time I still never thought it would happen. Yea if me and my man broke up today it would just be “me, myself, and I . Thats all I got.”

Props to my baby trying to make that day xtra xtra special for me tho. He bought me an Ipod 8GB . Ain’t it purty.  I been bugging him about a zune for the longest but who has 250 to just throw around on music so I told him I would  just settle for the zune that was like 149 turned out they were out because he went to buy it last minute so he gots me a nano. I didn’t know how freakin small this things were for real. I am such a cheapo how about when he gave it to me and I found out how much it was I was all like “take it back, take it back” haha . I didn’t see how he could possibly have gotten his moneys worth seeing how small it was but he was like girl stop tripping. Yea must be nice to have a cheap girlfriend. I am from Texas so we like everything big here. They trying to make everything soo small these days. I was like man this thang soo small Imma break it for real and then I didn’t like how you had to turn the wheel in order to select the song. I kept turning the damn wheel too much and it kept passin stuff up when I was trying to figure out how to work it. I had to sit it down for a couple of days and then I picked up back up again and quickly got the hang of it. My baby was like yea you was trippin I knew you would like it. Me and technology I am not hip I guess.

Really didn’t think I would be gettin anything because money is tight. I really don’t know how money is tight seeing how we not paying rent??? I am confused on that one for real. And I no you told me not to spend the money nodaysoff but ya girl needs a car. I am tired of being on public transportation for real so I am really thinking I need to take this opportunity to buy me a vehicle . It is hard gettin around Houston without a car. I may regret not taking your advice tho.

Other than that everything still the same. New Years we didn’t do anything. I am soo fed up with these holidays. Happy they are over for real I am . I didnt eat no turkey,dressing,ham,potato salad, yams, greens, broccoli cheese n rice, sweet potato pie, pecan pie, pound cake, german chocolate cake at all this year lol I named all that out to my boyfriend he said got damned and I was like yea my ex-family does it big.

Good news is I am still sticking with my diet no not a diet my new lifestyle and have lost 17 lbs in all without gaining a lick of it back. Trust me your girl still has a looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooog ways to go still LMAO but just takin it 1 lb at a time thats all I can do. Stick around I might show u guys my before and after at the end of this year and blow you guys away. Tired of being fat man.

Have a happy new year!!! Yea I know I am late but better late than neva.

Oh My Word

It snowed in HOUSTON yesterday!! What tha hell??? Check it out..

Now I don’t know how I managed to piss mother nature off but everybody witnessed this event except me. I didn’t get not one drop of snow. I was on the phone paying my cable bill and the comcast rep tombout “do you see the snow??” all excited and shit. I am like what snow girl? What r u talking about? Where tha hell r u ? And she was in Houston by the Northwest Freeway and I told her well send some over here to me I’m by the Southwest Freeway because I ain’t gettin a drop. She was sooo freaking excited, she was  like” yes I am from the Philippines and I have never seen snow before. Does it usually snow here?” Umm nooo this is a rare day but I was happy for her because she was just too krunk lol.

We only get to see snow about every 4 or 5 years and I have never seen this amount of snow since  never….I was in elementary the last time we kinda got snowed on like this and we ran outside with socks on our hands to play in it. Hell we in Texas we didn’t know nothin about what gloves are but oh well maybe in 4 years I shall get some snow in my own backyard.

I am just happy that I don’t have any kids because I would have been hot that they didn’t get their snow.

All I got was some cold cold temperature and rained on real hard. Man its fuckin cold.

Four Day Weekend

I am going to enjoy this 4 day weekend.

I don’t have any plans for Labor Day tho. I miss the days when ALL of us came together for a bar-b-q and just partied and had a good time. You know like a family is supposed to. I miss that. It makes me want to have a little family of my own. My very wise and smart man says “no we cannot afford” and you know he is soo right. Babies are cute but I need to figure out a way to pay for that booger first.

I was thinking, with all these women getting knocked up with no father in the picture, it does make me wonder are the women the ones convincing the men to impregnate them.

I started getting baby fever around age 22 and I would bring up to my ex from time to time that we should have a little one but he would always quickly knock down my idea.

I bring it up from time to time with Bj and he says “not right now”, but I know if I continued to press the issue I could easily convince him to have one with me.

I just wonder how many men that have impregnated these women were unwilling parties.

You know most men are easy to talk into doing stuff especially when they care about you. They love to please us ladies.

Even if the men were talked into getting their woman pregnant it does not excuse them from taking care of the baby once it is here and the relationship doesn’t work out like they had hoped.

I am just saying, I bet it was a lot of women that talked these men into getting them pregnant when they were not ready and now are mad because they not taking care of it.

Bj has a baby mama. A couple actually. It was one of the reasons that I did not want to get with him in the beginning but he won me over. Baby Mama #2 just came back into his life last year and has really been a thorn in his side because he is not being the father he should right now.

I don’t know how I feel about that. He doesn’t want to deal with her for a couple of reasons. The girl talks to him crazy every time she does call. I am not used to that. I told him I am the only one that gets to talk to you crazy like that lol. She is not fucking you anymore. But I digress. I know it is probably hard on her doing it all on her own.

Also he doesn’t just get to have the boy whenever he wants. He can’t just go get him. He has to play by her rules. She has to come along whenever he decides to do something with him. He says he wants to wait until he is older to be in his life because he does not want to deal with her. I would probably feel the same way no kidding but he did decide to have a child with her so the kid should not get punished because of the way his mother is.

I also don’t want to be the reason he is not in this child’s life which he says I am not. He tells me I am the reason that he will be in his life sooner than later because I always ask about the boy and if he has talked to him. Whenever the girl calls I do push him to answer. I don’t know if thats right or not. I don’t think I should be forcing him to be in the boy’s life but I know if I pressured him about it he would be more active in it. Funny but my opinion on this matters to him a lot. I am going to stop doing that tho. Its not my kid and I don’t want to be like his baby’s mother forcing him to see the boy when the child is not mine lol.

He made me mad though when we broke up ……for a day lol . He did tell the girl he would start seeing the boy more so I told him that makes me feel like I am the one coming in between you and seeing your child. Why?

N T Way.

I hope everyone has a good Labor Day weekend. I will enjoy my time off even if  I don’t do anything else. Maybe we can catch a movie or something. We haven’t did anything in awhile as a couple.

Lonely

I am an Aquarius so I am always thinking thinking thinking which tends to cause problems for me because I get really depressed when I think and am faced with MY REALITY. I hate feeling sorry for myself. Like woe is me…nobody loves me…but after feeling that way and having a good cry about it I always somehow feel better.

I usually avoid this by trying to not think about the fact that I am lonely but when I think about it and I go over all that I have went thru and what I am left with I get depressed. I try to be optimistic about the situation like “oh God is blessing me to have a steady job and survive and be able to pay bills” but life is about more than just that isnt it.

When I overthink things too it causes problems for me and my bf because I push him away. I become afraid of someone else in this world leaving me yet again that I try to push him away before he leaves. I just don’t think that I could suffer thru it anymore. He always tries to convince me of how much he really loves me and he shoudn’t have to do that. One day I am going to push him away and he will be gone forever. Its happened almost twice already that I ran him off but he came back. My ex did this to me so I should know how it feels to be pushed away. I put up with it for close to 7 years and now I am treating my bf like this when he is a good person and doesn’t deserve it. He deserves to be happy which is why he shouldn’t be with me.

I do depend on my bf too much for my own happiness and I am afraid of that. He brings me soo much happiness and makes me forget all about my loneliness that if we break up I wouldn’t die but I would want to. I took a big lost when my father died in Sept and when me and my aunt fell out yet again because those two where the only ones that I felt who cared about me because they called and checked up on me a lot.

Lately I have been thinking, and yes my crazy self did tell my boyfriend this If he decided to one day kill me no one would miss me? No on in my family calls to check on me. I don’t have any friends. Lord my body could lay up in this house for at least a year and no one would even know it.

I mean what is it about me. God doesn’t give you too much to handle they say and I am able to handle it but why should I have to. I dealt with my mothers death, my brother’s death, me and my ex breaking up, my fathers death, me and my aunt no longer talking and having no friends.

When I went to my cousin’s wedding, I was embraced and I felt like I was apart of the family. People I haven’t seen in years was hugging me and looking at me strangely making it seem like I am the one being the outsider. They only know what they are told and that isn’t the case. They make it seem like I am the one that doesn’t want to come around. The only way I feel they should be able to say that is if they were actually making an effort too and I was not responding to their effort. No one calls me and no one invites me over on holidays and I think that is really shitty to be honest because they know that I don’t have any family so the nice thing to do would be to invite me at least. Thats what a family is supposed to do. Instead they leave me out and just go on about their business acting like “oh Chris just want to be by herself and she doesn’t want to come around us or whatever so forget about her.” At least thats what it seems like how they are acting.

I have always been kind of quiet and to myself so its hard for me to take the initiative but why is it soo hard for them to embrace me. On Independence day I pointed all this out to my bf he was like why don’t you call them. Why should I have to? He mentioned before that they were the big group so some shit about me having to go to the group instead of them coming to me. Umm okay so If I dont go to the group as you say they just leave me out. Why should I even care? I used to not care but like I said things have been difficult for me since I lost my father.

I been taking a long look at myself like what is about me that makes people not want to embrace me. As a child I was spoiled and I got all the attention. Everyone loved me. I had more friends in elementary school than I ever did. My house was the place to be. All that changed around the age of 11. I know I am not the friendly type but alot of people are not friendly and have alot of friends. Why can’t people accept me. I am not a bad person.

I love writing in this blog it’s soo therapeutic. I want to write more often but I am lazy. But yea even with this blog I have what 2 readers. I may have more but they don’t comment. I am thinking about just making it my own private blog since no one reads it anyway.

Maybe I should start a family of my own. I sound like one of them kids off of talk shows wanting to have a baby so that I could have someone to love me but no I want to have a baby to replace the family that I don’t have. I told the boyfriend I wish I could have 10 kids. If I had the money I would adopt all of the unloved kids in the world that have lost their family or have been thrown away and made to feel unwanted.

For those of you that have a loving family be happy about that. If you have an overprotective mother relish that. Don’t take that for granted please. You never know what you have until its gone.

Love Is…

“Love is considered the most basic emotion that human awareness can feel; therefore, it is the closest to the source of life.”

–Deepak Chopra in Ageless Body, Timeless Mind

Update *My Aunt*

I know i needs to be doing some updating……

My Aunt- Well lets start off with my aunt, the only member of my family that I was really associating with and keeping in contact with besides my father. The last time I wrote we wasn’t speaking remember because of some bullshit. I wrote about that in my who cut the cheese post? LOL Well we actually ended up making up. I forget who called who first but some where around I think it was fourth of July she invited me over to her house to chill with her and her girlfriend because she had cooked and she wanted to meet BJ.

When I spoke to her after us being on the outs for awhile she was surprised to learn that not only had I not gotten back together with Rich, but now had moved on to BJ and had moved him in all up in my house and thangs. She was really expecting me to get back together with my ex I guess because we was together for 7 years and she knew how much I love his azz.

She met BJ. She liked him. At first when we walked into her house she was just like nice to meet you and everything. I couldn’t really tell what she was thinking about him until me and BJ was seated and my aunt’s girlfriend came out from the back room and saw my boyfriend. My aunt’s gf was basically acting a damn fool lol…like oh my God , he sooo handsome, damn where you find him at, ya’ll gonna have some pretty kids etc LOl. It was funny and embarrassing at the same time. After my Aunt’s girlfriend expressed what she thought about my man thats when my aunt let me know she approved. She was like yea Christina got a looker I see. I wouldn’t mind babysitting ya’ll kids cuz you know I don’t do the ugly ones lol. (FYI my aunt is extrememly hard to please in the looks department..she is high yella with light eyes and she is going on 50 but think she is the greatest thing created still since sliced bread. She talks bad about everybody..so for her to compliment my man thats something. Hey not that I cared if she approved or not because she thought my ex was ugly and I was still with him) The night ended ended well and me and my aunt was back talking and I was happy until….

Not too long after that day, my aunt invites me to go to lunch with her and a friend of hers. I was like cool. I was happy to spend time with her and since me and my ex had broken up, me and my aunt had gotten closer so I didn’t want to lose that connection just because I was in a new relationship. Ya know. So on this day, my aunt came and picked me and BJ up and we went to this nice restaurant that me and my aunt had been to before. I was in a really great mood. I paid for her meal and everything that day. After we left the restaurant her and her friend decided they wanted to go to the gameroom. The gameroom is like a casino. I didn’t even know that they even had casino’s in Houston until I started chilling with my aunt. Totally illegal!!! Ha ha such a trip how I found out, one day my aunt had took me to this place that said 99 cent store on it. The tint on the windows was really dark but I didn’t think nothing of it she didn’t tell me what she was getting from there but I always love to shop in the 1.00 store so hey I jumped out to go in, but when I walked inside, they had slot machines everywhere. It was a trip, but every since that day I now know how to spot them. Anytime I see a store with no name and has really dark tinted windows on it I know that its a casino. Crazy..But anyways my aunt and her friend was on one side playing slots and me and BJ was on the other side playing and losing all our money.

Anyways I was through playing . I had lost all that I wasn’t planning on losing but BJ wanted to continue to play. He had left his money at home so I was gonna spot him a 20 until we went back, and I am digging around in my purse and coming up empty. I remember telling BJ that I didn’t know where my money was. I knew I should have had more money, but he was like thats ok and my aunt was getting ready to leave so I just forgot about it. As we were heading out the door, my aunt leading the way, I saw her bend down next to the car and pick up something from the ground. Then I saw her chasing something that had flew a few feet away. I didn’t think nothing of it. Then I saw something green, a piece of paper next to the car, so I scooped down to pick it up and it was the receipt from the restaurant. When I looked over to my aunt she had (yep you guessed it) my money in her hand. The zipper on my purse was broken but I was still carrying it and the receipt from the restaurant and my money had ended up falling out of my purse. Thats why when we were in the gameroom I was telling BJ I am sure i had more money.

My aunt was all tripping because she “found” some money and I am steady telling her thats my money. I told her this my receipt it dropped out of my purse and as I am telling her this she is stuffing the money in her pocket and is like what that mean? That don’t mean anything. Gangsta. Yep, my family is gangsta. I was soo fucking mad I wanted to cry. I just got in the car and nobody wasn’t saying anything. So after awhile I was like can i have my money? and she is like how you know this is yours? How much is it? If its yours you ought to be able to tell me how much it is? How I know whats yours and whats mine now?

And that made no since because she asking me exactly how much it is and then telling me she don’t know how much of it is hers and how much of it is mine now that she has it all mixed in together in her pocket. So it makes no difference how much it really is does it ? She was still planning on keeping it. A complete trip. So she dropped us off at our house and I just got out the car without saying shit to her and BJ was like nice to meet you to her friend and nice seeing you again to my aunt. I was kinda mad at that like nigga she just stole my money don’t fucking talk to her azz. I heard her asking her friend if she was wrong or not and her friend was like trying to stay out of it. Hells yea you wrong. But that was the last time I let her burn me.. When I went in the house I just cried and BJ held me. It wasn’t even about the money its just how she handled it. She is too gutter and I am not like that. I can’t be around people like that. It hurt because I really love my aunt and I feel like she did me dirty but oh well that is life.

I didn’t talk to her again until in September when I found out my father was very sick in the hospital. And that will be my next post.

Happy Birthday to Me. I am 25.

Another boring birthday. I really did not make plans for today however I did tell my aunt that I would go out with her and her gf (before the cut the cheese incident) to a gay club they frequent. I was surprised my aunt called me this morning and left a voicemail on my phone wishing me a happy birthday. I was working so I didn’t have a chance to answer the phone. When I got home, her gf called me about 9 to find out if I was still going out with them but I didn’t answer the phone. I don’t know I don’t like drama and the incident from the day before left a bad taste in my mouth to where I just felt like I did not want to be bothered.

My co-worker Joanne had wanted to go out to eat on my birthday, but I didnt really want to do anything. I would have liked to go out to the club but I don’t have no girlfriends who will club with me. Sad I know. But I cannot say I am sorry for the way my birthday was spent. I just  lounged around the house and got a lot of much needed rest.

I am happy I can get in the 25 and over clubs, which is the only clubs I like to frequent anyway. Maybe I will find me a going out partner one day. Everyone wanted to go out with me when I didn’t want to go out and now that I do I can’t get anyone to go out with me.

25–thats the age I wish I could remain forever but I know it won’t be long before I start making my way to 30.

Who cut the cheese?

Well I hope everyone had a Happy Valentine’s day. I am happy that day is long gone. That was the first time in close to 7 years that I did not have a Valentine and guess what? That punk (my ex) did not even call me. I guess its good that he is moving on with his life but it still hurts that I think of him a lot and I am not on his mind.

I took off early and went to my aunt house because she wanted me to run her to her friend house, however when I got there she told me she decided not to go. As usual, she was having some problems with her gf so she started telling me about their latest argument. She wanted me to run her to the pawn shop to get some things out of layaway that she had there so I did that.

This is sooo stupid but this is how petty my family can be sometimes. We had a good time all day laughing and joking but on the way dropping her home we had one of the stupidest argument I have ever had with anyone. This smell came into the car like somebody had died or something. I thought my Aunt had passed gas because thats what she do. My aunt ain’t got no problems in passing gas in front of whomever. After a couple of minutes this foul odor did not go away, so even though it was cold outside I lowered my window some to let some fresh air in. I didn’t say anything to her.

After I let the air in, she goes why you do that? I look at her increduously and said “you don’t smell that? You farted didn’t you?” She looked at me and said that she had not done it and told me that I did it. I knew I had not passed gas so I thought she was just playing. You know when you are kids you play “you did it” “no you did it” when the person that really did it be lying all along. So I thought she was playing but after I insisted that she did it she started getting serious. Why I dont understand? It wasn’t something in my opinion to take serious. I was laughing and joking and to be honest I did think she was joking and had actually done it until too late I guess I looked over and saw she had this mean look on her face. LOL I am sorry but that is soo stupid to get upset over “Who cut the cheese?” If I had known she was serious I would not even carried on the way I did.

When we got to her house. I started not to go upstairs inside her place because she seemed to be in a bad mood, but I went ahead and went inside and I wasn’t going to stay long. When we got inside, I asked her why was she getting all upset? She started saying because she knew that she didn’t pass gas and that she put that on her mother’s grave and all this. I mean ok you didn’t pass gas ..thats fine.. but why get all huffy over it. So I told her I wasn’t her gf and that I wasn’t going to argue with her and she said to me “All of ya’ll can just leave me the hell alone. I don’t need any of you in my life” So affter she said that what the heck I’mma stick around for. I politely got up said bye and left.

This is the stupid childish stuff that goes on in my family. Folks stop talking behind crap. Does anyone else family do this?

**Black Friday**

I was able to finally visit Walmart on the day after Thanksgiving. That day I am usually working so I am not able to catch the 5am sales they have going on..this year I requested that day off. I was trying to get that 56 inch tv for 474.00 (what a deal!!!) and stupid me I thought I was early when I got there at 4:30. I should have known that was not early enough. I was gonna rent a big screen from Aarons so that would have saved me a lottta lotta money had I been able to be one of the first in line. I picked up the paper when I got to the store and noticed the fine print that I had missed earlier that said they had only 3 which turned out to be 8. The Walmart I went to really surprisingly did not have that many people there so I could have gotten it if I had just went earlier. Maaaaaan!!!!!! I overdrew my account 500.00 dollars just to be able to buy it. Oh well….

So of course I did not leave empty handed. I still managed to pick up some really good deals such as :

1. Venturer Portable Dvd Player -49.00

2. Lexmark All In One Color Printer- 29.00

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3. Samsung 5 megapixels 5x zoom digital camera-88.00

4. Portable Dvd Player Case w/ free car charger-9.99

 

 

But that darn 56 inch tv was what I really wanted. That almost brings me to tears just thinking about the great deal I coulda had. ……….474.00 dollars!!!!

Betta luck next time!

Happy Fourth Of July……..

Sitting here sipping on my Miller. RM is in the backyard barbecuing and talking to his mother on the cellular. Last night we were supposed to go see fireworks however we ended up making our own LOL. I was on the computer around 9:30 last night, RM was falling asleep on the couch feeling tipsy after talking me half to death like he usually does when he has had one tooo many to drink LOL. I say “Baby we were supposed to go see the fireworks at Hermann Park tonite and we totally forgot” RM got up drug me up the stairs saying “We can make our own fireworks. Oh, how I luv that man.

 My dad hasnt called me at all for the Fourth Of July. Am I selfish for not wanting to call him? It seems like I am always the one calling and he never calls me anymore. I invite him over all the time and he acts as if he doesnt want to come. He is basically all the family I have and I love him to death but I can’t do all the work in our relationship. I dont know whats going on.

 Still havent managed to take my braids out yet. I need to just go ahead and pay that 50 and get it done because my azz is too lazy to do it. I started taking out 4 in the back and havent yet brought myself to continue. RM said he would help me. Aint nothing like having a man that will help you with your hair LOL and he has even helped put a relaxer on my head before although he would kill me if he knew I was telling folks that.

Well everyone ya’ll have a happy fourth…stay safe and dont eat to much.

Memorial Day Update

Well almost did not have a Memorial Day due to the fact of the rain but it ended up stopping. Picked up father around 2 so as u can see we got a late start on the party. I hate going to my dads house. His brother girl has such a foul mouth. Ex:My dad had went inside the house and was taking awhile to come back out while we were waiting for him old lady have the nerve to tell me he prolly in there beating his meat. Nasty azz. I told that biitch thats my daddy I dont wanna hear that shiit. Always asking when we are going to invite her and my uncle over to our house. If u acted like u had some damn sense I would not mind inviting u because we hardly get company anyway but she foul. Then she want to blow her hot azz breath in my face talking and spitting and telling me how pretty I am getting touch feely. I be wanting to tell that old drunk lady to get out my face but try to respect the old drunk elderly.

Back at our house ya know dad hasnt been there since he helped us move so he liked how we had it decorated and said he liked this place betta because we not around Mexicans like before. He’s a racist… Mostly blacks and Asian where we live. I think Asians used to own these Townhomes and then they moved out and rented them out to blacks but you have a few Asians that have remained. I like it over here because its pretty quiet and private. Nice small community. Soo we got to dranking and the bar b q came out burned due to baby fuccing with my drunk self. I take full reponsiblity for messing up the bbq but he didnt blame me when it was all done he was just like ” I dont think my bbq came out that good this time “

His bbq be soo good sometimes he should open up a restaurant and would have probably been that good if he was not running upstairs to see about me but I was chugging them beers down and I hardly drink more than 3. think maybe I had 5 of the 16 oz and I usually have the 12 ounces.

Well I ended up upstairs and my drunk azz started to talk to my dad n baby from my bedrooom window. I had my head leaned out the window and they was in the backyard. Why did I break down crying hollering about I MISS MY MOMMA!! Oh boy then I got daddy crying and baby the one normally cant hold his liquor looking at us both like oh boy …
Baby came upstairs being his usually unsympathetic self saying I am spoiling the party wanting me to come down of course I refused and he made me cry more soo I started with the NOBODY LOVES ME!!! spill .You know when u drunk your TRUE feelings start to REALLY come out . I acted a fool I aint gone lie. Its been years since I got like that. Baby sent daddy upstairs to talk to me and then I was embarrassed ..we sat there and cried..and then I told daddy I was o k and to go back downstairs outside to enjoy hisself. Baby came back upstairs telling me he loved me and ya know drunk people I ended up throwing THAT OLD SHIIT in his face which he did not appreciate but he finnally convinced me he loved me and I came downstairs. Pathetic hunh ??? Yep.

Note: ****Feeling unloved is a motherfucca. The worst feeling in the world and will drive a motherfucca insane to drugs sex suicide. All of that. I understand how a person can be driven to that because I sometimes think about doing that shiit, but u gotta be strong and I need to put GOD in my life and know that HE loves me . ****

Ok but the party resumed after Queen Christina finished pooping on it . Sorry guys But spent the rest of the night drinking listening to music and dancing. Dont usually dance around my dad..He kept saying my baby , she got a lot of my ways in her My daddy think he still got it . He is an old playa from tha himalayas

Note :***Dont u hate when u typing in ya blog and your post just disappear Thats what happened soo trying to remember what else was on my mind ***

Everything was cool until taking my father back 2 tha house I started coming down off that high. I havent been hung ova in ages. I had my head in baby lap while he was driving moaning and groaning soo much u would have thought I was dying. Dad made Baby stop at the store to get me a coke said it would help me but it didnt. I was too full to drink that coke. Spent the car ride with my head stuck out the window on the freeway the whole way there and it killed my hang ova. And that was my Memorial Day.

Note: ***Chrissy going thru some thangs right now but I have faith that I am going to get thru and end up on top. ***

Chrissy

Easter Was Great!

Nothing much going on ..same o same o…Easter was planning on staying home and not do too much however Daddy called us while we were at the car wash doing our regular weekend routine of washing the car for the week and invited us over to my uncle house who was cooking. I told him I would let him know ..wasnt feeling it but Boo wanted to go so we went.

After washing the car, we ended up heading back to the house to get ready to go to my Dads, Boo gave me another Easter Bunny this year to add to my collection of the other 3 that I have.Was not really expecting anything for Easter however after washing the car in the hot heat ..went to take another shower..came downstairs and there was a Easter Bunny, card, candy, and bath/shower gel/lotion set on the coffee table…was a pleasant surprise. I think its kinda cute that he gives me an Easter gift..first I though it was kinda childish but now I like it..I started thinking how I never bought him a Easter gift so I ended up buying him a yellow and white collar t-shirt…all in the Easter spirit He looks good in yellow….

Had a surprising great time visiting my Daddy. I hardly ever go over there to visit. Usually just stop by and scoop my Dad up and head back to our house or go somewhere else. My Dad lives with his brother and brother lady friend. The reason I hardly ever go over there is because they are all drinkers. My Dad is cool with me when he drinks however my Uncle lady friend is a trip. She will curse you out in a minute and likes to hug all on you–get touchy feely– telling you all her problems with the alcohol breath in my face telling me how beautiful I am but she was str8 this time. We sat there and talked . This lady is like 81 years old and looks good for her age even after being an alcoholic and it was interesting hearing about some of the things that she has gone through. She’s always asking me to invite her over the next time we come pick up my father and I might just do that.

I hate that me and my Dad ended up getting into it though. I dont know how did we get on the subject…. *pauses to think* …okay well we were listening to some music and drinking and my Dad had put in one of the Whitney Houston classics so of course we started in on her –discussing her being on them drugs and then… *thinking*…. okaaay but I have no idea I dont recall how the conversation got around to my Dad …anyway she was telling me that my Dad was on his last leg at his job for going to work drunk… and of course I got overly excited and got to nagging how he was going to lose his job when it took him forever to find this one after getting fired from the last one for a similar situation….pretty much the night turned sour from there because she also brought up the fact that my Dad was still doing drugs and of course he denied it and got mad because I believed her and got soo upset about it that he ended up walking out the house and not coming back into the house until Boo went outside to talk to him..guilty..guilty..guilty..I know that shiit is true because I havent been hearing from my Dad lately. Usually he will call on the weekends and have me and Boo pick him up on at least one weekend out of the month but when he is doing bad he seems to avoid me like the plague. All I can do is put in the Lords Hands . Ya know cant let it worry me but I cant help but worry about my Daddy..Daddy’s Little Girl right here…so I guess we not on speaking terms right now..Even though Boo convinced him to come back into the house I was soo disappointed that I pretty much was quiet for the rest of the evening until time to go . When he walked us outside I was just going to give him a hug and say goodnite however he just HAD to bring it up again..”Baby she lying ..she always starting trouble”I dont know I just didnt believe him so he walked away from me yet again I was like fcuk it and got in the car..Boo was like naw ya’ll dont need to be ending the night like this..lemme go talk to him again..so he got out the car and Dad came to the car..this time it was my fault..he study want to tell me he aint doing that shiit and I wasnt tryna hear it so he walked away yet again

I should have just let him say what he had to say and zip my damn lips but ya know my mouth has always gotten the best of me… I love him and he says he can take care of hisself so what can I say. I am not the parent..

Everything else is going okay ..I dont know why but I feel like something major is going down soon. I am on edge. I dont know what to do but pray. Something I dont do enough off…until next time

Chrissy

HaPpY NeW YeArS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wat up?…Another year and I hope this year brings forth a zillion blessings and may it be very prosperous for me and my family and yours.

For new years I cooked and invited my dad over. I cooked a roast with some greens, black eyed peas, macaroni and cheese, and corn bread. It was my first time cooking greens outside of the can and the shiit was good if I do say soo myself I slow cooked that roast all night long and then took it out that crock pot and it was falling to pieces. I preserved the pot liquor and cooked the greens in that juice. My bf was heated cuz I only cooked a small pot. I was like dag man I didnt know they would be soo scrumptious lol and then why did I give the last of them to my dad to take home lol oh boy I was like “Baby I’mma make you soo mo’ He was like “I ought to have you go out there now and buy some and cook them up” lol But it was cool we played dominoes ..my dad and bf talked shiiit while playing as usual..and I think my daddy be trying to let me win..but he wont admit to it. Afterwards we watched movies and my dad and Baby fell asleep on the movies as usual. I hate when folks fall asleep on my movies. GRRRRR!

Been looking for apartments. I am starting to dread moving. It is such a hassle. I am trying to stay near our jobs and also not move into a bad neighborhood. Baby wants to move into a house, but the houses that we have found are not on the side of town that we wanna be on. I am also concerned about our credit, but hopefully it will all work out for the best.

This is the first year that I have not made any new years resolutions cuz I dont stick to them. But the three things that I would like to get good about is:

1. Get out of debt
2. Save
3. Work out

ok..lol maybe more than 3

4. Give up soda
5. Drink more water
6. Eat more fruit

Dats it I guess but yea just need to be more conscious about whats goes in my mouth. I be dead beat tired when I get home and dont feel like working out but need to get in the habit of doing so

Well dats all folks. I am bout to go hop in the bed with Baby ..Until next time

Chrissy

Home Alone ….ahhhhhh!

Sittin here wondering what tha h-e-double hockey stick..was I
thinking pushing baby to go spend Christmas with his family alone
this year. Alone ..as in..without me. I should have went cuz now
I am soo skurred I am hearing noises  and oooh its gettin
dark..breath in ooooooooooooh breath out ahhhhhhhh WOOOOOO
SAAAAAAAA …Damn it I need a cigarrette  and I dont even smoke
no mo’. Stop it Chrissy  you’s a big girl now, 23, and too old to be
acting like this. Its only for 2 nights. But But what if somebody kicks
my door in?…Dammit what was that noise ?  Oh just a car…I know
I know but I’s not used to being home alone …and .. What if if ….
What if somebody breaks in…oh tha possibilities…I will definitely be
up all night. Thank God for the C.L. keeping me company.It was in
the plans for me to coook and for my dad to come over and I flipped
the script cuz I knew Baby hadnt seen his family in awhile so it was
my bright idea for him to go spend Christmas with them , but I didnt
really want to go. We debated and debated on it and at first he was
reluctant to leave me but I pushed and pushed. Why?  I dont know
why I did. Well yes I do…its been a death every year, actually
multiples between my family and his, and not to be thinking about
death on tha holidays but ya need to spend as much time with ya
family while they here. Ya never miss them til they gone. And he
finally gave in and left and I miss him something terrible. Our first
Christmas apart…ahhh Its kinda hard but Its only 2 nights..and…I
have no – idea what I am doing tomorrow…. My cousin wants me
to come to her house and I dont wanna …damn I am sooo anti-social…
how did I get this way? Actually I have always been that way, but I
just dont like to be around a lot of people..they is family though.

Auntie say she not doing nothing but opening up a pack of ramen…and I
feel that …Christmas is probably just as hard for her as it is for me. This
the second Christmas without Big Brother…I miss my brother soo very much.
Daddy upset cuz I didnt go with Baby. He worried about me cuz he been
watching the news..says I’m stubborn and got it from him..yea what else is
new..say its dangerous out there…say them New Orlean folk ruthless..yea
yea I know some of them is but its always been dangerous. I will be alright.
My co-worker, Amy want me to go to her house..I dont know but I have a
strong feeling I will be staying home..*sighs* I feel better now…just had
to relax relate release…until next time

Chrissy

On Vacation…

YESSSSSS! I dont go back to work until Tuesday and bets believe I am going to
be enjoying these 4 days of relaxation. I basically finished up my Christmas
shopping last night. I had to go pick up a Secret Santa gift and I had went to
Walmart. I give great gifts. I love doing Secret Santa..It was suppose to be a
dollar store gift they said. Dollar Store Santa  but I cant get nobody a gift from
no dollar store. They had a lot of nice shiit there. Everything I saw to get for
someone else I pretty much had to buy one for myself too  Yep. What I ended
up getting my person was this black Fiber Optic Angel holding a baby lamb and
it played music. Its beautiful and I knew she would love it. My Secret Santa went
to the dollar store for me though  but dats okay. I got some slipper socks and a
candle. I also bought a little body lotion/body wash gift set for the girl that sits i
n the cubicle next to me that I run my mouth too sometimes. I bought Baby mom
a perfume gift set. The only person that was hard for me was Amy. What I
originally wanted to get her was this black sweater that I had wore to work and
she had liked but they didnt have another one so that left me at a lost as to
what to get. I ended up getting her this really pretty jewelry box. Its wooden
and has three drawers on the left side. The bottom drawer you can put a picture
in a heart-shaped picture frame. On the left side is this glass door that opens and
is kinda like engraved with roses. On the inside its a place to hold necklaces and
shiit. I had to get one for myself. Pretty much..Amy got me a gift set with the
lotion/body wash/body lotion/ bath salts and a bunch of other stuff inside with
the basket and yea ya’ll know what I am talking bout. Matter of Factly Imma go
bathe with that tonite and smell like some melon before hopping in the bed But I
am happy that all I have left is my father and Baby. I learned my lesson that
whatever I give daddy he cant pawn . Thought I was doing something good for him
last year by buying him that watch and he pawned my shiit and prolly didnt even
get half back of what I paid for that thang, but oh well I gave it to him to do what
he wanted but it still hurt. He needs help. But if anything I will just probably get him
clothing or he has been mentioning a cd player but he will prolly pawn that tooo. Cant
worry about that though. Baby dont want shiit . Well he want alot but what he wants
is never expensive. I guess I should be happy because some women have to buy their
man 100 dollar pair of shoes and Amy suppose to be gettin her man a 300 dollar grill 
I mean we in the south I dont mind the golds but one is cool why da hell you gotta
get the whole thing grilled out.  But I need to hurry up and come up with a gift for Baby.
I have already gotten him some small gifts but still scratching my head on what to get…
. BTW dis Jagged Edge cd is not hitting. What happened?? Baby love Jagged Edge so I
am still gonna get it and he gonna play it to death and its gonna end up growing on me
cuz I am going to end up knowing every last word.  Thats usually what happens…until
next time