Do u know what today is…

It’s our anniversary, oh yea, anniversary. Well actually it was yesterday.  B-J and I  celebrated our 2 year anniversary. We had a ball at Dave n Busters and then ended the night at Red Lobster. I don’t too much care for Red Lobster. I mean we have been a couple of times and have always been disappointed. Our restaurant is Chilis. We always go to Chilis tho so we decided to go to eat some lobster. Every time we see their commercial we’re always like let’s give it another try because that ish looks soo good on tv haha. I tried lobster for the first time yesterday and that ish is gooood!! I see what all the big hoopla is about now. It was grilled and oh my Lord it was soo good. Next time I would like to order a whole one lol.Can you believe all those times I went to that Restaurant I never tried their lobster. Okay. Didn’t know what I was missing out on but anyway….

How good does it  fill knowing that you are loved? I love the fact that my man tells me that I make him soo happy. He has no problem expressing to me how he feels and putting into words how I make him feel. I love it soo much. When we came out of Dave n Busters, we was all giddy with excitement after going there acting like big kids, being competitive, and just playing games. Everytime we come from Dave n Busters he is always soo happy and in a good  mood. Just like a kid . All he need is his games. Men can be such simple creaturs sometimes.Not complicated individuals like us lol.

It is good to know if he is ever feeling down all I have to do is take him to Dave n Busters, get him his Spicy Lamb dish that he enjoys from this Asian Restaurant, and ride him one good time, and he’s pretty much in Heaven. Haha. I crack myself up but its soo true. He is a complete turn around from that last man that I had. Couldn’t make that man happy to save my life. Always had something to complain about no matter what I did. Oh well.

Last night before bed I wanted to recap a little bit by asking how was the last two years and what did we need to improve on in order to make our relationship improved and be where we would like it to be. I think we both agreed that we are really good now. I spent the majority of the first 2 years pushing him away and just basically being afraid of getting hurt and I have really sloooooooooooowed down on all of that. The more we are together I am starting to let my guard down a little more. Isn’t it like when u let your guard down shit goes wrong tho?  People sometimes take that as they q to act a damn fool .But whatever I am letting my guard down more and more and just enjoying the relationship and being happy. I had read some quote the other day basically about why waste time worrying about problems that are not there. You should handle those problems if and when they come up. If you spend all your time worrying about something that isn’t there you miss out on enjoying something that is good and beautiful and right-right now.

Live for today basically and I am doing that!! When it comes to my relationship anyway haha.

My Baby Is Coming Home…..

Just called the  jail for an update because when I called earlier today I found out 5 of the cases was dismissed but he still had to got back to court tonight. He had a total of 15 cases of traffic tickets and a few had turned into warrants. He was scheduled to go back to court at 6 this evening so I was waiting to call and get an update. My aunt stopped by she was going to take me up there to see him but when I called I found out that he was waiting to be released. Yipppeeeee!! I was going crazy without my snooga bear. Its only been one night but still. I was talking to this girl at my job and she was like he probably just do a couple of days but I had my doubts. I told her how many cases he had and she was like damn 15??? Obviously she had some experience and was like when she went to court the judge told her to plead not guilty and her case ended up being dismissed. I was like the judge told you to plead not guilty wow! Ok but I wonder if the same thing happened to him. All them tickets I can’t see all them cops showing up. I am soo happy I was thinking he was going to be sitting there a few months.

I hope he learned his lesson but you know how men is. I kept telling him that shit will catch up to you. But I am not sad n e more. I don’t think I will get any sleep tonight tho because I will be up waiting for him.

I’m Sad

My baby got arrested today. I soo hate that!

Won’t b Happy Til I Push Everyone Away

Baby I don’t know what to do right now? I feel soo lost without you here. All I can do is sit here in the dark and concentrate on the fact that you are not here with me. I hate myself right now. I hate myself for hurting and pushing away the one good thing in my life right now. All because of something stupid. I let that mess up everything that we built and have together. I feel soo foolish for allowing my anger to get in the way of our happiness. I wish that I could bottle up what I feel right now so just to sniff that bottle will remind me of what it felt like you not being here. Your truly a good man. And I sometimes take for granted how good you are to me. How stupid for me to allow this to come in between us. Baby I want you back here. Watchin our shows. Eating our salad. Laughin and Talkin. Drinking our mixed drinks. I know that I will never find someone who takes care of my emotional as you do. I pray to God he send you back to me right now!! I hear your beats outside? Do I hear you coming back to me? Had God answered me?? No. I went walking looking for the sound all the way to Popeyes and I didn’t see you or the Tundra. Guess it was just me wanting it to be you there and I didn’t see you. Please call me tell me you’re ok. I wish I had a car to drive around and find you. Are u thinking about me? I think I finally lost you ) :
I wrote this on October 1st. He is back now but I feel like he has one foot out the door. He loves me but his patience has ran out with me. Isn’t this what I wanted? To push him away. Well I succeeded so why do I feel soo sad. Always fuckin up shit. Got someone being the man, treating me like a queen, and I fucked up my own good thing. Didn’t have to have another bitch in the picture helping out. It was all me this time.

Uhh! This cat!

Seem like i just posted about my four day weekend. And today is already the last day of it. Aww Shit!!

Yea I forgot to post that BJ got me a cat like a month ago. We call her BB. It stands for busy body. That she is. One of his customers gave the cat to him and he already had told the customer he would take it but then called me to confirm. I didn’t want it but I didn’t tell him that because I thought he wanted it.

What is it about men that makes them always want to give me animals? My ex gave me a cat too. We named her Sunday because we found her on a Sunday. Had the cat for years and just got rid of her a few months ago. So I think it was non thinking on my bf part to give me another cat. When I got rid of the first one that should have told him don’t bring no more but I should have spoke up too . I just couldn’t say no.

The cat was chill at first man. Real laid back cat. She stayed to herself. All she did was find her a corner and curled up in it. I was like cool, this is just the kind of cat that I wanted. I always see folks with cats curled up in there window all day. Thats what I want a big ole lazy cat. Kinda like me lol.

My bf was all excited because we got our first pet together and shiit. He had me excited too but I was still skeptical because I know how cats are and I was right. Cat running all around the house, knocking stuff down, making a mess in the bathroom with her cat litter spread all across the floor. Don’t let us go in the room at night and leave her out. We sleep with the door closed. It keeps the room cooler. She wants to come in so she bams on the door for about an hour and when I went out of the room this morning I saw that she had pulled up the carpet in front of our bedroom door. Brand new carpet. *Sighs*

I don’t know how much longer i can deal with the terror. I am really not an animal person but I try to be. I like my peace and quiet times. Don’t like to be bothered much. My bf is regretting getting her too probably because of the way she is getting on my nerves.

She is really a cutie tho. Look at her. You want her?? You know you want her.

My cat BB

My Life My Life My Life My Life

It has been awhile since I have truly been this happy. I am letting my guard down more and more each day but still not all the way down because thats when things start fuccing up right? I really love this man and I used to always say darn everyone getting blessed being happy when is it my turn to be happy. I know I have been blessed being able to have a job from 4 years, not going hungry, having a roof over my head and clothes on my back. I am happy for that. All this not having no one to depend on but THE MAN up above. I have never had to ask my family for jack. My baby is like stop being soo damn independent (even tho thats what he says he loves about me). Its hard sometimes to let go and just BE A WOMAN. I have been the man and the woman in the relationship for soo long I forget I got someone that takes care of business and does it VERY WELL.

But HE really blessed me when he removed someone from my life that meant no good for me not only that but replaced him with someone that is devoted to pleasing me and I do the same for him. Thats my heart right there. Everyone in bad relationships that feel like they don’t have the strength to let it go should keep praying to God about the situation because I know what its like to feel like you are “STUCK” in a bad situation. I have been there and I know what it feels like and its not a good feeling to just takes someones bullshiit disrespecting you and not appreciating you when you really don’t have to take that so why do we become soo complacent. Do what you do and find someone that appreciates you for you and all that jazz. Why do you and get stepped on by an ungrateful mutherfuccer. I fear sometimes getting “STUCK” again but with my honey he is soo respectful and patient with me I really feel there is nothing to fear. Plus Id like to think I am little bit stronger this time but Love makes me weak. We get along great enjoy each others company have fun with one another and we both know how to be a big kid and then get serious. I would do anything for that man.

In other news my job is making yet another change. Aint that a biitch. This company lays off people more than a little bit. It has decided all of a sudden it doesn’t need its sales dept so has decided to do away with it so they are going to FIRE the sales dept and let them get re-hired again at get this 9.00 an hour WTH. Instead of doing sales they are going to be doing what I do which is mainly customer service. Ain’t that something. Aren’t I glad that I transferred from sales to customer service so I would not have to deal wit that bs. This company I swear. One of my best friends has been with the company for 5 years and she is going to be reduced to 9.00 an hour and she will lose her seniority and this girl has 4 kids. That is not funny. So they offered them a severance package instead if they don’t want to do that and will give them she said 1000 for each year that she has been there. Hummmm…..ok? But she says she is just soo fed up with the company and all of the changes that they keep doing that she is going to just take the 5 grand and look for something else. Can’t say that I blame her. If I was put in that position that is hard and scary to make a change but hey I have been with the company for 4 years and I know I deserve way more that 9.00 dollars and hour for all that I put up with. Hell I should be making more that I am making at this moment but a year ago they decided they wanted to take a dollar away from everyone

With every change this company makes I just take it like a soldier or a little bitch whichever way you see it and roll with the punches. I have seen soo many ppl get fired from the company over some of the most silliest stuff and I have survived, but I be damn if I allow them to play with my money again just because The company decides they want to lower their starting pay rate to 9.00 an hour and is trying there damndest to figure out away to pay their loyal employees who have been there for years what they pay their new hires. Get outta here. That is ass backwards. I have been with the company for 4 years . I got all that time invested and you gonna play me like that. I feel this is not over they definitely got something more up their sleeve. Like maybe lowering my dept to 9.00 dollars an hour. I . THINK. NOT. I am not going to worry about it. I have been thru it all and will still come out on top and my girl got something better that God has for her to do to .

Happy Easter!

Well I am hoping everyone had a great Easter holiday. Me and BJ got out and went to Dave n Buster’s. We desperately needed to get out and just get away from it all to clear our heads and play games and get back to enjoying each other. Now having said that, before I get to what happened at Dave n Busters, I am going to tell you that me n BJ haven’t been getting along soo well lately *gasp* . Yes, this is true. This perfect relationship – perfect communication- my knight in shining armour-man out of romance novel-man I put on a pedestal- oh I finally found a man that “gets me”- oh he is soo patient with me-oh he makes me want to become a betta person- yea him well he is just regular ole BJ now.

Now please don’t get me wrong he is still a great guy, but in case you didn’t know , I am going to tell you -“I am kind of a big deal” ( I want that shirt lol). Yea, I am a lot to handle and I can tell he is slowly running out of patience with me. Props to him for lasting soo long. My ex lasted almost 7 years but I had met my match in him so we just learned how to put up with each other shit for far too long. Men fall in love with me quickly because I got it going on *toot toot* I am pretty, I am a big girl but I wear it well, I keep myself up (meaning like hair, makeup, and clothes not exercise-wise lol), I have a nice smile, I am kindhearted, I am laid-back (as long as things are going my way), I am a great cook, I am independent chick, I got my own house, keeps it clean, ok job, no kids, know how to cater to my man, know how to stroke an ego, oh my wonderful qualities are endless.

Now as the relationship progresses, than thats when they began to see my bad qualities. Not that I was hiding those bad qualities or anything. Hell its hard for me to hide them. Them other people (in my head) just come out on their own. I try soo hard to fight it but I am an emotional person so I just react..I mean overreact lol. Gotta laugh at yourself right? I am soo honest to where I am sometimes too blunt. I told BJ from the jump how I was. He told me that I could not be any worse than what his ex was. I said “O.K.” .Altho Easter Sunday he ended up telling me I was acting like his ex *sighs*. And yes I am honest with myself I can point out my bad qualities to you. I am stubborn, I can be selfish because I like to have my way but only about some things–it’s complicated because I like to let him have his way too because I am a people pleaser. I don’t know I guess only when I want my way thats when it become a problem. I am spoiled but this kinda cancels itself out because I like to spoil him too, I am an attention grabber (unlike other spoiled folks I don’t want your attention I just want the attention of the ones that I love), I overreact, I over analyze things, I am critical, I haven’t mastered the art of “letting stuff go”, I bring shit back up, I fight over small shit that pisses me off, oh my bad qualities are endless. So while he may wanna leave its hard because he knows that I am a really good person and frankly when its good its good but when its not good well it can get real ugly.

Seriously now I can’t change myself completely and I wouldn’t want to but I am trying to work on the OVERREACTING and the LETTING SMALL STUFF GO. I think if I work those 2 out we’ll be fine. It’s gonna be hard. BJ is not innocent. He needs to work on the ALWAYS WANTING TO BE RIGHT and GOING BACK TO BEING PATIENT WITH ME (ya know before I wore his patient button out) and BEING ATTENTIVE TO ME WHILE HE IS AT WORK (now this is where he says I am demanding but hell he works all day he needs to text me more) and SEXXING ME MORE (he be “tired”)

It’s funny after writing all of that I don’t even feel like writing about what happened at Dave n Busters lol.

We got to Dave n Busters (my treat). We ate, had a drank, and then thats pretty much where the fun stopped. Bj was gonna go to the restroom before we started in on the games so I was waiting for him and then I decided I wanted to go to the restroom while he was already in the restroom. When I got out, I expected him to be waiting on me but he wasn’t he was already playing. So I just was like ok whatever I played some games and then I went over to him and we had some words and then he walked out and went to the truck and I went to the truck and we argued some more and then he took off and I tried to jump out of the truck while it was moving and he drove faster (punk) but he had to come to a light so I jumped out of the truck and took off walking. Never a dull moment. He had to keep driving because he was on the feeder and ended up parking somewhere and walking over to where he left me. We argued some more about nothing. I walked away and ended up stepping one of sandled feet into a hole in the ground that pulled off my shoe and broke off a chunk of skin on my foot that started bleeding (I know that punk was thinking thats what she get for acting like a b.i.t.c.h.). Bj tried to hand me my shoe to put back on and I told him to leave my shoe alone and he looked at the shoe and said “this is my shoe girl” (oh yea thats right it was). So then I took off the other one and refused to put back on “his shoes” even tho he insisted. So finally he convinced me to get back into the truck. Really I was just upset that I fucked up the day. We wasted money and we tried to let our problems go and enjoy ourselves but couldn’t. I felt like an even bigger ass when he was telling me he had got soo caught up playing this jackpot game, which is how he ran out of money soo fast, that gives you a lot of tickets so he could have gotten something nice for me with the tickets. AWWWW. He was like if he was playing for himself he would have just been playing arcade games.

And that was our Easter. We almost broke up on Easter. He started talking some crap about he tired of everyday same thing ……arguing. At first, I was being all hard like ok yea lets do this and then I was like no, I don’t want to end it let’s work it out. I told him that I will try to change. He said you’re just saying that. I was thinking yea I probably am. On the way home he kept asking me “so what are you gonna do when you get home?” I am like huh? I was not understanding until he asked me was I gonna let him get his stuff. I was like duh why didn’t you just ask THAT question instead of “so what are you gonna do when you get home?” That didn’t make sense. I said sure y not? I guess he thought I was gonna act a fool and not let him get his things. No. I got out of the truck and went in the house and after about 20 minutes I didn’t hear him come in the house so I go back outside and he is standing by the truck pacing. I am like whats going on he is like I am just trying to get my mind right. Sooo I let him “get his mind right” and went back in the house.

We didn’t break up that night, but I don’t know, I know he is fed up with the arguing and so am I. He is stressed out about work, 50 zillion thousand tickets he has to pay, he ain’t got no money and I am just compounding on to that.

I will try to be more understanding.

Man writing is very therapeutic

After going and reading over my last post a couple of times, I realize man I be overreacting over some small shit but that negro still did not have to lie. I got him scared of me and thats not cool but Christina is always on point. I be damned if I play the fool again. Thats all.

Speaking Of Men Lying….

Man why do they do that? Bryant wants me to trust him but keeps lying about small shit which frustrates the hell out of me. He says he lies to try to keep the peace because I tend to go a little overboard on things when I get upset. I say I understand that but still the truth is always better than a lie. I prefer you to tell me the truth always no matter how much you think its going to upset me. I rather to be upset over it than to be upset because my man lied to me.

This is what happened. Last night Bryant got off of work and we was chilling watching a movie upstairs in the bedroom and his cellphone rings around 10:30..I pause the movie..he answers it. I hear someone talking on the other end but can’t make out who it is, but the expression on his face tells me that he is a little agitated by the call. Usually the only person that calls around that time is the guy he works for to tell him about how the day is set up for tomorrow so at first I kinda think its his boss. The only thing that Bryant said was “No, I’m not” then he hung up. I asked him “Baby who was that?” He responds “oh that was Wes(his boss).” I ‘m nosey ..I ask “you not going to what?” He says “hunh?” I gave him my negro you heard me look and from that moment I knew he lied about who was on the phone and knew what was coming out of his mouth next was going to be a lie. Not to mention he has what I call the “lie look” the same face Rich would make when he would lie to me about something. I can only describe it as a softening of the face, a guilty look, like they are sorry for lying but still spilling the lies out their mouth anyway. If you can’t lie with a straight face don’t lie at all please.

Anyways he says something about Wes wants to know if he was going to have trouble doing some moves tomorrow or whatever. Basically mumbo jumbo..couldn’t even come up with a good lie on demand. So I ask, “Why are you lying?” He doesn’t respond. I mean he gets real quiet. So i get even lounder, “Negro why is you lying?” and then I threw the sweet we was smoking across the room. Don’t you know he had the nerve to express concern about the sweet because it was still lit. At that point I didn’t give a fuck if that lit sweet burned the entire house down. Thats just how I am when someone upsets me and I was soo sure he was lying about some bitch and that THAT would end the relationship tonight. I told him straight up “that was a female…who was it?”

He goes “Ms Peggy?” so I am asking why would you lie about her calling why didn’t you just say it was her instead of lying. He said its because last time she called I got upset which is true I got upset because everytime she calls him its like after 11 pm. I hardly get time to see him because of him being at work and I don’t like our time being interrupted and I don’t understand why she calls him soo late. My mama taught me you do not call someone’s house after a certain time ..its rude..especially if that person is in a relationship. Well anyways Ms.Peggy is like a 50 year old woman who braids his hair. I never met her. I don’t care how old she is though I am just a natural suspicious person and I am always on guard. I let my guard down one time and look you know what happened with that.

Now I am just upset that he lied. He said if I would have told him the truth I would have been upset about her calling and either way it was a no-win situation and he just wanted to continue to watch the movie with no problems. No luck of that. I am a very emotional person so If I get upset rarely can I just continue what I am doing like I am ok. If I am mad everyone is mad. Basically. I admit I did go overboard as usual told him to get out was crying and everything letting him know that it is not okay to lie to me under no circumstances. First he was acting all hard like ok I told you the next time you try to kick me out I am not coming back. When he said that I said whatever and I went in the restroom closed the door sat on the restroom floor and started crying. He came in there we talked and he tried to reason with me about why I should not make a decision when I am upset. He told me he understands that I am just scared of getting hurt again but he is not going to hurt me and he is the one to make me happy. I just got up and went in the bedroom. We ended up having sex I can’t turn it down lol..I am such a nympho. I am still a little upset about the situation but right now I am deciding to let it go. Its nothing serious.

Sooo In Love…

My love for Bryant is growing more and more each day. It seems like the more I fall in love with him though the less I feel like he loves me. No I don’t mean that its just like at first I was fighting it not really wanting to fall in love again because I was scared but I submitted and now I am in love and totally infactuated with my honey like he was with me when we first met. I know he still loves me its just at first he was all into me and fighting hard to get with with me telling me I am beautiful everyday and would stare lovingly in my eyes for minutes at a time. True, he still does all of those great things but just not as much as before. I love the beginning of a relationship when everything is soo new and exciting..over time things seem to settle down after awhile but I don’t want things to change too much. I just can’t seem to get enough of his love now. I am hating that we hardly get to see each other that much now. He gets off soo late and when he gets home he still tries to spend time with me even though he be soo tired ( I appreciate that) but then on the other hand I am like baby you need to get to sleep you have to get up at 6 in the morning. He soo cute..when he gets off he tries to have daquiris with me because thats one of my favorite things to do and watch a movie…but he always ends up falling asleep on the movie and then lying saying he is watching. Thats my baby!!

I still have trust issues though. I try to be all optimistic about the situtation but man will let you down time and time again. I am sorry I can’t just go thru the relationship thinking my man is never gonna cheat on me setting my own self up for disappointment. People say just enjoy the good times while they last and I gotta to remind myself to do just that. Bryant said he could never cheat on me because he cares about my feelings and doesn’t want to hurt me, but how many times have we heard that ladies. I also know men will lie to your face like it ain’t nothing knowing all along what they doing behind your back. I just know that me and Bryant could be soo good together and now that my heart is invested in him I really do not want to lose him and he says that he knows what he has and doesn’t want to lose me either. Awwww!!!…lol …yeah

**Update**

Wow I am having to dust the cobwebs from this blog again. I have thought about you a couple of times just haven’t had the time to write in you. Just updating me and Rich are still over, I answer that because everyone that hasn’t talked to me in awhile wants to know the answer to that I guess to know if I fell backwards or whatever. Nope I actually haven’t even been thinking about him much. The last I heard he sent me a Easter card and I called him just to thank him. I may not be thinking of him much because of…..

BJ ..yes we are still together. He finally convinced me to let him move in and everything. He’s been working paying his share of the rent, cable ( he got that turned on for me and I have never had cable), groceries..etc. I love him soo much. He is soo thoughtful, considerate, loving, helpful, attentive …I mean I thought that they only made guys like him in romance novels and love movies. He is wonderful.  Sex is still great.

Me and my aunt are still not speaking over that stupid ass bullshit I wrote about here. Still love her and think about her. I speak to my father occasionally and he is still promising to come see me and never shows up. My cousins “d” and “lee” got myspace pages now so we keep in contact now and supposed to be setting up a time to meet up soon.

So everything for the most part is going A-ok. I promise to check back more often.

I Get So Weak..Sunday edition

Sunday

On Saturday, Bj left to get his hair braided from a woman that lives down the street from me and when he made it back we pretty much lazed around the house the whole day. He bought some “green” from one of the guys that was there getting his hair braided as well so we pretty much spent the whole day Saturday and Sunday getting blazed. It was kinda bunk though. We usually get “the green” from Southpark but to avoid travelling that far and because we’ve been looking for a connection on my side of town we went ahead with this guy. I was just buzzing it didn’t really get me like I like to feel.

Sunday we must have had sex at least 3 times before Bj left. My pussy is a little sore but satisfied. It’s like I can feel ole girl smiling down there LOL. I am kind of upset with myself that I got soo weak minded and couldn’t stick by what I said but I am only human. I guess because the past few weeks have been kinda lonely for me and when he started kissing on my neck it became hard for me to say no.

Bj got up to leave around 7 and I walked him to the door. Usually he is the one that asks me if he could stay another night but he didn’t and before he walked out I was surprised that I ended up asking him if he would stay. He paused for a long time before answering yes and I guess I got upset that he took soo long to answer that I was like thats okay just go ahead and go.

Right now my head and feelings are real discombobulated. I don’t know whether I should just leave Bj alone since obviously we can’t be friends. I mean we could but that would be really hard for me because I have feelings for him *sigh*. I don’t know what to do.

I blame it on the dick that has my head screwed up right now. When I think about me and Bj that old SWV song comes to my mind. “I get soo weak in the knees. I can hardly speak. I lose all control and …….”

All them girls could sing hunh?

Until Next Time…

Chriss

I Get Sooo Weak….Saturday edition

Saturday

I caved in and spent this past weekend with BJ. I was like we are going to try this friend thing and see how it goes. Before BJ came over I asked him straight up what was his attentions when he gets to my house and he told me that he wanted to see me and spend time with me but was also hoping that we would have sex too. Hummph!

So he came over Saturday and at first I was being strong he was being strong. We was chilling, talking, and catching up with each other. He hugged me a little too long when he first came in. While I was in the kitchen he came up behind me to give me another hug and I felt a little no a bigggg something but we were doing good.

And then….we put on a porno. Why oh Why? I mean WHYYYYY?? That was the end of it. I can’t even remember how we were even to just break out this damn flick, but yea I think he said something and then I told him about this flick I found online (I love porn!) that goes hard and I asked him if he wanted to watch it (I do it to myself everytime dont I ) . I found the clip saved to my desktop and put it on for him and the sexual tension was soo thick you could cut it with a knife…and after a few minutes of watching it he goes “Damn I’m horny.”This man gone ask me if he could jack off in front of me (I like to watch!) and my answer was “friends don’t do that.” That was my answer to everything almost that whole day when he asked me something I wasn’t comfortable with …”friends dont do that.” And from there after we finished watching the one saved on my computer, he just happened to have one in his cd case that he wanted to show me.

This was the beginning of our show me yours and I’ll show you mine contest I guess. So we went upstairs to my room and he wants to show me his chest. He works out a lot so he says he has gotten bigger since the last time I saw him ( like its really been that long). I say thats okay and he actually gets mad that I don’t want to see his chest LOL. He tells me that he is going to show it anyway but when he lifted his shirt I turned my head LOL. Funny. It’ s like as soon as he got inside the house he started talking real big about how much better he has gotten since we were last together and all this jazz trying to get me to take the bait but I wasn’t biting. Like I said in a previous post, Getting Intimate With BJ, the sex has always been fantabulous with BJ but the last couple of times we did it was not the mindblowing sex I was used to with him. He was having some dingaling issues. So all that day he kept telling me “I’m back!” LOL….

He put the dvd in and I layed across the bed and he sat on the edge of the bed so I put my head on his lap. I was soo horny just from being near him. He looks at me and goes “Damn I’m horny” I say “You always horny” and we go back to watching the dvd. After a moment he asked me if I mind if he jacked off in front of me. He was really wearing me down, but I just shook my head. This negro gonna then ask me if I would leave the room. I just gave him MY LOOK but I pretended to get up off the bed to leave and he pulled me back down. Playing all these games when the inevitable was sure to show up, right.

So I am chilling watching this flick and I see BJ get up and straddle my ass and starts kissing my neck and I close my eyes and ahhh its been awhile. It felt soo good. He is very good with his mouth. I can feel him rubbing his dick behind me and its turning me on more while he is kissing down my neck..then down my back..and then plants a kiss on my ass. Oh-My- God. Could this be heaven?

He turns me around on my back and kisses my breast giving each one equal attention and paying close attention to the nipples. He sucks ‘em just like I like them. I trail my fingers across his cheek to his ears then tangle my fingers inside of his hair as he kisses his way down my body. He licks his way down my stomach to my navel and sticks his tongue deep inside of my navel. He unbuttons my pants then unzips my pants and slides them down my body -his mouth never leaving my body still kissing his way down until he gets to my pussy. He slides his one finger inside my wet pussy then two and I moan. He pulls my pussy lips apart and starts to softly lick on my pearl tongue then he applies more pressure and ahhh it feels soo damn good. I got my fingers in his hair and grinding my pussy into his face as I watch him rub his dick. Then I come…..

He slides his hard dick inside my wet pussy. When his dick first goes in it feels indescribable. Kinda like a dive in the ocean on a beautiful sunny day when your body hits that water. Yea like that. So he’s moving. It feels perfect. My pussy has a good tight grip on his dick and he’s moaning and I am moaning and were grinding and just when I am about to come he finishes. Oh talk about mad. I was. “Nigger what? I c ain’t nothing changed ” I say. LOL. He goes damn its because you feel soo good and you soo tight and wet. Damn its just something about your pussy. LOL.

I’m not really mad because either way I did come and I enjoyed it while it lasted.

How Could I Forget To Mention??

BJ called me on my birthday. When I was at work yesterday, I received a call from “private” and I don’t usually answer private phone calls but I picked the phone up without thinking. Then I heard his voice. I got real quiet. 1. I was happy to hear from him. 2. I was still upset with him about what he did. You know we really had not had a chance to talk at all about everything that had went on and about him stop calling. The only information I had was the information that he had left on my voicemail from the times I had missed his phone calls.

I was real cordial towards him. I didn’t get upset and yell at him. I thanked him for calling on my birthday and told him I was surprised that he remembered (damn shame my ex could not even call me on my birthday). We spoke a little bit. Yes, he and the girl he is staying with hooked up. (Uhhhhhh!!! Thats crazy. I knew it. I dont care what anyone says men and women cannot be just friends.) It just happened supposedly. He didn’t want to tell me about it because he did not want to be made to feel like a dog. He said he wishes  now that he could have been more patient with me. He knew that I would not be okay with continuing seeing him while he was living with this girl and having relations (my word) so he thought it would be easier to just stop calling. He says that he still cares about me and he is basically using this girl for a place to lay his head until he gets on his feet ( THAT I have a problem with ..if you can use her you can use me as well and I am not about to be used again by anyone.  I don’t use anyone and I dislike people that do it to other people.) You know my mind starts swirling and thinking the worst like he probably stopped calling because he found out that he could not use me so therefore he had no use for me. Damn shame. I mean he was good company.

BJ says he still wants to see me sometimes just to spend time with me and nothing else (yeah right).  I mean I am upset and then I am not upset. I am upset because I really liked  him and I felt good when I was around him. I met BJ when I just broke it off with my ex so I told him from the get go I wasn’t ready for anything serious and I told him to see other people even though he said he didn’t want to. Everything would probably be okay if he wasn’t staying with this girl. To me, thats what makes everything different. I mean you let ya’lls friendship lead into something more when you had sex so regardless of what type of relationship you guys claim ( because supposedly she told him to see other people too) thats a little too weird for me to be caught up in a love triangle or a sex triangle (or whutever). If he was seeing someone else that he told me he wasn’t just friends with and he wasn’t staying with her I think I would be okay with it. I don’t know.

I would love to remain friends with BJ but if I invite BJ over and we watch a movie or whatnot because of our history together…. other things would happen. I know me.

Another one bites the dust……

Chriss

Missed Again

 Saturday I spent some time with my niece for the first time in forever. I took her to Rodeo In The Park at Kelsey Seybold, The Children’s Museum, and the movies because she hadn’t seen Dreamgirls. We had fun While we were out I missed Bj call. Its funny because I was really looking forward to his call and I missed it again. The thing is I have Sprint and my cell rings when it wants to. I really hate Sprint service and a lot of people be thinking i be igging them but its not me its the phone. I actually had it out with a guy I was talking to a couple of months ago because he said my phone was ringing and I never would answer and he had called me several times. The thing is my phone never rang and he did not believe me.  I didn’t even know anyone had called until I went to use my phone it said no service, so I turn it off and turn it back on, and after I turn it back on then my phone starts going off like crazy from all the voicemails that was sent to me. Crazy.

But anyways, I missed Bj call and he sent me a message talking about I am ignoring him because I forwarded his call to my voicemail ( I didn’t ..it was the phone) and he guesses I don’t want to talk to him anymore and he apologizes deeply for what I am feeling. Yadda yadda Yaaa. I was waiting soo long for him to call me and when I missed his call I started thinking maybe that was for the best and maybe I should just let him go and move on.

In other news, I started talking back to Rich again. I dont know why and what for. It seems like when I get lonely I tend to fall back on him and he really ain’t no one to be falling back onto. He fools me everytime because he will start off talking to me like he got some sense and then he results back to being immature and pathetic. I love him soo much. I mean I figured out I spent close to 7 years with him and that means a quarter of my life was spent with. Thats a great deal! He concerns me because when I was talking to him he pointed out that he was thinking about just dropping in on me to see me. NO NO. I need to talk to him, because whether we cool or not you don’t just drop in on me at no point in time. I kinda feel sorry for him because he is going on 40 and has never been married . You would think he would look at that and be like what is up with me? I don’t think he knows what love is. He tells me that I never loved him. I mean Stevie Wonder could see that I did love that boy. I mean I loved him more that I loved myself. One day I shall learn.

Well He Ain’t Dead…Yet!

Well it worked. Bj called back yesterday but i missed his call. He left this long drawn out message on my voice mail. It was good to hear his voice and I was happy that he wasn’t in an alley dead somewhere but upset that he actually did stop calling but at least he did call with an explanation…somewhat. I am still lost.

His message:

How you doing? This Bj *uhhhh  long sigh “ahhhhh”* I guess you called me yesterday.  I havent called you because *another long sigh* then  he says “I dont know.” (Greaaaat!!!)

“I want to be with you and I told you that but you know our situation and everything and I dont know. It was just hard for me…… “(to what??..he did not even finish the sentence but he goes on to say..)

“I guess we still gone be friends or whatever. I dont know. (Greaaat!!)

“I dont know what you wanna say so I am just saying hey how you doing and I’ll call you later on to discuss whatever it is you want to discuss”

(Okay then he continues)

“But I been worried about you and thinking about you everyday. For real…but I don’t know cause I want somebody in my life because I’ve been lonely and I don’t know I guess you probably been lonely .I guess thats the reason why you called yesterday, but I thought it was just gonna be easier just to you know do it like I did it.”

“My feelings are real confused. I don’t think I could stop you know and just be friends or whatever. You know that I live with that girl and I know you probably don’t like that but I just want to be with somebody.” ( I am confused on this part. I mean is he trying to say him and his friend hooked up or whatever)

Men can cause sooo much pain sometimes.  But its whatever. I am just upset that he was just gonna stop calling and not tell me anything.

Alert The Police

Do I need to file a missing person report? I am still missing BJ. I got it bad. Embarrassingly I called the County Jail as well as the City Jail to see if the boy had gotten locked up or sumthin. I guess I just don’t want to believe that he would just stop calling me like that. That blows my mind. Woooooo….When I found out that he was not in either I then started thinking worse like maybe he’s in the hospital so I called the county hospital and when I found out that he wasn’t there I did a search online to find out how can I find out if a person was submitted to a morgue. Like maybe I need to go identify his body or what not. Yes. I . Did. think. that. Then I decided to chill. Face the facts he stopped calling, but could I blame him I told him to do that anyway *looking sheepish* I been telling him that we should stop seeing each other because I didn’t see the relationship going anywhere. I guess he finally listened and maybe its all for the best.

I wanted to call his friend soo bad to find out if she had heard from him but I know how females are when another female call their phone. I dont know her like that. So I called but then hung up before she answered . She called back and I then turned my phone off. I am sure she will tell him that I called and if he is still living he will call back and then I can curse him out .

Vanished

I haven’t heard from BJ since Wednesday. Its like the boy has vanished in thin air. I am worried about him. I just hope that he’s okay. He didn’t come to me as the type to just stop calling. Last I heard from him was on Wednesday night he said he was having a little difficult and he would call me on Thursday and he never called back. I thought about calling his friends to see what the deal was but I don’t really know them well enough like that and plus just because I said he doesn’t seem like the type to stop calling doesn’t mean he didnt. I don’t put anything past no man anymore, but I still don’t think that’s the case with him. He’s a very straight up guy and he always lets me know what the business is. I will put him my prayers wherever he might be. I miss him.

We Made Up

Me and my aunt that is ….NOT me and the ex!!!! LOL. I called her this week and she was like she hadn’t called because she erased the voicemail that I had sent her giving her my new number and she was waiting for me to call. I don’t believe that for one minute but I didnt tell her that. I knew her girlfriend had something to do with her not calling me but I let it go….for one yesterday she told me how her gf be trying to point out some things about our family to make her see that we don’t love her. She tells my aunt that she is the one always calling us and we don’t call her so I think she had my aunt waiting around to see if I was gonna call. I don’t like games or being played with but I still just let it go. I dont like her girlfriend because I dont like sometimey smile all up in yo face talk about you behind yo back folk and most of my family is like that which is why I stay to myself but I love my aunt to death. My aunt told me that her gf wanted to throw a superbowl party at my aunt house and invite all her co-workers and family but didn’t want my aunt to invite any of our family to her own house . What the fcuk is that?? I told my aunt the reason I don’t really want to chill with ya’ll is because I know she is like that and I don’t need her smiling all up in my face knowing she don’t like me. My aunt just said you gotta ignore her because she bi-polar and you should know how to deal with bipolar people since Rich was lol …whatever her girlfriend got my ex by about a million hands down.

In other news I still haven’t called Rich but he did leave me a message on my other phone, the one thats broke, saying “God led him to call me” and “God wanted me to see how you were doing” LOL..that dude has issues. He has soo much pride and for what?? That pride is what got in the way a lot of times because he always gotta be big and bad with me..if I am your girl you shouldn’t have to be like that with me ..be like that with them negros on the street but not your woman. Anyway I fear he is not going to get it together in time. He definitely IS gonna realize one day what he had and that this “sideline ho” don’t really love him like I did then its gonna be tooo late toooo late. When he is ready to be the man I want him to be I will have moved on by then because he is just not getting it. Its not all about him. I was your Queen.

I am really feeling Monica new cd The Makings Of Me

I Made The Decision

I spent this past weekend with BJ and I told him that I don’t think it was a good idea for us to see each other anymore until he finds employment. That was hard for me to do because I really like him and all and enjoy his company but I can’t go down this same road again. I gotta learn from my mistakes and I found myself not wanting to be around BJ because I felt like I was being stupid dumping one non-worker for another one. Haven’t I learned anything? At first, I was saying we could be friends because just getting out of a relationship I didnt want to jump into anything too serious anyway. I didnt see how I could deny friendship with someone just because they’re not working but I thought about it and thought yea I say we friends but he wants more and so do I . When we are together we don’t act as friends we act as if we are in a relationship so before I allowed it to go any further I cut it off until…..

I spoke to my landlord today and expressed my concerns about being able to stay another year and having to pay more. My lease isnt up until the end of February but I wanted to know if I should start looking for a new place or not. I haven’t saved up any moving expenses because I wasn’t planning on moving. She told me that she would just re-new my lease this month and have it expire next year so that way I dont have to worry about this new person and what their plans are. She was supposed to come by today with the new lease but I guess she couldn’t so she will probably come tomorrow..if not I will call her. As for my deposit, she stated I would get the deposit back from the new landlord. I was like they better not be taking nothing out of my deposit when I move because they dont even know the condition my place was in when I first moved in and it wasnt to great. Me and my ex fixed the place up ourselves because we liked it. We had to clean it and paint and put new bathroom tile down. But que sera sera.

I am starting to miss Rich (the ex) less. I just simply take my mind off of him and it helps that I changed my cell phone number. I kept my other line the same but I don’t use that line it goes straight to voicemail so if he really wanted to get in contact with me he could leave a message, but me changing my number seems to have stopped me from calling him. So I am proud of myself.

OOooooh You Got It Bad!!!!

You know its true when something or someone rather becomes unavailable to you all of a sudden it makes it look oh soo scrumptious and make u desire it more. Kinda like the kid with the toy he never plays with anymore until his cousin comes over and makes it his new favorite toy then all of a sudden the kid remembers how much he loves the toy that had previously gone forgotten.  I read The Rules of Dating…BE UNAVAILABLE. That rule works ladies. Use it to your advantage but don’t you hate when its used on you. Check this out I told BJ to start seeing other people because I was not ready for a serious relationship you know with me just getting out of a long term and all so he heed and hawed about not wanting to and I pushed him to do it because homeboy was getting serious too fast and was starting to sweat me. I mean he had it bad. I talked on the phone to him night and day. The phone became glued to my ear. I began neglecting household chores and eating from talking to him soo much. It was quite flattering how he expressed himself to me and all because i havent had many who has had it baaaad over me. His words to me were like poetry. So whatever, he starts having “friends” People he just hang with and even though I told him we not committed or tied down to one another he still says he is not fuccing them . Do I believe it? I honestly don’t know but I aint gonna lie my jealous side has showed and I have tried my best to keep it under wraps. BJ stays with relatives for the time being so he doesnt like to be home too much so he always goes to his partnas house to chill or tries to come see me but since I decided we had been spending too much time together he starts chilling with these “friends” all up at they house and thangs. Which is cool… I guess ..I mean he calls me from they house and everything and we still talk but I am soo freaking jealous its pathetic. I am starting to miss the little youngin. I am feeling neglected now that his calls don’t come as much as they used to and he aint sweating me anymore.

Today I told him lets just be friends. I mean JUST friends. No romantic conversations. No talks of relationships and *gasps* No sex. He called me out and said that was just my jealousy talking and that now that I told him to see other people and he does I am feeling jealous and I don’t mean what I am saying. Damn. I lie and say that is not it I really think that we should be friends for the time being and he asks ” Oh and then hook up back later?” I tell him yea if you havent found anyone else and I havent found anyone else by then. He goes “fucc you then” That made me mad so I told him off and hung up. I have been acting soo childish lately and I dont know what it is. I am confused by my feelings and don’t know what I want.

BJ calls me back and tells me that I am running from him.  Its not that I am running I am just not ready.

Getting Intimate With BJ

Soo much has gone on and I haven’t really had time to post and update. The one thing that sticks out is that me and BJ have gotten alot closer lately. He has spent the night with me a couple of times and no matter how I cried that I did not want to get serious with this guy and how much I wanted to take things slooowly we ended up fucking of course. Ahhh! yes I am such a whore I really really dont know how to act getting out of a 6 and half year monogamous (on my part anyway) relationship. Anyways all that talk and that little youngone backed it the hell up. Stamina like a motherfucca! Dick harder than a roll of quarters! I tried to keep up with the youngone but I aint gonna lie he got me.

I say about the 2nd time he came over it was onnnnn like a pot of neck bones. I unfortunately dont have a tv downstairs anymore due to the fact the 56 inch I was renting from Aarons a couple of months back went out on me and the tv before i had downstairs went upstairs into the second bedroom sooo ya know ….we wanted to watch a movie and uhhh well we had no choice but to go upstairs. We actually watched the first movie with no problems at all.. he didnt try nothing or anything. I was real surprised. He was real cool at first. I think it was actually my horny ass wondering why he wasnt trying anything and I got curious. So I started getting flirtatious and pointed out the fact that a sister was really proud of him for being such a gentleman. Ha Haaaa!!! Soo funny. One thing led to another and we started caressing, grinding, groping, moaning, kissing, touching, rubbing, licking, sucking, and then eventually that led to screwing, more moaning, groaning, YELLING, HOLLERING, Hee Hee Ahhhh Man just thinking about that pain makes me horny for real. Looking at his “member” I didnt think that it could do much damage but once he put it inside–it was not a joke. That sucka musta grew or something. LOL. I was very tight and it was a little uncomfortable at first maybe it was because it had been a long time for me but it aint been that damn long…a month and a half aint long for real. LOL… he just did not stop. I mean he’s like that little energizer bunny…just keeps going and going and going.

I mean me and my ex went a long time tooo but eventually that negro would get tired after awhile and go to sleep..not BJ. He put me to sleep and of course that left him feeling like he was the man. Finally we had to stop because the last time we had sex that night we got on the floor and we were having sex and I told him to stop because my knees were starting to get carpet burnt and plus my kittie was getting dry from the condom. We forgot the lubricant and obviously the knee pads. Plus I never use lubricant anyway because I never had to. I make my own. I am still kinda confused on my feelings about him. The conversation is good and so is the sex, but there’s just something that is missing. He doesnt make me feel all giddy ..Bingo..yea I dont have that giddy feeling when I am around him like in new relationships or crushes. We are straight comfortable with each other . Which is good? Dude is now passing gas around me now. Double Eww! That giddy feeling is overrated ..I think? Once it wears off thats when some start getting bored and start to search for something else. I dont know but I am just chilling for the time being and am going to watch and see where it goes.

The New Guy

I met someone…..His name is BJ and I like him a lot. I have been knowing him for 10 days and he has been occupying alot of my time and thoughts. Personality wise he is everything that I am NOW looking for in a guy..kind, considerate, great sense of humour, has dreams, respectful and more. Plus he likes me alot . I mean alot alot …way more than I like him. I now say thats the only way a relationship would work for me now ..the guy has to be more into me than I am into him because normally I am the one putting in all the work in a relationship but here’s a guy that is sweating me and is willing to do anything and everything to make me happy and I am not used to that. Its usually the other way around.

I am not interested in getting into another relationship right now so I told him that we are going to be friends but he wants more and everytime I say the “friend” word he starts ranting and raving. Even if nothing happens between us I feel like I have found a best friend in him. Its about 5 things that are keeping me from letting it go to that other level.

1. He is only 23. ( I have never talked to anyone near my age before. I am only attracted to older guys. My ex was 30 when I met him and is now 37. I can’t explain it but I see his age the same as being weak. He is not immature but he doesnt have that sureity yet that I like in older guys. Also it could be the fact that he is not a roughneck, the type I usually go for, why I am sniffing weakness somewhere. )

2. I am not ready to jump into another relationship right now. ( I am soo loving being single right now, never thought I’d say that, and am not ready to give that up. I am enjoying being with myself!!)

3. Location (currently he lives on the SE side of town but is considering a move to Daton which is 2 hours away so I won’t be seeing him that much if he does.)

4. Not independent ( He is not where I would like him to be in his life right now. I have my own place, vehicle, and don’t have to rely on anyone for anything and he doesn’t live alone and has no vehicle similar to how my ex was when I fist met him so I prefer someone that is independent and has as much if not more than what I got because I tend to like to take care of my man but in turn I also want to be taken care of -even though I can take care of self. )

5. He used to be a bit of a hoe. He is a reformed hoe, I guess, but he is very open and honest about his past which most people are not.

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

6. He has 2 kids by 2 different women. (everybody gots kids these days EXCEPT ME for real -for real so its kinda hard to find someone that doesnt have any children. My ex didnt have any and I had always thought we would have our first child together didnt work out that way, but I am still wanting someone where we could share that experience with each other and each other only…no outside baby mamas.)

So I am just chilling. He is adorable, sweet, not the type I usually go for and I am loving that but I am still exploring other options. I hope that we are able to remain friends but if I decide not to go to that other level with him and he keeps pushing the issue. I might have to……….. let him go.

The Thrill Is Gone,Baby

Is it? Hell to the naw. It ain’t gonna ever go away . I love me some him. But I remember once upon a time ago I was sooo into RM that you could not get me to look at another guy no matter how fine he was and any guy that tried to holla at me I would wrinkle my nose up so fast and tell him “I am married!” without even a promise of friendship on my finger. And of course the infamous “Are you happy?” …….”Yessir!” Even when RM would get on my last nerve I was happy and would do anything for him. I don’t know why but for a long period of time other guys stopped being attractive to me and I was blind to them. Sounds strange but I just stop noticing them . But………..

Now my head is a turning. Does it mean I am falling out of love? Does it mean that I don’t love RM the way that I used to? I never cheated on RM and don’t plan too. Thats just not my style. One guy is hard enough to manage. But yesterday, when I got off work, I got my head turned ya’ll… and by one of the finest human beings known to mankind . Naw he wasn’t ALL THAT but he was enough to get my attention. Thats for sure. He had me feeling giddy inside everytime them pretty gray eyes landed on me. This guy works in my building and I first noticed him on the way walking out the building after work . He held the door open as we were leaving (who said chivalry was dead?) and he walked most of the way with me to my stop. Now you know I walk slow as molassess however his pace of walk matched mine perfectly and he did not walk ahead nor did he fall behind. I thought this was strange that he was walking with me, so close to me, and I didn’t know him. Finally he marched ahead only to be met by me again at my stop. I thought I felt his eyes on me however every time I would look at him he would quickly turn away. He went a different route (the 25…) and as he got on his bus and made to his seat , he looked at me with those big beautiful gray eyes and long eyelashes and waved at me and smiled with a wink…hehehe. Alright there now…but why wait til ya get on the bus to speak?

I mean the guy wasnt even my type. I like the Morris Chestnut, R.Kelly, DMX, and Jaheims. This guy was a Genuwine pretty boy for sure with a cute butt. He was stocky. Everybody knows that I like ‘em short and thin. My man is only a buck-fifty. But this mystery guy turned my head. I even found myself looking for him today and was upset that I didn’t see him and I was looking all cute and thangs tooo. I LOVE RM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But was does this mean? Stay far far away from Mr. Genuwine.

Are All Men Really Dogs?

Whats done in the dark will surely come to light…..

I really dont know what to say, because what I thought was not possible was very possible. Daddy say dont put all your trust in one man and thats exactly what I did. Thought I had the perfect man and I didnt. Thought he could do no wrong and he did. Never would I have thought he would betray me and after 6 years decided to prove me wrong.

I THOUGHT I HAD MY THANG ON A STRANG….but I didnt.

Surprisingly I dont feel as heartbroken as I should which leaves me wondering if its really love or just pretending . Going thru the motions, got comfortable. Dont we all. Feel more so as though I am losing my bestfriend than the love of my life. What I stated I would never put up with found myself wanting to put up with. I have always stated you will never know how you are going to act in a situation until it happens to you.

Is he sorry? I dont believe his is.

Do I really wanna put up with the drama of wondering, not knowing, not trusting? I dont think I do.

Lies.Lies.Lies. And More Lies. Is all that I am getting. So I stopped asking questions.

Unhappiness with yourself but you think its me.

Stated last night , For the first time I can see how people get strung on crack. Its like you soo low and want to be lower.
Looked as if he wanted to kill me after I stated that, but thats how I felt.

I already have an addict mentality which I am sure I got from my father. I am like my father more ways than I care to admit. I love my father to death but he is weak. Not strong like my mother. I wish I was more like her. Is it possible to inherit an addict mentality? Thats a good question.

God give me strength to get me thru…Until Next Time…

Chrissy