Archive for March, 2008

25
Mar
08

Where My Girls At?

From the front to side I hope you feeling that. With one hand back ……dun dun dun the dun???? ….oh well forgot the rest of the words to that song.

I don’t know where your girls at, but to answer that question I don’t have any. Yea Chrissy don’t have no friends….po’ me. I don’t know why I have always had a problem keeping friends. What is wrong with me??? I do know why I probably have a hard time finding them. 1. I am not the life of the party…..no that is not me. I am a downer not a upper. So I guess I am not too fun to be around. People are always asking me why I look mean? So I guess I am not really approachable either. Hell I have lived a depressed life…losing all of your immediate family will get anyone down. But even before the lost I was just a depressed kid. I inherited my dad grouchy look and I guess in a way I foresaw what was to happen in my future so I was already fucking depressed about it lol. 2. I don’t open up too easily. I am not really one to go around sharing my business to any and everyone. I am a private person. It takes awhile to get me to open up to people. That coupled with my mean mugging, pissed off look, have gotten me called stuck up bitch many a times without people even taking the time to get to know me . Oh well. But again why can’t I keep them? I can probably count on 1 hand how many close friends I have had in this lifetime and most of them was before the age of 11.

In elementary school, I was quiet and shy, but I was a pjkid (project kid) from birth to 11(when moms died I moved to the suburbs with my uncle) so everyone knew that and everyone in the hood knew me because there are some nosey people in the hood. You can’t live in the hood and not be known. People all knocking on your door asking for sugar and eggs- asking my mama can I come out to play? Hell just gonna force me to come out and play with you, right? Most of the time I didn’t even like to go outside which is how I probably managed to stay yellow until I hit my teenage years and then I turned into a sweet honey. Now when people see me that haven’t seen me in awhile they act all amazed like “dang you used to be soo yella” ( you know black folks hung up on color) “when you get darker?” You know they love that shit. Hating on a color? What Kat Williams say “nigga you gangbangin on bacon” lol . I am goofy in case you didn’t know. Yea but my ass knew how to stay out of that sun lol. So yea I was shy, high yella, chubby, cute chick in class. I wasn’t the most popular kid in the school…no that was the twins..but I was in that group. Thats always been me…never the most popular one but always in the popular click..just tagging along.

So it was about 4 of them that I hung with. We never hung out all together at once, because everyone liked me but no one really liked the other person all.of.the.time. Always falling out about something. So people always came and hung out with me because I didn’t get into it with anyone. I had no reason to. They always loved to come to my house for some reason. My mom was the nicest person on this Earth. Everyone that met her all have that to say about her and I guess their moms wasn’t having us bad azzes in their house. We really were good kids tho. There was me and my bestfriend Kiarr.a(spelling has been changed to protect little miss innocent). Wherever I went Kiarr.a was not far behind. My whole family knew her. She was there for all our get togethers. If I was ever without her they was asking about her. She spent the night over to my house on the weekends. I knew her from like the age of 5 or less. We was tight. Kiarr.a was a short, skinny, dark-skinned cutie who sucked her t.h.u.m.b. She was talkative, a little fast (way faster tha I was), thought she was the shit, and clung to me like glue.

The problem was no one really like Kiarr.a except me. None of my other friends would ever come around if she was with me. They say she started too much mess and would ask me why I hung around her in the first place. I don’t think she was one of the original pjkids either. See we all went to the same headstart which was in our complex and I don’t think she went there with us. She moved in the complex when she was about 5 I am thinking and see Kiarr.a had a lying problem as well. She was one of those people that would just make up shit. I guess to try to be liked but it just made people hate her. She would just say stuff to keep the conversation going and to make herself sound interesting. It’s funny as much as I hate liars now I just learned to ignore her. I just accepted her for who she was. One time this girl knocked on our door and asked us for a roll of toilet paper. We gave it to her. Why her aunt come knocking on the door not even 5 minutes later to return it to say they didn’t need it? What was that about? I guess she just wanted something to do.

But her lying-ness didn’t really affect me (her bff) until I was in 5th grade which was actually around the last time we would be seeing each other. My mother died in the summer of my fifth grade year. So maybe in essence she foresaw the future and knew we wouldn’t be really close anymore anyway so why not start mess about Chriss? What happened was she started going around spreading these lies about me being gay and me feeling on her booty when she slept over to my house. I mean the gall of this girl. I mean yea I felt on her booty but she felt on mine too (she conveniently left that part out lol). Tried to make it seem like I was this horny little kid that wanted her and she was all miss innocent on this. When we was around that age we all experimented on each other. Hide n Go Get It anyone? I never played that game. I promise. I was too shy to let the boys get me alone and hunch me. Terrifying!! LOL, I went home when they played it. I was scared of boys for a long time. I was boy crazy as hell but too shy to be around them. I used to hide from them. I was a scary little kid. Hell I was too scared of someone catchin me in the regular Hide n Seek game. Say “Boo” and i would jump. Matter of fact everyone used to do that to me “Boo!!” lol cuz I was scary. Of what, I don’t know. Back to the story but yea thats what most kids do when they developed hormones…..feel on each other. Its funny because I WAS the innocent one, them horny kids would always be like let’s try this or let’s try that and I would be lik “ok”. Thats me always going along. So that tramp hurt my feelings and I stopped speaking to her behind it.

I was a very forgiving kid, but I was not willing to forgive her for embarrassing the hell out of me in public. Hell I was already shy and here she go got people coming up to me asking me questions and stuff. Putting me on blast and stuff. We was sooooo close I let this little tramp read my diary ya’ll. Yea private me and its not enough that she told people that I felt on her nooo she had to go spill the contents of my diary to the whole school. Everyone knew who my crushes was (the horror), who I secretly didn’t like (so Christina you don’t like me now?) . I mean it was just ONE BIG MESS started by one small little person that I wanted to strangle. She lucky I am not a fighter I would have kicked her tail. No,I just stayed the hell away from her.

It’s funny during all this mess she was starting, she was trying to act all like little miss innocent. Still knocking on my door, smiling in my face, asking can she spend the night (for what so I can feel on your booty some more) so she made me confront her about it and she denied it. How can you deny that? It was really nothing to deny. You the only one that read my diary. She tried to say some other girl in the project complex next to us I barely spoke to spread the rumors on me being gay so me and another friend of mine went over there to confront this girl that had nothing to do with it. I was all trying to give miss innocent the benefit of the doubt here even tho it didn’t make no sense. The other girl simply just confirmed to us what Kiarra had told them. I can just picture them all sitting around not having a thing to talk about and her starting to yack about me. What did I ever do to you?

So when our mothers learned we wasn’t speaking they wasn’t having it. Kiarr.a mother carried herself over to my house with Kiarr.a and gave us this speech on how we been friends forever and we gonna grow old together and I really don’t remember but they  made us hug and make up and when this tramp left out of my house she left saying “she still gay.”It’s all funny now but back then no..not soo funny.

So we had stopped talking, my mom died, and I moved across town to the boondocks. The last time I saw her was at my mom funeral. I tried to keep in contact with her but we just lost contact. The last time I spoke to Kiarr.a was a few years back she looked me up and called me. I got home one day from work and saw her younger brother name on the caller id and it brought a smile to my face. I was like what tha hell? So I called her back and we ended up talking for a long time reminiscing. She brought up the question ” You remember when we used to get booty?” and started laughing. I like that. I love people that are real. Anybody else just try to pretend they didn’t do stuff like that but not Kiarr.a. I didn’t get a chance to ask her about why she had started all that mess between us. We kept in contact for a couple of months. She has a son. She’s was really out of my league with the stuff she was talking about so she did most of the talking and I would just listen when she called. She mostly talked about messing with old dudes and getting their money. I couldn’t relate. I lost my cell phone and got a new one soo we lost contact. I would like to get back in contact with her tho.

Well damn. I guess since she was my very first bestfriend she deserved her own post. I’ll make a part II post laters.

Advertisements
24
Mar
08

Happy Easter!

Well I am hoping everyone had a great Easter holiday. Me and BJ got out and went to Dave n Buster’s. We desperately needed to get out and just get away from it all to clear our heads and play games and get back to enjoying each other. Now having said that, before I get to what happened at Dave n Busters, I am going to tell you that me n BJ haven’t been getting along soo well lately *gasp* . Yes, this is true. This perfect relationship – perfect communication- my knight in shining armour-man out of romance novel-man I put on a pedestal- oh I finally found a man that “gets me”- oh he is soo patient with me-oh he makes me want to become a betta person- yea him well he is just regular ole BJ now.

Now please don’t get me wrong he is still a great guy, but in case you didn’t know , I am going to tell you –“I am kind of a big deal” ( I want that shirt lol). Yea, I am a lot to handle and I can tell he is slowly running out of patience with me. Props to him for lasting soo long. My ex lasted almost 7 years but I had met my match in him so we just learned how to put up with each other shit for far too long. Men fall in love with me quickly because I got it going on *toot toot* I am pretty, I am a big girl but I wear it well, I keep myself up (meaning like hair, makeup, and clothes not exercise-wise lol), I have a nice smile, I am kindhearted, I am laid-back (as long as things are going my way), I am a great cook, I am independent chick, I got my own house, keeps it clean, ok job, no kids, know how to cater to my man, know how to stroke an ego, oh my wonderful qualities are endless.

Now as the relationship progresses, than thats when they began to see my bad qualities. Not that I was hiding those bad qualities or anything. Hell its hard for me to hide them. Them other people (in my head) just come out on their own. I try soo hard to fight it but I am an emotional person so I just react..I mean overreact lol. Gotta laugh at yourself right? I am soo honest to where I am sometimes too blunt. I told BJ from the jump how I was. He told me that I could not be any worse than what his ex was. I said “O.K.” .Altho Easter Sunday he ended up telling me I was acting like his ex *sighs*. And yes I am honest with myself I can point out my bad qualities to you. I am stubborn, I can be selfish because I like to have my way but only about some things–it’s complicated because I like to let him have his way too because I am a people pleaser. I don’t know I guess only when I want my way thats when it become a problem. I am spoiled but this kinda cancels itself out because I like to spoil him too, I am an attention grabber (unlike other spoiled folks I don’t want your attention I just want the attention of the ones that I love), I overreact, I over analyze things, I am critical, I haven’t mastered the art of “letting stuff go”, I bring shit back up, I fight over small shit that pisses me off, oh my bad qualities are endless. So while he may wanna leave its hard because he knows that I am a really good person and frankly when its good its good but when its not good well it can get real ugly.

Seriously now I can’t change myself completely and I wouldn’t want to but I am trying to work on the OVERREACTING and the LETTING SMALL STUFF GO. I think if I work those 2 out we’ll be fine. It’s gonna be hard. BJ is not innocent. He needs to work on the ALWAYS WANTING TO BE RIGHT and GOING BACK TO BEING PATIENT WITH ME (ya know before I wore his patient button out) and BEING ATTENTIVE TO ME WHILE HE IS AT WORK (now this is where he says I am demanding but hell he works all day he needs to text me more) and SEXXING ME MORE (he be “tired”)

It’s funny after writing all of that I don’t even feel like writing about what happened at Dave n Busters lol.

We got to Dave n Busters (my treat). We ate, had a drank, and then thats pretty much where the fun stopped. Bj was gonna go to the restroom before we started in on the games so I was waiting for him and then I decided I wanted to go to the restroom while he was already in the restroom. When I got out, I expected him to be waiting on me but he wasn’t he was already playing. So I just was like ok whatever I played some games and then I went over to him and we had some words and then he walked out and went to the truck and I went to the truck and we argued some more and then he took off and I tried to jump out of the truck while it was moving and he drove faster (punk) but he had to come to a light so I jumped out of the truck and took off walking. Never a dull moment. He had to keep driving because he was on the feeder and ended up parking somewhere and walking over to where he left me. We argued some more about nothing. I walked away and ended up stepping one of sandled feet into a hole in the ground that pulled off my shoe and broke off a chunk of skin on my foot that started bleeding (I know that punk was thinking thats what she get for acting like a b.i.t.c.h.). Bj tried to hand me my shoe to put back on and I told him to leave my shoe alone and he looked at the shoe and said “this is my shoe girl” (oh yea thats right it was). So then I took off the other one and refused to put back on “his shoes” even tho he insisted. So finally he convinced me to get back into the truck. Really I was just upset that I fucked up the day. We wasted money and we tried to let our problems go and enjoy ourselves but couldn’t. I felt like an even bigger ass when he was telling me he had got soo caught up playing this jackpot game, which is how he ran out of money soo fast, that gives you a lot of tickets so he could have gotten something nice for me with the tickets. AWWWW. He was like if he was playing for himself he would have just been playing arcade games.

And that was our Easter. We almost broke up on Easter. He started talking some crap about he tired of everyday same thing ……arguing. At first, I was being all hard like ok yea lets do this and then I was like no, I don’t want to end it let’s work it out. I told him that I will try to change. He said you’re just saying that. I was thinking yea I probably am. On the way home he kept asking me “so what are you gonna do when you get home?” I am like huh? I was not understanding until he asked me was I gonna let him get his stuff. I was like duh why didn’t you just ask THAT question instead of “so what are you gonna do when you get home?” That didn’t make sense. I said sure y not? I guess he thought I was gonna act a fool and not let him get his things. No. I got out of the truck and went in the house and after about 20 minutes I didn’t hear him come in the house so I go back outside and he is standing by the truck pacing. I am like whats going on he is like I am just trying to get my mind right. Sooo I let him “get his mind right” and went back in the house.

We didn’t break up that night, but I don’t know, I know he is fed up with the arguing and so am I. He is stressed out about work, 50 zillion thousand tickets he has to pay, he ain’t got no money and I am just compounding on to that.

I will try to be more understanding.

22
Mar
08

Beyonce Photos

It has been awhile since I have posted some pictures of our girl Beyonce hasn’t it?

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

Even tho I love love love Beyonce I am not feeling this blonde contraption she has on her head. She just goes blonder and blonder and blonder. I soo want her to do something different with her hair one day like cut it, braid it, corn row it, bob it, sumthin. I do love her makeup tho. It looks like mine haha.

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

Her outfit is cute and soo is her bag!!!!

22
Mar
08

Top Ten Celebrity Crushes

I always wanted to do one of these post. Funny thing is I don’t really have any new celebrity crushes at the moment. Ha Ha. There is like NO ONE that I can think of that I have just been fawning over in a long long while to where I am like “He can get it!!” All my crushes are from back in the day. It’s too many bitch made (i’mma say the nice word) negroes in this world for me at the moment.

But over the years, since I was in lets say….. elementary, I have had quite a few crushes. This list may surprise you, because it’s quite a few white guys on here who are rather old now but still looking good I hafta say. In real life, I probably wouldn’t give a white guy the time of day (sry just my preference). I mean I have just never been attracted to an everyday normal white guy….EVER. I love my brothers….BLACK POWER <*insert fist here*lol>But I also never say never…oops I just said it hunh lol. But yea I am also in love with older guys ( I am 26 and and my ex is 39 ..starting dating him when I was 18) and I always hated younger guys and guys my age and here I am dating BJ who is a year and a couple of months younger. Better believe that little one year was a HUGE issue for me back when he was chasing me too. Also I’m a big girl, but I don’t really like the big guys, but damn if I ain’t never came across some big guys that could have easily locked my azz down. I mean a preference is just that ….a preference. But here goes, in no particular order:

1. Michael Jackson

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us
OMG! Wha? Who’s bad. I loved’ed me some Michael when I was a young girl. I love to watch him perform. It was magical. Dats really sums it up “Michael is Majic” Just forgetting all the other stuff that has tarnished his reputation for a moment…ain’t no otha like this mutha….. I used to be terribly shy and quiet when I was younger. Still quiet not soo much shy these days. But when my parents would have their get togethers, they would put on MJ to get me to dance. The ole folks loved to see us youngin’s get down and put on a show and I just could not pass up an opportunity to thrill when they put on Mike!

2. Patrick Swayze

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

OMG! Would you just look at him?…LOOK AT HIM…I SAID!! Let’s get a moment of silence for his sexy azz!! My momma definitely had something to do with me falling in love with him at what 8 or 9 because me and her wore out Roadhouse( ummm did you catch the azz shot in that movie) and Ghost. I am not a person that watches movies over and over again but I can never pass up a Patrick movie when it’s on. Officer And a GentlemanDirty Dancing…..damn it you just kno he knows what he’s doing by the way he was moving them hips in that movie. Plus he’s a good ‘ole Texas boi. Houston at that. Yea we breed ’em good down hurr!!

I really hope he gets thru this Pancreatic Cancer thang. Same cancer my father had. I am rooting for you baby!!

3. Richard Gere

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

Pretty Woman walking down the street. Pretty woman..the kind I like to meet. Yea Pretty Woman is the movie and Richard Gere is tha man. My mom I am sure has something to do with this crush too because she liked Richard. Just Pure Sexiness that gets better with time. That man still looks good!

4. Matthew Mcconaughey

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us
What ya kno ’bout dem Texas Boi’s? I love that little twinkle in his eyes.

5. Sean Connery

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us
OMG! Yea I kno he is pushing 80, but Sean Connery is the shiit. I fell in love with him I don’t know when…maybe The Rock. I love that quiet confidence, arrogance, and take control attitude. He just commands your attention. MissChriss would give ole Sean a heart attack. I would put it on him. I understand he maybe have some dingaling issues right about now but  I would get him right on back together. (Last white boi I promise)

6. Morris Chestnut

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us
Getting my black card back. I don’t care lol. I don’t know 1 Black woman in her right mind that don’t love this smooth chocolate brother. Fell in love with him from Boyz In The Hood and it was a rap from there. Where are you now?????

7. R. Kelly

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us
This was my boi back in the day before he did what he did that he say he did not do. You know what I’m talking about. Still love all his music but he’s just an ill person to me now.

8. Jodeci (betcha can’t guess which one)


Yes K-Ci *covering face* whatever I know for a fact I wasn’t the only one in love with ugmo. Just goes to show looks aint everythang…charisma, attitude, and all that other good stuff can get you far. Not only was I in love with everything K-Ci but the whole group and K-Ci girlfriend Mary J …thought she was soo fly. Crack is whack!! Boys bring it back!!

9. Wanye Morrison

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us
Yes Boyz II Men was the group but Wanya Morris was my man and couldn’t nobody tell me differently. The first concert I ever went to was a Boyz II Men Concert. It was just something about him and his voice and his prescence as if he was putting his whole heart and soul into every word!

10. Gerald Levert R.I.P.

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us
Oh remember the big guy that I said can get it . Yea he definitely one of them. I love you big guy!!

***********************************************************

Now these young cats today I am not really feeling. I had a short “thing” for T.I. -Chris Brown-Lil Wayne-Tyrese and othas but they just don’t do it for me half as much as these otha guys once did and still do. There are others I could add to the 10 but I’mma stick with dat. Ok.

09
Mar
08

My daddy (my first love)

I have been meaning to write this post for awhile now. I had been putting it off and putting it off. I am gonna try to make it short and sweet because I don’t like to dwell on this. It hurts too much still.

What made me write this post today is I had clicked on this yahoo video link that said father and daughters dance too close…..It turned out to be about a father and daughter dance competition. It looked a lot like the dancing they do in Dancing With The Stars and yes they were dancing too close LOL but after that video went off a video about Patrick Swayze having pancreatic cancer came on and I nearly cried. I love love love Patrick Swayze. Its funny because yesterday I wanted to write a post about all of my celebrity crushes and post pictures and yes Patrick was going to be on that list. I could not write that post yet because I wanted to get this one out the way. The reason why the Patrick Swayze video made me wanna write this post is my father passed away from Pancreatic/Liver Cancer this past September.

In July, I found out my father was in the hospital. He called me one day from LBJ hospital while I was working, and told me he had been in the hospital all week. I asked him why he hadn’t called me sooner. My guess is he didn’t wanna worry me. He said the guy in the room with him, a patient, had nudged him to call. I was like you should have wanted to call me. He had been diagnosed with high blood pressure. He was having some trouble breathing which is what forced him to go to the doctor and get a check up. They ended up sending him home and putting him on medication to stabilize it. I thought it was not a big deal really. Truth is the majority of my family has high blood pressure and is taking medication to control it, so I sadly was not that concerned. Hell I am 26 and found out year before at the health fare at my job that I am “borderline” and need to keep getting myself checked.

While my father was in the hospital in July, I did manage to go take the very long bus ride to see him however (we live on opposite sides of the city and I had no transportation at the time) before he got released. It really surprised me on how much weight he had lost from the last time I had seen him. My father has always been a small man so he really did not need to be losing more weight. But this was not the first time I had noticed my father had lost weight. He had been slowly dropping weight I guess for a year before he passed. Each time he came out to see me at my home, I would comment to him “Dad, you are losing weight…… Are you eating anything?” and he would say “Yea Chris I been eating” and I would always see the worry around his eyes when I would comment about it but I would just ignore it. I thought he was out partying and drinking and not taking the time to eat which he probably was and I would worry but try to put it out of my mind. And if he was sick, I knew my dad was not going to no doctor. My hate of doctors, from my dad I did receive. Every time I would see my dad he’d say to me “Chris, make sure you take care of yourself girl. We all each other got now. Your mom and your brother not here now. If you sick, go to the doctor.” And I would say right back ” I am . You too, Dad. Take care of yourself too” Too bad he didn’t listen to his own advice and too bad I didn’t nudge him more!! I beat myself up now that my father is gone that I didn’t do more. Yes, he is stubborn, I got that from him too, and probably would not have listened anyway but at least I could have insisted he go get a check up or something and maybe they would have saw it…..

I beat myself up over all my family deaths. My mom died of a heart condition. She was overweight so I beat myself up for awhile for not getting on her to eat more healthy and exercise. Never mind I was only 11 at the time she died, slightly overweight myself, and knew nothing about exercise or eating healthy at that time anyway. My older brother died 10 years after she did from a blood clot that traveled to his lung and I beat myself up about that like I should have been closer with him and maybe I would have seen something to know he was sick so that I could have told him to go to the doctor. My aunt had the nerve to blame me in a way to for my brother death because she asked me for his number one time and I wouldn’t give it to her without asking him first because they were not that close anymore. So when he did die she made a comment like me not giving her his number had something to do with his death. My family…My family.

Back to my father…… so of course the weight lost was a sign of his cancer which no telling how long he did have that. In the Patrick Swayze video, a doctor said pancreatic cancer has a 99% mortality rate. My father’s doctor told me that as well. They don’t really know where my father cancer started, but just from how fast it killed him they believe it may have started in his liver or his pancreas, because its very hard to detect, and by the time it is detected its too late because it moves soo fast. It made me feel better to know that most people miss it so I wasn’t the only one to not notice anything but I DID notice something. I noticed the weight lost and if only I had been just a little more vocal I could have spoke up and told him to go see a doctor.

Well I am surprised I am still beating myself up about it. After my father found out about his high blood pressure, I would talk to him on the phone from time to time and he seemed ok. He just seemed to be worried about eating the right foods. I would tell him to basically stay away from pork, salt , and fried foods. He was extremely worried about this and it hurt my heart that I couldn’t do more for him. *Sighs*

In September, I get a call from my father and he tells me that he wants to see me. I am worried I am like why. He sounds horrible on the phone by the way and I can barely understand what he is saying. He couldn’t really tell me what was going on and the people he was staying with could not either. I was working and could not get a day off and had no transportation. Having no transportation is a real bitch in Houston, by the way, if you ever move here. Houston is too big and spaced out to not have transportation. Anyway I spent about a good week worrying and crying to Bryant before I finally was able to call in sick. Bryant (he was wonderful thru all of this) gave me the money to rent a car that same day, I went by Walmart to get my dad a portable cd player he had been asking me for and I was going to take him the Johnny Taylor cds I had made him for his birthday that I never got a chance to get to him.

When I got to his house, he stay with his brother. I walked in and I sat down in the living room. My dad’s brother girlfriend was sitting in the living room and told me that my dad’s two sisters were in his bedroom giving him a bath. That was the first sign that something was off. I was thinking why can’t my father bathe himself? Is he really that sick? I had no idea and alot of questions. I asked the older woman how is he? How is my father? He doing ok? She said naw, I am not going to say that. I am not going to lie to you like that baby girl. Second sign, and I felt my stomach doing somersaults. When I called earlier in the week, I had a chance to speak to one of my father’s nieces that was over visiting and she had told me that he was ok. He was doing good. So that reassured me some but now it looks like things were not good at all.

Finally the door to my dad’s bedroom opened and out my aunts came. I hugged them and went in to see my father. He was nothing but bones. So small and I just wanted to cry. He spoke soo softly that I could barely hear him. I pulled up a chair next to his bed and just held his hand and rubbed his head. He reminded me of a sick little boy I just wanted to hold him. My Aunt came in there and sat down with me and she asked me is there anything that you wanna know? You feel like we have been hiding things from you? I said I just want to know whats going on with my dad. I noticed that his stomach was blowed up and I asked her about it and she said its cancer. My heart dropped. My dad just looked at me with those big puppy dog eyes that looked like mine and I felt soo sorry for him and sorry for myself. My aunt was like we’ll talk before you leave and left out to the room for me to be alone with my dad. I got closer on him and kissed him on the lips and lay down next to him and cried like a baby. He said ” I just gotta get better Chris. We all each other got” .

Before I left I sat in the living room with my Aunt and they told me that he has cancer. One day his feet and his stomach blew up big, they took him to the doctor to get a biopsy and it came back that he had cancer. It had spread and they didn’t tell my father this. They felt he didn’t need to know because he was already worrying soo much.

Not even a week after I seen my father, I got another call from the hospital that my dad had been admitted and it didn’t look good. They wanted to know how soon I could get down there, because his doctor really needed to speak to me. I felt sick. I called my Aunt (the one I had previously fell out with) and told her what was going on. I really needed to talk to someone. I still had the rental car so I flew down the freeway doing 80-90. When I got to the hospital, 3 of my dad sisters were there and his niece. The doctor was asking me all this questions about if my dad was to go into cardiac arrest should they resusitate. They told me how fragile his bones was and that it might lead to them breaking bones if I wanted them to do chest compressions. They tried to lead me to make the right decision which was to let him die because there was nothing they could do for him. They wanted to “make him comfortable” which consisted on giving him medicine for the pain and letting him go. I was in denial and all this did not sound good to me. I wanted him to live. They finally let me see my father before he was taking up to his room and he had an oxygen mask on and was really weak. Oh how I hated to see him like that. My father’s stay there was about a week long before he passed. I took off work for the whole time he was in he hospital. One thing I can say is he was surrounded in love. I was up there everyday from 10 to about 8 or 9 and so was his sisters and nieces. He was never alone except when we left for the night. We had the option to stay the night with him, but I could not bare it. Before he became doped up with morpheine I knew he was aware that I was there. One day I came to visit him and his family was all in the room, I walked in and my father sat straight up and said “Hey, Chris!” and then he layed backed down and didn’t say another word. Weird. I thought that must have took a lot out of him for him to  sit up and acknowledge me but I was glad that he did.

The day my father died. I walked in the room and only one of his sisters was there, she said she was going downstairs to smoke a cigarette. I sat down and noticed that my dad’s breathing was not sounding good. I knew it wouldn’t be long. I just sat there and held his hand and watched him and told him how much I love him. My dad took his last breath and I am happy to say that I was there with him. Just me and him. I love you daddy. You were the best daddy that you could be to me and you spoiled me rotten. I will never forget you…..

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us




This Site Has

  • 40,657 Footprints and is better viewed with Mozilla Firefox. Internet Explorer sucks.

Who I Is?

♥MissChriss♥ I'm just a crazy girl in love . I love being in love. I'm a 26 years old aquarian black female who resides in Houston, Texas. No kids...haven't made up my mind on that one yet however I pray that God will bless me to be able to give birth to healthy beautiful babies one day if I so shall. I love to write, read, cook, shop, fuck, and cater to my man : ) I am a great listener, very supportive, laid back, and loyal. I value honesty above all else. I always say the worst truth is better than the best lie. I am a forgiving person although I admit I forget nothing. I am a lazy procrastinator who gets defensive and wears her heart on her sleeve. I have trust issues. You'll find me blogging about my life, my love life, my work life, and my wants and fears. My goal is to be in school by 2009. What I want to do with my life changes day to day. One moment I want to teach , the next social work, nursing. I am still trying to find me. I am a work in progress. Soo....."Don't Trip, He Ain't Finished With Me Yet!"

Just Me

........AND THE BEST PART OF ALL IS HAVING A MAN THAT KNOWS IT AND LOVES YOU BACK FLAWS AND ALL.

Just Call Me B's Girl And I Wears That Hat Well

I Love Him

I Support Him

And BestFriend Him

a

March 2008
M T W T F S S
« Feb   May »
 12
3456789
10111213141516
17181920212223
24252627282930
31  

BLACK IS BEAUTIFUL

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

SUBSCRIBE



Subscribe in NewsGator Online
Subscribe via Newsburst from CNET News.com
Add to Google
Add to My AOL
Subscribe in FeedLounge
Add to netvibes
Subscribe in Bloglines

Add to Bitty Browser
Add to Plusmo
Subscribe via ODEO
Subscribe in podnova


My blog is worth $564.54.
How much is your blog worth?

BBW ART

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

BBW ART

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

Beyonce

Image Hosted by ImageShack.usBorn in Houston in the fall of 1981, Beyonce Giselle Knowles started performing at age seven. From dance classes to singing in the church choir, Beyonce was a natural. She and cousin Kelly Rowland met Latavia Roberson during this time, and the trio formed a group with Letoya Luckett. Mathew Knowles, Beyonce's father and Rowland's legal guardian, signed on to be the girls' manager. This situation would ultimately lead to the formation of one of the most popular female R&B groups of all time -- Destiny's Child. Destiny's Child made its debut 1990 and within ten years, the vocal act had experienced personal and political highs and lows that fueled the group's desire to make it big. Destiny's Child sold 33 million albums worldwide by 2002 and earned a slew of Grammys and additional music awards. "Jumpin' Jumpin'," "Bills, Bills, Bills," "Say My Name," and "Survivor" were smash hits, and the group appeared unstoppable. In 2001, Beyoncé, Rowland, and Michelle Williams allowed themselves a break from the singing group and tried their hands at individual solo careers. Before landing several movie roles, Beyoncé became the first African-American female artist and second woman ever to win the annual ASCAP Pop Songwriter of the Year Award. An appearance in the MTV drama Carmen: A Hip Hopera quickly followed, but it was her role as Foxxy Cleopatra in Austin Powers in Goldmember in 2002 that eventually moved Beyoncé from the stage to the screen. Her first single, "Work It Out," coincided with the release of the Mike Myers comedy and cemented her celebrity status. A guest spot on Jay-Z's "'03 Bonnie & Clyde" was equally popular when it appeared in October. In 2003, she rejoined Jay-Z for her proper debut single, the funkadelic "Crazy in Love," as the press and fans christened her a bona fide star. Beyoncé's debut album, Dangerously in Love, which appeared in June 2003, featured collaborations with Sean Paul, Missy Elliott, and OutKast's Big Boi. The multi-platinum album spawned a total of four Top Ten singles. Nearly two years after another Destiny's Child album (Destiny Fulfilled), Beyoncé released her second album, B'day. ~ MacKenzie Wilson, All Music Guide... website statistics