Won’t b Happy Til I Push Everyone Away

Baby I don’t know what to do right now? I feel soo lost without you here. All I can do is sit here in the dark and concentrate on the fact that you are not here with me. I hate myself right now. I hate myself for hurting and pushing away the one good thing in my life right now. All because of something stupid. I let that mess up everything that we built and have together. I feel soo foolish for allowing my anger to get in the way of our happiness. I wish that I could bottle up what I feel right now so just to sniff that bottle will remind me of what it felt like you not being here. Your truly a good man. And I sometimes take for granted how good you are to me. How stupid for me to allow this to come in between us. Baby I want you back here. Watchin our shows. Eating our salad. Laughin and Talkin. Drinking our mixed drinks. I know that I will never find someone who takes care of my emotional as you do. I pray to God he send you back to me right now!! I hear your beats outside? Do I hear you coming back to me? Had God answered me?? No. I went walking looking for the sound all the way to Popeyes and I didn’t see you or the Tundra. Guess it was just me wanting it to be you there and I didn’t see you. Please call me tell me you’re ok. I wish I had a car to drive around and find you. Are u thinking about me? I think I finally lost you ) :
I wrote this on October 1st. He is back now but I feel like he has one foot out the door. He loves me but his patience has ran out with me. Isn’t this what I wanted? To push him away. Well I succeeded so why do I feel soo sad. Always fuckin up shit. Got someone being the man, treating me like a queen, and I fucked up my own good thing. Didn’t have to have another bitch in the picture helping out. It was all me this time.