Author Archive for

12
Jan
09

Hello 2009….and I’m still f ‘ing lazy.

I think about this blog everyday just been to busy yea right I mean too lazy to update it and I am online everyday. Crazy I know.

Christmas was b-o-r-i-n-g. I get soo depressed around that time. I just feel that my so called family should call me up and invite me or something knowing that all my immediate family is dead and gone ya know but oh well here is to 2009 and not giving a damn. Family…what family? They is forgotten.

My boo gets soo mad when I tell him that I am in this world alone because he looks at me like “what the hell am I ..chopped liver?” haha I love that man but I can’t depend on any man to be there for me forever and ever and ever because that shit is for the birds. I thought my ex would be down for me forever until his ass decided to cheat on me. Never thought it would happen even tho I accused him all of the time I still never thought it would happen. Yea if me and my man broke up today it would just be “me, myself, and I . Thats all I got.”

Props to my baby trying to make that day xtra xtra special for me tho. He bought me an Ipod 8GB . Ain’t it purty. ipod8gb4 I been bugging him about a zune for the longest but who has 250 to just throw around on music so I told him I would  just settle for the zune that was like 149 turned out they were out because he went to buy it last minute so he gots me a nano. I didn’t know how freakin small this things were for real. I am such a cheapo how about when he gave it to me and I found out how much it was I was all like “take it back, take it back” haha . I didn’t see how he could possibly have gotten his moneys worth seeing how small it was but he was like girl stop tripping. Yea must be nice to have a cheap girlfriend. I am from Texas so we like everything big here. They trying to make everything soo small these days. I was like man this thang soo small Imma break it for real and then I didn’t like how you had to turn the wheel in order to select the song. I kept turning the damn wheel too much and it kept passin stuff up when I was trying to figure out how to work it. I had to sit it down for a couple of days and then I picked up back up again and quickly got the hang of it. My baby was like yea you was trippin I knew you would like it. Me and technology I am not hip I guess.

Really didn’t think I would be gettin anything because money is tight. I really don’t know how money is tight seeing how we not paying rent??? I am confused on that one for real. And I no you told me not to spend the money nodaysoff but ya girl needs a car. I am tired of being on public transportation for real so I am really thinking I need to take this opportunity to buy me a vehicle . It is hard gettin around Houston without a car. I may regret not taking your advice tho.

Other than that everything still the same. New Years we didn’t do anything. I am soo fed up with these holidays. Happy they are over for real I am . I didnt eat no turkey,dressing,ham,potato salad, yams, greens, broccoli cheese n rice, sweet potato pie, pecan pie, pound cake, german chocolate cake at all this year lol I named all that out to my boyfriend he said got damned and I was like yea my ex-family does it big.

Good news is I am still sticking with my diet no not a diet my new lifestyle and have lost 17 lbs in all without gaining a lick of it back. Trust me your girl still has a looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooog ways to go still LMAO but just takin it 1 lb at a time thats all I can do. Stick around I might show u guys my before and after at the end of this year and blow you guys away. Tired of being fat man.

Have a happy new year!!! Yea I know I am late but better late than neva.

20
Dec
08

Foreclosure

So I don’t think i posted about this yet but I found out in September that my landlord has not been paying the mortgage on my rental and it  is actually in foreclosure at the moment. Soo I am one of the latest victims of the mortgage crisis they got going on right now.

I found out after Hurricane Ike hit us, because there was some man who knocked on my door looking for apartment 4. I was  like umm, what are you talking about?  There is no apartment 4. I live in a Townhouse but its like  a four-plex. We all have the same address followed by a b c or d. So I told him that. He then proceeded to tell me that the house was in foreclosure and the landlord had not been paying the mortgage on it for a good 6 months. I was totally in shock about this because I know I pay my rent on time every month so where the hell was my money going right?? I later figured out that the address probably had a 4 on it because there are 4 units duh!! I guess the man had some eviction notice in hand and told me he was just going to take 4 as meaning D since D is the 4th letter in the alphabet I guess and put it on D door. I was like whatever do that then but he did advise me maybe I shouldn’t pay the man anymore rent. Really and truly the move out letter should have been posted on everybody door but the man only had one letter ha.

The guy in D has since moved out. My boyfriend knows him pretty well . He is the man you want to go to for whatever your pleasure may be. He moved across the parking lot to another one of the townhouse buildings over here. I guess he didn’t want to play with them folks and if it was me hell I would  not have either but now what about the rest of us?

I spoke to my landlord a couple of times. Of course he acted confused like he didn’t know what was going on . Hummm ummmm..sure guy but I continued to pay my rent for September and October. I started getting all the letters in the mail from lawyers addressed to him wanting to help him. I called him about that too and I guess still in denial he was like oh don’t worry about that I got it under control. Humm ummm…sure guy.

Soo in November I ended up calling him yet again  to fix my back yard fence  which has been destroyed since September due to a lot of rain we were getting. It was not strong enough to hold up and eventually fell. I called him about it on several occasions before and he did not get it done. The dude in apartment D had it fixed for us a couple of times. I guess he paid a crack head to  rig it up but it kept falling and I was tired of people just walking through my yard from across the street where there are other houses trying to get a short cut to the store or whatever. Also i wanted him to get someone to mow my lawn which has also not been mowed since September and to tell him about the tree that had fell in apartment A’s front yard because of the hurricane that had not been removed yet. I mean there are like 10 buildings over here where I stay but they are all privately owned with different landlords and our building looks like crap. We look like the unloved step sister of the neighborhood because he has not been keeping up the maintenance.

Well anyways he then proceeded to tell the truth…finally. He is not able to fix anything else on the property yadda yadda yadda I don’t know why but he started telling me this sob story about them taking his home. I mean don’t get me wrong I have a heart and I feel for him but I hate liars. Don’t pretend to me like everything is honkie dorie when it isn’t and thats exactly what he did all the times that I had to CALL HIM to find out what was going on while he still accepting my money. He told me that apartment D had to move out (which I already knew) but he don’t know about the rest of us and he was trying to find out what was going with that. I asked him about the rent for November and he told me to go ahead and kept it so that I could have money to move and if I needed anything to just ask him. Fine.

Apartment D moved out in November. I kept the money for November and just waited around to find out if I should move or not. Don’t you know this fool call me like a week and half later and asked me to send him the rent. Yea he smokin. Whatever dude. That money went to pay a 300 dollar light bill you better gone with that. I guess after he could not get any more money out of me he didn’t want anything else to do with me because when I would call him and try to find out what was going on with the foreclosure process,  he pretends to not know. Fine dude whatever be like that then. The last time I called me he told me someone from the mortgage company will be getting in contact with me soon. About what I dont know he pretended to not know this. We almost to January and no one has contacted me and I don’t even know where to send rent even if I was going to. All I know is that I am not sending any more money to him and I hope A or B are not sending money to him either. I tried to talk to the dude in A (they are Asians) and they didn’t seem to know anything about what was going on . I bet they still giving that money but whatever.

I don’t know if I should move or what. Right now we have put some of the money to the side . I am trying to save for a little 2000 dollar or something car because I need another vehicle bad and I am hoping nobody comes knocking on my door about rent for the last couple of months because humm I don’t have it soo I been trying to read up online to find out what my rights were.  I read about some dude that lived in a foreclosure property for close to a year rent free. I don’t feel right about that. I just want to get a car and then probably bounce. If somebody would tell me what was up I would be paying rent but the landlord wanna act like an ass and not give me any info so whatever.

I have been reading a couple of people blogs and I know I am not the only one going through this right now only thing is my situation is a little more unique because I wasn’t thrown out like the guy next door was. Will see soon how this turns out. Anybody got experience with this and has advice let me know.

12
Dec
08

Oh My Word

It snowed in HOUSTON yesterday!! What tha hell??? Check it out..

snow day

Now I don’t know how I managed to piss mother nature off but everybody witnessed this event except me. I didn’t get not one drop of snow. I was on the phone paying my cable bill and the comcast rep tombout “do you see the snow??” all excited and shit. I am like what snow girl? What r u talking about? Where tha hell r u ? And she was in Houston by the Northwest Freeway and I told her well send some over here to me I’m by the Southwest Freeway because I ain’t gettin a drop. She was sooo freaking excited, she was  like” yes I am from the Philippines and I have never seen snow before. Does it usually snow here?” Umm nooo this is a rare day but I was happy for her because she was just too krunk lol.

We only get to see snow about every 4 or 5 years and I have never seen this amount of snow since  never….I was in elementary the last time we kinda got snowed on like this and we ran outside with socks on our hands to play in it. Hell we in Texas we didn’t know nothin about what gloves are but oh well maybe in 4 years I shall get some snow in my own backyard.

I am just happy that I don’t have any kids because I would have been hot that they didn’t get their snow.

All I got was some cold cold temperature and rained on real hard. Man its fuckin cold.

24
Nov
08

Do u know what today is…

It’s our anniversary, oh yea, anniversary. Well actually it was yesterday.  B-J and I  celebrated our 2 year anniversary. We had a ball at Dave n Busters and then ended the night at Red Lobster. I don’t too much care for Red Lobster. I mean we have been a couple of times and have always been disappointed. Our restaurant is Chilis. We always go to Chilis tho so we decided to go to eat some lobster. Every time we see their commercial we’re always like let’s give it another try because that ish looks soo good on tv haha. I tried lobster for the first time yesterday and that ish is gooood!! I see what all the big hoopla is about now. It was grilled and oh my Lord it was soo good. Next time I would like to order a whole one lol.Can you believe all those times I went to that Restaurant I never tried their lobster. Okay. Didn’t know what I was missing out on but anyway….

How good does it  fill knowing that you are loved? I love the fact that my man tells me that I make him soo happy. He has no problem expressing to me how he feels and putting into words how I make him feel. I love it soo much. When we came out of Dave n Busters, we was all giddy with excitement after going there acting like big kids, being competitive, and just playing games. Everytime we come from Dave n Busters he is always soo happy and in a good  mood. Just like a kid . All he need is his games. Men can be such simple creaturs sometimes.Not complicated individuals like us lol.

It is good to know if he is ever feeling down all I have to do is take him to Dave n Busters, get him his Spicy Lamb dish that he enjoys from this Asian Restaurant, and ride him one good time, and he’s pretty much in Heaven. Haha. I crack myself up but its soo true. He is a complete turn around from that last man that I had. Couldn’t make that man happy to save my life. Always had something to complain about no matter what I did. Oh well.

Last night before bed I wanted to recap a little bit by asking how was the last two years and what did we need to improve on in order to make our relationship improved and be where we would like it to be. I think we both agreed that we are really good now. I spent the majority of the first 2 years pushing him away and just basically being afraid of getting hurt and I have really sloooooooooooowed down on all of that. The more we are together I am starting to let my guard down a little more. Isn’t it like when u let your guard down shit goes wrong tho?  People sometimes take that as they q to act a damn fool .But whatever I am letting my guard down more and more and just enjoying the relationship and being happy. I had read some quote the other day basically about why waste time worrying about problems that are not there. You should handle those problems if and when they come up. If you spend all your time worrying about something that isn’t there you miss out on enjoying something that is good and beautiful and right-right now.

Live for today basically and I am doing that!! When it comes to my relationship anyway haha.

15
Nov
08

Didn’t know I was tagged


I know it’s been a little while since my lazy behind has posted but I was tagged by GROWING Pains so here goes:

10 Years Ago (1998):
1. I was 16
2. I was in the eleventh grade.
3. I was living with my Uncle, Aunt and 2 cousins in a 2 bedroom apartment.
4. I was very depressed, lonely, and spent my days locked up in the room the three of us shared in bed watching tv.
5. I had just started working at my first job Long John Silver’s making minimum wage. Ended up working there for more than 2 years and eventually moved out and got my own place when I turned 18.

5 Things on Today’s “To Do” List:
1. Walkin to Popeyes  any minute now to get something to eat because there is nothing in my fridge.
2. Clean my house
3. Hopefully go pick up a few groceries from Fiesta Mart
4. Watch tv
5. Get pestered by my bf to play Sims with him when he gets off work…the boy gots a serious addiction!

5 Things that I would do if I were a millionaire:
1. Improve my nasty credit
2. Buy me a Benz
3. Buy a new house
4. Get married and start a family
5. Save the rest.

5 Places I have lived:
1. Houston

5 Jobs I have had:
1. Long John Silvers
2. Toys R Us- Took up as a second job used to work 9-4 at Toys and cross the street and work 5-11 at LJS lol woo those were the days
3. Kmart – kicked both Toys and Ljs to the curb for Kmart they was paying me 6.00 dollars an hr…damn I remember when 6/hr was such a fucking lot to me.
4. Staffmark-telemarketer for SBC
5. “Top Secret”- Not going to post the company I work for now don’t wany any noseys finding me and boy if I posted the place I worked for I would be terrorized by angry angry people on the internet looking for any info about the company LMAO. Damn doesn’t that just sound like I work for a shady organization????

The Rules:
1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Write six random things about yourself. (See below)
4. Tag six people at the end of your post and link to them. (See further below…)
5. Let each person know they’ve been tagged and leave a comment on their blog.
6. Let the tagger know when your entry is up.

6 Random Things About Christina:

1. I like to watch porn while having sex…

2. If I don’t have sex every couple of days I turn into a real b-i-t-c-h..yes I wear his azz out lol.

3. I like for —->BJ(my man)and BJ only<—–to nut on my face. Was that TMI. I think so but it makes me feel soo dirty LMAO.

4. I am not big fan of oral. I don’t know why. I know with some women thats the only way for them to cum but umm I just like to get it in. My man is not big on oral either ….I love that because I don’t have the jaws for it lol.

5. I’m lazy

6. Behind my tough exterior is a girl that is sweet as pie and will be the best friend you wish you always had.
Hmmm…I’m tagging:

ANYONE THAT WANTS TO BE TAGGED. GET AT IT AND LET ME KNOW WHEN U POST SO I CAN READ IT.

03
Nov
08

Dammit …

My freaking stomach hurts. You know how when old people always talking about they can’t eat certain foods because it gives them heartburn or indigestion? Well I must be getting old because last night we ordered a pizza from Dominos last night and I like jalapenos on my pizza. It’s a new thing I started doing this year but got damn if that shit did not set my stomach on fire ALL.NIGHT.LONG. I was running to the bathroom. OH MY GOD it felt like I was about to die. I know I at least went 10 times guys! Whooo and that shit is still killing me right now.

For the life of me I could not figure out why my stomach was hurting soo much last night. I had drunk some 7 up and vodka and baby was like it’s the  7up. I am like no can’t be because I was always told you take 7 up when you having stomach pain. It supposed to settle your stomach. He was like no thats Sprite. I was like no I have never heard anyone say drink a Sprite when your stomach was upset. That doesn’t even sound right but he said thats what he was always told. But anyways smart ass was like if it was 7up  your stomach  wouldnt be hurting right now would it. Always gotta be right I tell ya. This is just the kinda shit we argue about on the regular.

Lets not talk about him though. He lit my damn bedroom on fire last night with his damn funky ass farts. He is always like that when he eats too much cheese. No more pizza for us right? I have never seen anyone set off as many bombs as he did last night LMAO. Eww!! Them thangs was fuckin dangerous. And then he don’t know how to switch his little booty the other way so when I have my face under the covers I get a mouth full of fart. Nasty. I love that man but I swear I wanted to beat him down last night. Finally I told him…that is soo not cute. It is soo not sexy. You are taking all the mystery out of this relationship and I am about to downgrade you to kid brother status if you continue with them F bombs. He had the nerve to pass one yesterday when we was about to get our groove on and he must have saw my face because he ran and got some Febreeze and sprayed it towards the ceiling. I am soo mad that damn Febreeze came down right on top of who? Me you guessed it. Why he gonna spray it right over my head like what goes up doesn’t have to come down. I must really love him because I was soo annoyed and soo not in the mood but thats my little clumsy man so we still managed to get it in and it was good.

Since I told him not to fart around me anymore he too kept getting up about 10-15 times last night and all I heard was brooooooooooooooooooooonk!! and then he’ll come back in the room and lay back down and then I  would get up and got to the restroom and take care of my business and we did this all night. Took turns getting up.

The joys of getting old hunh. At 25 and 26 damn… we are not even 30 yet. I do love my jalapenos but dammit if I gotta go through this everytime I eat them from now on I pass. You just don’t know how bad my stomach is hurting right now.

29
Oct
08

My Baby Is Coming Home…..

Just called the  jail for an update because when I called earlier today I found out 5 of the cases was dismissed but he still had to got back to court tonight. He had a total of 15 cases of traffic tickets and a few had turned into warrants. He was scheduled to go back to court at 6 this evening so I was waiting to call and get an update. My aunt stopped by she was going to take me up there to see him but when I called I found out that he was waiting to be released. Yipppeeeee!! I was going crazy without my snooga bear. Its only been one night but still. I was talking to this girl at my job and she was like he probably just do a couple of days but I had my doubts. I told her how many cases he had and she was like damn 15??? Obviously she had some experience and was like when she went to court the judge told her to plead not guilty and her case ended up being dismissed. I was like the judge told you to plead not guilty wow! Ok but I wonder if the same thing happened to him. All them tickets I can’t see all them cops showing up. I am soo happy I was thinking he was going to be sitting there a few months.

I hope he learned his lesson but you know how men is. I kept telling him that shit will catch up to you. But I am not sad n e more. I don’t think I will get any sleep tonight tho because I will be up waiting for him.

28
Oct
08

I’m Sad

My baby got arrested today. I soo hate that!

18
Oct
08

Oh Snap

My internet had been off for about a week now so thats why I hadn’t been posting. I was trying to figure out why the views on my blog had skyrocketed soo much. I had like 100 views in one day. That is not the norm for me. I am lucky to get 20 but I was like ok I guess ..whatever..but I made my rounds today reading over the blogs I like to read catching up trying to see whats going on in the blog world. I came across a post that nodaysoff made a few days back and saw that he spotlighted me on his blog. Thats sweet! Thank you!! I am sure everyone knows about his blog already but if you don’t check him out. He is mad funny!!

18
Oct
08

I Hate My New Neighbors

She loud. She ghetto. She ignant.

Her kids are loud. Her kids are always in my damn way when I am walking out of my townhome and I really just wish they would move!!!

Dammit I like my privacy. And they are invading my space. Am I racist if I say I don’t like to live by black people?

I’m sorry but damn it I hate drama and shit and whenever black people move near me they always seem to bring it.

I been staying here going on 3 years now and now all of a sudden I am thinking about moving.

How about I have been having my car sitting up for months now because I was going to get it fixed but then later changed my mind and decided fuck it let it rot. I just never had pickyourpart come and pick it up but its been sitting in my damn parking spot. MINE MINE MINE. Minding its own damn business and I don’t know who but dammit I wished I did know because they ass would be mine. Anyways some little fucker decides to bust the window on my car. This happened right after the hurricane so at first I thought Ike did it but then one day the boyfriend talked me into cleaning out the car so I could scrap it and lo and behold I found out someone tried to steal the cd player I had in there. Also the key on the passenger side had been picked. I was a mad bitch at that time but I still didn’t have it moved.

Yesterday I get home from work and I see the back driver side window had a hole in it as if someone threw a baseball through it. I was steaming then because I didn’t know who had done it and was mad that the little fucker had the nerve do it right up under  my damn nose while I am in the house chillin. All I had to do was step outide and catch they ass. What balls they have.

Last night, I needed some cigarettes soo bad so we about to go to the store and saw the little fucker had not only completely finished off the back driver side window but had also completely busted the back window. Fucked up my whole night. I don’t give a fuck if it is a piece of shit car and has been sitting there what gives you the right to tear up my shit!!

You don’t know how mad I was about this shit last night. I couldnt even resume what we had been doing before we had even went outside. I went back in the house raised the windows in my living room and listened because oooh I wanted to catch they little ass soo badly because it seemed like they wasn’t going to stop until they had they fun busting all the windows out.

Now I don’t know for sure if the ones next door did it or not but I do know that she had been complaining to her landlord to move MY CAR. What tha hell?

And lastnight when I was listening for them it sound like i heard a rock hit my living room window or me and the boyfriend may have just been listening for a reason to go out there and charge they ass up but the next thing I know my man had ran out the door and was yelling at them about throwing rocks at our window and I his ride or die chick was right behind him not even asking about the rock that hit my window but was asking them about my car lol.

Slept with the window open upstairs too and the fan off so I could hear knowing I am a hard sleeper but I tried to sleep with one eye open because I wanted to catch they ass soo bad.

Spent the whole day waiting on a tow truck to come and get the car which he never did and I swear if I go out there and see another window busted I am going to bust someone’s azzz!! I don’t know who’s but I will find one to bust.

I was yelling at everybody kids today because anytime I heard someone even near my car I was outside telling they ass off. DONT FUCKING SIT ON MY CAR, JUMP ON MY CAR , OR TOUCH MY CAR. ITS NOT A FUCKING PLAY TOY. GO PLAY WITH YOUR OWN MAMA’S CAR.

All I do everyday is go to work and come home and mind my own but I see I am going to start showing my face a little more around this damn place. Folks wanna fuck with my shit around here.

Thinkin about moving. I can’t stand staying around  bad ass kids and they ghetto ass parents.

06
Oct
08

We will make a argument out of anything

Ok so after our big break up that didn’t even last a day we was back arguing again yesterday and he was ready to leave all over a damn cookie. Yes. A cookie. It went a little something like this.

The boyfriend gets up to go get some cookies out of the kitchen and starts to eat on them. They those old expensive ass Pepperidge cookies that have only a few in the pack. Supposedly they his favorites but this the first I ever seen him eat one in 2 years??

Me: Can I have one? Well wait how many you have left in there?

The bf: Yes you can one.. (proceeded to give me one) ..I don’t know how many left in here.

Me:How many you have left?

The bf: Three.

Me: Oh okay No sorry I changed my mind I don’t want any.

The bf: Girl, here. Take this cookie.

Me: No I don’t want one.

The bf: Why you ask then?

Me: Because . I did want one because I saw you with it but I changed my mind because you only have 3 left.

The bf: I don’t care if I only have one left. I don’t mind sharing with you.

Me: I know. I just don’t want it now.

The bf: Damn you make me not even want to eat it anymore (proceeds to get up and put the cookies away)

Me: ( I’m upset) Just because I changed my mind about wanting a cookie does not mean that should stop you from enjoying your cookies and milk.

The bf: I just don’t want it anymore.

After that we was watching tv but I didn’t even want to watch it anymore because he had a shitty ass attitude looking all pissed all because I changed my mind about a damn cookie. And I was mad because he put the freakin cookies away just because I changed my mind and didn’t want any.  I was like what tha hell?  He started talking about how I always put him before me and he don’t like that. Any other girl would have been like give me a cookie or whatever but I am always thinking about him and being extra considerate of him and his  feelings  like me not wanting to eat all his cookies.

WHAT THAT HELL? SOO YOU MAD BECAUSE YOU HAVE A GIRL THAT IS CONSIDERATE NOW???

Ummmkay. He told me he like the fact that I am giving but I am too giving sometimes that it makes him mad. It was stupid and petty. I changed my mind this is not a reason to argue because I changed my mind. So we was going back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. Then he got up and was like you know what this is not going to change. We are going to continue to argue and started getting his stuff to leave. He still had his stuff in the Tundra from a few days ago that he did not bring in the house so basically he was just grabbing a few things he had in here to leave.

I wasn’t saying shit I was trying to be all hard about the situation like nigga wanna get mad about a fucking cookie and leave let him go then lol! He tore up the letter I wrote like did you even mean this shit??? I was like I meant it at that time lol. So he left out the door and I was looking out the peep hole at him to see if he was really going and I saw him place his stuff like next to my door and walk off  . So I go oustide talking shit “you wanna leave and break up with me fine don’t be leaving your shit by my door” It was crazy. Crazy. Crazy. Crazy.

He ended up coming in the house tho and we had make up sex that night. It was real good too. Like better than it has been in a looong while.

I don’t know why we are arguing soo fucking much. I think maybe I have gotten in the habit of picking fights with him and its rubbed off on him and he has started to do that to me now. I was mad tho because I was like damn can’t a girl change her mind.

He is right about one thing I do always put him before me. I don’t know why I will do that in relationships. If we only have one thing left to eat in the house I will save that for him and the man is supposed to look out for the woman but I be looking out for my man real tough. I am very nurturing but I shouldn’t ever put no man above me. I need to work on that.

But yea we almost broke up over some damn cookie this time.

04
Oct
08

Won’t b Happy Til I Push Everyone Away

Baby I don’t know what to do right now? I feel soo lost without you here. All I can do is sit here in the dark and concentrate on the fact that you are not here with me. I hate myself right now. I hate myself for hurting and pushing away the one good thing in my life right now. All because of something stupid. I let that mess up everything that we built and have together. I feel soo foolish for allowing my anger to get in the way of our happiness. I wish that I could bottle up what I feel right now so just to sniff that bottle will remind me of what it felt like you not being here. Your truly a good man. And I sometimes take for granted how good you are to me. How stupid for me to allow this to come in between us. Baby I want you back here. Watchin our shows. Eating our salad. Laughin and Talkin. Drinking our mixed drinks. I know that I will never find someone who takes care of my emotional as you do. I pray to God he send you back to me right now!! I hear your beats outside? Do I hear you coming back to me? Had God answered me?? No. I went walking looking for the sound all the way to Popeyes and I didn’t see you or the Tundra. Guess it was just me wanting it to be you there and I didn’t see you. Please call me tell me you’re ok. I wish I had a car to drive around and find you. Are u thinking about me? I think I finally lost you ) :
I wrote this on October 1st. He is back now but I feel like he has one foot out the door. He loves me but his patience has ran out with me. Isn’t this what I wanted? To push him away. Well I succeeded so why do I feel soo sad. Always fuckin up shit. Got someone being the man, treating me like a queen, and I fucked up my own good thing. Didn’t have to have another bitch in the picture helping out. It was all me this time.

20
Sep
08

Well I Made It Thru

I survived Hurricane Ike and all I got was this stupid t-shirt.

Gotta get me one of those shirts. Even tho I think its a cheap way for folks to make money.

It was a hellish experience but it could have been much worse for me so I should not complain I guess. It wasn’t a Katrina so I guess thats why some say it wasn’t soo bad but can anything beat Katrina? My God nooooooo and thank goodness. Hopefully that was only once in  a lifetime thing. But Ike was still the worst Hurricane I ever experience because it affected me the worse. But I digress, besides not being able to find the food I want due to the pickings of food at groceries stores being real slim and being in desperate need of gas right now plus businesses I want to go to still being closed I am ok right now. I wasn’t one of the ones that lost their homes and got washed out to sea but I was one of the first to lose their power.

Even after all the hoopla I still didn’t think Ike would effect me any. I was wrong. I was up watching the news on Friday night, the bf was on the couch sleeping through it all, and boy the wind was really blowing strong. I went outside and was surprised to see my whole little neighborhood standing outside. I guess they were curious about what the hell ike was up to as well. I stayed outside about 15 minutes talking to my homegirl Cee  on the phone then came back into the house and laid back on the other couch to finish watching the news.

The lights blinked off around 9. I was surprised as hell that my lights blinked off that soon. Afterwards I heard that the energy company was surprised as well by this. It was unexpected. 99% percent lost power!!! That is freaking amazing. One guy they interviewed that works for the energy company was on the radio describing how it felt to watch his little screen at work and to see all the customers that lost power at nearly the same time. He was like I nearly lost myself.  And as of today there are 3 million people stil without power.

The hurricane was not expected to make landfall until after 12 midnight and here it was just 9 and already problems.The lights did blink back on but the cable showed no picture so what the fuck ever I just turned it off. Woke up the bf to go upstairs and finished watching the news upstairs. We rolled a fat one and watched news a few minutes before laying it down.

Not long after laying down…the blinking of power started again. The fan and the clock radio kept blinking off on off on off on off on off on off on until I could not take it anymore. I don’t know why everytime the clock radio blinked on the radio blinked on as well because the radio on my clock was not even turned to on but I made the bf get up and turn it off for good and then the lights went off for good. And then came the heat and stickyness and uncomfortableness. I had the window raised up. I didn’t give a freak if Ike was coming I was hott as hell. I could not even sleep good because the wind was blowing soo freaking hard it kept waking me up. Ya’ll I had never experience wind like this. I thought it would break my window.

When I woke up I got to witness just how strong Ike was. It completely destroyed my fence in the backyard and ripped my umbrella that goes to my patio set to shreds. We took a ride just to see the damage it caused in our neighborhood. A lot of trees knocked down, fences knocked down, street lights hanging on for dear life by a thread, some street lights was completely in the middle of the streets. No one had power! No one had power at all! I was amazed.

It didn’t even rain in my area.

Ike was nothing but wind and that wind did all that damage. I mean I can take a little rain and a lot of flooding and I thought that was what Ike would mostly be. I was like oh its going to rain. Its going to flood. Whoop te Do. I was wrong.

Saturday we didn’t have any water. And thats when things got real personal lol. No way to take a bath. Had to deal with washing our asses with a piece of soap, a jug of water, and a towel. I look and felt a freaking mess. Hair all over the head. I was like damn Ike If I had known I would have at least got my hair done for you so I would not have been lookin this way.

We was unprepared. The bf downplayed the whole thing. You know how men is. I wanted to go get this get that to be prepared you know but I let him be the man and let him squash what I wanted to do. Next time I am taking my ass to the store to get some shit. Luckily Saturday we found this little Cajun stand that was open owned by Chinese that was selling food. Line was out the whoo zoo. We was there 3 hours until we finally got our food. It was the only thing open. I ordered the catfish basket and he ordered some boudin and chicken wings. Thank God for Asians. I found more Asian places open the day after the hurricane then anything. Them Asians is not going to lose no money. They gonna make it do what it do. Also thank God for H-E-B.  They was open the day after the hurricane. They didn’t have a damn thing on they shelves but they was open. I felt soo proud of that at the time. Walgreens was one of the first ones to open back up as well and you know McDonalds is down for the people.

Its funny me and the bf was sitting in the Tundra listening to music in the truckand kept seeing our neighbors come into the complex with McDonalds bags. We was like unh unh where is they getting this McDonalds from??? Fucked up part is we couldnt get shit tho because we didn’t have enough gas to go anywhere and did not know who was selling gas at the time.

All that FEMA shit was unorganized. People on the radio complaining how Houston was the first to open they arms to New Orleans but we felt as though no one was there for us. All the FEMA pods that were set up for people to go get water and food was no where near my area. Some lady called in and was like all ya’ll complaining like this is Katrina when you can go walk or drive to get something to eat. Ummm….. nooo…. maybe she had a FEMA pod in her area but the majority of people did not have gas to go a got damn where. Oh well I guess every hurricane we have from now on is going to be compared to Katrina from now but things were pretty bad for some more than most. For a lot of people this was the first time they had went thru anything like this. Any whooo We thought we found a store that was open because we saw people coming out with juice and shit turned out they were looting. Yep we had looters.

Me and the bf basically spent our time between talking shit to each other while playing Monoply. I beat him twice!! and Going to the truck to listen to the radio and find out what the world was up to. Sunday we found a Mexican Restaurant open that we walked to selling Mexican food. It was dark as hell up in that restaurant. Don’t know how they did it but we ate it and it was good lol. I saw an open sign and me and the bf was thankful.  Monday I don’t think we ate anything or at least nothing memorable. I remember telling the bf i was hungry he told me don’t think about it lol. Hard times people….

Tuesday we found gas. The bf got fed up finally and was like fuck this shit he manned up and was like I am about to find some gas. He was like we can’t spend another day cooped up in this house. So he went to walking and turns out the Chevron up the street was where all the people was getting gas. While we was sitting in the truck we kept seeing people leaving back and forth and he was like it gotta be a gas station near here open. I was like maybe they filled up before the hurricane. He was like naw its something open and he found it. 9:00 at night while he was in a long ass line waiting for gas, I called him and told him the good news that the power was back on. Thank you Jesus! Afterwards we just rode around and found a pizza place open that sold some nasty ass pizza. Took us an hour and a half because the line was long.

Damn near five days without power. It was hot. The house stunk from like the bad food. When he was getting gas I was cleaning up the place and while I was cleaning up the lights came back on. I was like ain’t this a bitch haha. Baby came in the house and saw I had all the candles lit up I had found and was like now you want to light candles. Ummm yea! lol funny stuff.

After all this I am thankful because it showed me to be thankful for the small things like electricity and water. Me and the bf depend on the tv a lot of times to entertain us and it was good that we got to do something outside of that like talk haha. We played Monoply and enjoyed our time together.It let me know our love can stand the times. He told me he wasn’t worried about the hurricane before it came because he was like we gonna have each other. Awwww…baby….soooo…..sweeet! Ha Ha.

I felt bad because I was complaining about how long they  were taking to get our lights back on when some of the people I am close to are still without power.

I know this is a long post and maybe a few will read it but this is mainly a reference post for me that I can look back over  and read from time to time. So sorry soo long

Mwah…..

12
Sep
08

Houston decides to stare down Ike instead of leave


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By MICHAEL GRACZYK, Associated Press Writer 11 minutes ago

HOUSTON – As a gigantic Hurricane Ike steamed through the Gulf of Mexico toward the Texas coast, officials in America’s fourth-largest city made a bold decision: Instead of fleeing, most residents here would stare down the storm.

Continue reading ‘Houston decides to stare down Ike instead of leave’

11
Sep
08

Hurricane Ike

Well well well. Ole Ikey boy is headed for us. Expected to be here sometime this weekend. I say Tina needs to get in that ass and slow that nigga down lol.

Well thanks to Ike I am off tomorrow. Yippee!!! Another three day weekend. Job will probably be closed on Monday as well soooooo I will probably be having a four day weekend 🙂

Traffic was a bitch getting off work today! I had to take the bus so I didn’t appreciate being on the bus with funky smelly people with standing room only smelling underarm funk for a whole hour.

Ok. I need to buy a couple of flashlights and batteries, get some water, and maybe some bread and lunchmeat in case the electricity goes out.

I suspect the shelves are already empty at most grocery stores. People love to panic and act a fool fighting over water. Damn people! Anyway by the time BJ gets off everything will probably be gone off the shelves.

Right now Ike is expected to hit the Texas Coast as a category 3-4 and by the time it hits my area it will more than likely be downgraded to a hurricane 2 even if that. Who knows? Ike is ENORMOUS. He is almost the size of Texas. Who knows what he has up his sleeve.

My supervisor today was like are you prepared. I am like prepared for what? I mean Thank God the times I was in a Hurricane besides a lot of rain and a whole lot of flooding It really did not affect me much. He did kinda scare me talking about losing electricity though. That would be a bitch!

I just feel sorry for a lot of the older people that live in the older parts of town that keep getting their houses flooded out but hey it is Hurricane season. People are still cleaning up from the Tropical Storm that happened last month. This has been one of the busiest Hurricane seasons in awhile.

I am glad things are a little more organized this year tho. They have been doing evacuations in areas that are expected to get the brunt of it by zip codes now instead of the major major disaster of Hurricane Rita back in 2005. Everybody was leaving for the highway at the same damn time and the hurricane wasn’t so much the disaster as the traffic was on the freeway. A lot of people died sitting in traffic. That was horrible. But yea much better organization this year.

This time around Ike is expected to be much more worse than Rita and expected to carry on much longer.

But I am just going to sit back, drink a couple of beer, light a blunt and let nature take its course.

I’m going to be still following the storm in case something changes.

Well for my Texas peeps be safe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please.

Especially you guys that live closer to Galveston Island that will be more affected by this hell of a storm.

Smooches.

05
Sep
08

M.Y.S.P.A.C.E.


I’m a stalker.

Is there anyone’s m.y.s.p.a.c.e. that you stalk on a regular basis?

I was going through my regular rounds hitting all the websites I visit on a daily and I was just paying attention to some of my bad habits.

Why do I have to visit his babymothers page everrrrrrrrryday?

My boyfriend calls me a private detective because I seem to have a way of finding out whatever information I need to. I am just soo nosey.

I found her page back when she first starting calling the boyfriend. All I had was her nickname and I still found that page. I wanted to know what she looked liked (oh nothing special) but more importantly I wanted to see what his son was like. Alright looking kid. Resemblances the boyfriend a lot with some of his mothers looks sprinkled in for affect .

But I’m like now, I know what she + the kid looks like so why do I still need to visit her site. I mean its not like she ever updates the thing anyway. Mental note to self…..STOP!

When me and the boyfriend first starting talking and he was sweating me real hard, he had a couple of chicken head friends he was conversing with. I was trying hard to brush him off even tho I was feeling him. I was afraid of getting in another relationship. Afraid of being hurt again.

I would tell him to talk to other girls and stop devoting soo much of his time with me because it wasn’t happening. I was talking to other people so I wanted him to understand that I was not trying to get into no more bad heart ache relationships because I felt like I would die if I got hurt again.

Eventually he listened and developed a friendship with some high school chicken head named Kha.ila in an attempt to get me jealous. He came to my house one day when I made him set up a myspace page (I ended up hating I did lol) so he could be my friend. He called ole girl because he wanted to see what her page looked like since they had never met. He said she was ugly by the way hehe.

Why have I been checking her page every since? It’s been almost two years since me and him first got together and I am still checking her page when he stopped talking to her at the same time we finally got together.

Not to mention she made her page private and I still check.

Her page has kinda become like a soap opera to me. My space is kinda like that because people put soo much into their lives on those pages they just don’t know how much of themselves they are giving away.

She has like moved to another city, in college, with some cheater dude who got her pregnant now.

He told me once that she was his second choice if I had never come around. I guess he would be on baby number 3 with her if he had got with her tho.

Scary.

But yea I probably will forever stalk these 2 pages now . I don’t think I will stop. I am just too obsessed now with it.

I’ll probably stay tuned to the babymomma page just to see if she will ever post new pictures ..*boring*

Yea I’m pitiful.

02
Sep
08

Uhh! This cat!

Seem like i just posted about my four day weekend. And today is already the last day of it. Aww Shit!!

Yea I forgot to post that BJ got me a cat like a month ago. We call her BB. It stands for busy body. That she is. One of his customers gave the cat to him and he already had told the customer he would take it but then called me to confirm. I didn’t want it but I didn’t tell him that because I thought he wanted it.

What is it about men that makes them always want to give me animals? My ex gave me a cat too. We named her Sunday because we found her on a Sunday. Had the cat for years and just got rid of her a few months ago. So I think it was non thinking on my bf part to give me another cat. When I got rid of the first one that should have told him don’t bring no more but I should have spoke up too . I just couldn’t say no.

The cat was chill at first man. Real laid back cat. She stayed to herself. All she did was find her a corner and curled up in it. I was like cool, this is just the kind of cat that I wanted. I always see folks with cats curled up in there window all day. Thats what I want a big ole lazy cat. Kinda like me lol.

My bf was all excited because we got our first pet together and shiit. He had me excited too but I was still skeptical because I know how cats are and I was right. Cat running all around the house, knocking stuff down, making a mess in the bathroom with her cat litter spread all across the floor. Don’t let us go in the room at night and leave her out. We sleep with the door closed. It keeps the room cooler. She wants to come in so she bams on the door for about an hour and when I went out of the room this morning I saw that she had pulled up the carpet in front of our bedroom door. Brand new carpet. *Sighs*

I don’t know how much longer i can deal with the terror. I am really not an animal person but I try to be. I like my peace and quiet times. Don’t like to be bothered much. My bf is regretting getting her too probably because of the way she is getting on my nerves.

She is really a cutie tho. Look at her. You want her?? You know you want her.

My cat BB

My cat BB

30
Aug
08

Four Day Weekend

I am going to enjoy this 4 day weekend.

I don’t have any plans for Labor Day tho. I miss the days when ALL of us came together for a bar-b-q and just partied and had a good time. You know like a family is supposed to. I miss that. It makes me want to have a little family of my own. My very wise and smart man says “no we cannot afford” and you know he is soo right. Babies are cute but I need to figure out a way to pay for that booger first.

I was thinking, with all these women getting knocked up with no father in the picture, it does make me wonder are the women the ones convincing the men to impregnate them.

I started getting baby fever around age 22 and I would bring up to my ex from time to time that we should have a little one but he would always quickly knock down my idea.

I bring it up from time to time with Bj and he says “not right now”, but I know if I continued to press the issue I could easily convince him to have one with me.

I just wonder how many men that have impregnated these women were unwilling parties.

You know most men are easy to talk into doing stuff especially when they care about you. They love to please us ladies.

Even if the men were talked into getting their woman pregnant it does not excuse them from taking care of the baby once it is here and the relationship doesn’t work out like they had hoped.

I am just saying, I bet it was a lot of women that talked these men into getting them pregnant when they were not ready and now are mad because they not taking care of it.

Bj has a baby mama. A couple actually. It was one of the reasons that I did not want to get with him in the beginning but he won me over. Baby Mama #2 just came back into his life last year and has really been a thorn in his side because he is not being the father he should right now.

I don’t know how I feel about that. He doesn’t want to deal with her for a couple of reasons. The girl talks to him crazy every time she does call. I am not used to that. I told him I am the only one that gets to talk to you crazy like that lol. She is not fucking you anymore. But I digress. I know it is probably hard on her doing it all on her own.

Also he doesn’t just get to have the boy whenever he wants. He can’t just go get him. He has to play by her rules. She has to come along whenever he decides to do something with him. He says he wants to wait until he is older to be in his life because he does not want to deal with her. I would probably feel the same way no kidding but he did decide to have a child with her so the kid should not get punished because of the way his mother is.

I also don’t want to be the reason he is not in this child’s life which he says I am not. He tells me I am the reason that he will be in his life sooner than later because I always ask about the boy and if he has talked to him. Whenever the girl calls I do push him to answer. I don’t know if thats right or not. I don’t think I should be forcing him to be in the boy’s life but I know if I pressured him about it he would be more active in it. Funny but my opinion on this matters to him a lot. I am going to stop doing that tho. Its not my kid and I don’t want to be like his baby’s mother forcing him to see the boy when the child is not mine lol.

He made me mad though when we broke up ……for a day lol . He did tell the girl he would start seeing the boy more so I told him that makes me feel like I am the one coming in between you and seeing your child. Why?

N T Way.

I hope everyone has a good Labor Day weekend. I will enjoy my time off even if  I don’t do anything else. Maybe we can catch a movie or something. We haven’t did anything in awhile as a couple.

24
Aug
08

Everything Is Good

I really don’t have much to write about ya’ll. Everything is good. Me and mine getting along just fine. I love that man! He brings soo much joy into my life. We are enjoying life. I cannot wait to be engaged, married, barefoot and pregnant with little Chris’ and Bryants running around. Ha Ha. Living the good life.

As for work, more things have changed as usual. This is really one of the most can’t make up their fucking minds companies I and I am sure you have ever worked for. Shit is always changing. Remember last month I made a post that they had something else up their sleeve. Read here. But this time the change was actually something I liked. I can digg it. <smile> No more fucking s-a-l-e-s. Hallelujah!! Thank you Jesus! We do s-t-r-a-i-g-h-t customer service now. Something I always wanted to do. I hate to fucking sale. I don’t even know how I allowed myself to get roped into that type of job atmosphere anyway, but it is a paycheck and an easy one at that now. People call in now wanting to c-a-n-c-e-l their member-ships and I process their fucking cancellation without one fucking effort. Booooooo bitch get off my line. Its funny the customers are like aren’t you going to try to convince me to keep it. Naw Bitch your ass is cancelled!!!!!!!!!!!! Gone about your business if you don’t want it then you don’t have to have it. People I swear? When you try to pitch a sale to them they don’t want to hear it but get mad when you don’t sale to their ass lol. Unfucking believable…

But as I stated this job is always changing so I don’t expect for it to stay like this too long. I am sure eventually they will find some way for us to start back doing s-a-l-e-s even tho they just let go of the s-a-l-e-s dept last month. Can’t make up their fucking mind I tell you but I am going to ride this wave while it lasts. My job is such a freaking joy now. Calls are sloooow right now which is soo unusual for this company. Usually they are back to back all day to where I can’t even get a breath in between. Soo they have been letting people A-u-t-o now which is basically when the calls are slow they have a number of spots available for people to go home who choose to. This is bad because I don’t know how to turn that down. I have been doing A-u-t-o for the last couple of weeks and my last check was hurting because of it. Its funny my co-workers get mad at me because I leave everyday early.

Whatever! Hell they have the option to do so too but they pass it up so why they make their little snide remarks about me going home everyday I would not know. Mad because they can’t I guess. Hell its me going home with a small ass paycheck so why the fuck you hating guys?? Its funny because everybody want to go home early on Friday tho and let my ass be the one to get an A-u-t-o spot. Good Lord! All I hear is “she been going home early all week”. Ummm didn’t your ass have the option to as well which you decide to pass up. To me A-u-t-o is like a long deserved vacation for me. Soon the calls will be back to back again and we all will be complaining glued to our fucking seats. Not going a got damn where. Give me a break.

But that is pretty much all that is going on with me and as you can tell its not much buts its alll good 🙂

Love ya

12
Aug
08

What’s Goin On?

Damn first Bernie and then Isaac Hayes…They say it happens in threes and I don’t even wanna think about who may be next. I did not know that Mac and Isaac had a movie coming out this year with Samuel L called Soul Men. Interesting.

I just spent the past hour looking at different tributes for Bernie Mac on Youtube. That man was really loved by black people and white people alike. Isaac has always been a legend…a living one. Now Bernie Mac is a legend that will never be forgotten. RIP to the both of ya.

I am fed up with them damn sweepstakes lol. I get bored quickly. I don’t know how people do it. It is not fun. It gets tiring after awhile just filling in your information on form after form. I have read on several sweepstakes forums people are entering into over 700+ sweepstakes a day. I had my list of about 100 that took me a couple of hours to do each day (yes and my house was in shambles) so I can imagine how long 700 entries can take.

I started getting mad right after I won that 100 dollar gift card from Sprite because I didn’t win anything else after that lol. Beginners luck I guess. And I guess I should have just been grateful that I got something out of this whole sweepstakes shenanigans but man some people are lucky. I am jealous! Winning shit everyday like Xbox’s, Wii’s, Computers, Money etc. They got the secret and they are not sharing it with me. I am surprised because my timing is pretty good. My bf says that I am very intuitive but I guess It doesn’t count for nothing when money is involved lmao. I was even told the best time to try and win something on one of the instant win games is between 12 am and 4 am. I actually stayed up one night trying to win. I WAAAAAAAANNA WIN!!! Waaaaaaah!!! LOL. Money is my motivation. If I was winning I would be entering. Now I am like I will just enter when I have time. I haven’t entered in about a week now.

Oh well. That shit is for the birds but if I can win you can too. Try the Sprite Bring Home The Green sweepstakes. Register or log in if you already have an account to http://www.mycokerewards.com. That one is really really easy to win on because supposedly they are giving away 1 gift card every 8 minutes so the odds are pretty good that someone(not me) will win. If you decide to register for an account and need to know how to play the sweepstakes game let me know. Almost everyone that has tried on that sweepstakes has won one of the gift cards. You get 10 tries a day. You just have to try at the right time. When I won mine. It was on the second try. Also have a chance to win 2 gift cards but I have not been able to win that second gift card. It keeps eluding me. Fuck! I might keep trying on that one since I won on it before. It doesn’t end until the 22nd.

I got soo caught up in my little winny win. I was going to make a big deal about my 100th post like everyone else does but instead my 100th post was about the 100 dollar gift card I won lol. Oh well. Happy 100 Post to me!!!! This post makes 102.

09
Aug
08

R.I.P. Bernie Mac (1 of the Original Kings Of Comedy)

“The World Just Got A Little Less Funny” – George Clooney, Bernie Mac co-star in Ocean Eleven movie.

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Bernie Mac blended style, authority and a touch of self-aware bluster to make audiences laugh as well as connect with him. For Mac, who died Saturday at age 50, it was a winning mix, delivering him from a poor childhood to stardom as a standup comedian, in films including the casino heist caper “Ocean’s Eleven” and his acclaimed sitcom “The Bernie Mac Show.

Though his comedy drew on tough experiences as a black man, he had mainstream appeal — befitting inspiration he found in a wide range of humorists: Harpo Marx as well as Moms Mabley; squeaky-clean Red Skelton, but also the raw Redd Foxx.

Mac died Saturday morning from complications due to pneumonia in a Chicago area hospital, his publicist, Danica Smith, said in a statement from Los Angeles. She said no other details were available.

“The world just got a little less funny,” said “Oceans” co-star George Clooney.

Don Cheadle, another member of the “Oceans” gang, concurred: “This is a very sad day for many of us who knew and loved Bernie. He brought so much joy to so many. He will be missed, but heaven just got funnier.”

Mac suffered from sarcoidosis, an inflammatory lung disease that produces tiny lumps of cells in the body’s organs, but had said the condition went into remission in 2005. He recently was hospitalized and treated for pneumonia, which his publicist said was not related to the disease.

Recently, Mac’s brand of comedy caught him flack when he was heckled during a surprise appearance at a July fundraiser for Democratic presidential candidate and fellow Chicagoan Barack Obama.

Toward the end of a 10-minute standup routine, Mac joked about menopause, sexual infidelity and promiscuity, and used occasional crude language. Obama took the stage about 15 minutes later, implored Mac to “clean up your act next time,” then let him off the hook, adding: “By the way, I’m just messing with you, man.”

Even so, Obama’s campaign later issued a rebuke, saying the senator “doesn’t condone these statements and believes what was said was inappropriate.”

But despite controversy or difficulties, in his words, Mac was always a performer.

“Wherever I am, I have to play,” he said in 2002. “I have to put on a good show.”

Mac worked his way to Hollywood success from an impoverished upbringing on Chicago’s South Side. He began doing standup as a child, telling jokes for spare change on subways, and his film career started with a small role as a club doorman in the Damon Wayans comedyMo’ Money” in 1992. In 1996, he appeared in the Spike Lee drama “Get on the Bus.”

He was one of “The Original Kings of Comedy” in the 2000 documentary of that title that brought a new generation of black standup comedy stars to a wider audience.

“The majority of his core fan base will remember that when they paid their money to see Bernie Mac … he gave them their money’s worth,” Steve Harvey, one of his co-stars in “Original Kings,” told CNN on Saturday.

Mac went on to star in the hugely popular “Ocean’s Eleven” franchise with Brad Pitt and George Clooney, playing a gaming-table dealer who was in on the heist. Carl Reiner, who also appeared in the “Ocean’s” films, said Saturday he was “in utter shock” because he thought Mac’s health was improving.

“He was just so alive,” Reiner said. “I can’t believe he’s gone.”

Mac and Ashton Kutcher topped the box office in 2005’s “Guess Who,” a comedy remake of the classic Spencer Tracy and Katharine Hepburn drama “Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner?” Mac played the dad who’s shocked that his daughter is marrying a white man.

Mac also had starring roles in “Bad Santa,” “Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle” and “Transformers.”

But his career and comic identity were forged in television.

In the late 1990s, he had a recurring role in “Moesha,” the UPN network comedy starring pop star Brandy. The critical and popular acclaim came after he landed his own Fox television series “The Bernie Mac Show,” about a child-averse couple who suddenly are saddled with three children.

Mac mined laughs from the universal frustrations of parenting, often breaking the “fourth wall” to address the camera throughout the series that aired from 2001 to 2006. “C’mon, America,” implored Mac, in character as the put-upon dad. “When I say I wanna kill those kids, YOU know what I mean.”

The series won a Peabody Award in 2002, and Mac was nominated for a Golden Globe and an Emmy. In real life, he was “the king of his household” — very much like his character on that series, his daughter, Je’niece Childress, told The Associated Press on Saturday.

“But television handcuffs you, man,” he said in a 2001 Associated Press interview before the show had premiered. “Now everyone telling me what I CAN’T do, what I CAN say, what I SHOULD do, and asking, `Are blacks gonna be mad at you? Are whites gonna accept you?'”

He also was nominated for a Grammy award for best comedy album in 2001 along with his “The Original Kings of Comedy” co-stars Harvey, D.L. Hughley and Cedric The Entertainer.

Chicago music producer Carolyn Albritton said she was Bernie Mac‘s first manager, having met him in 1991 at Chicago’s Cotton Club where she hosted an open-mike night. He was an immediate hit, Albritton said Saturday, and he asked her to help guide his career.

“From very early on I thought he was destined for success,” Albritton said. “He never lost track of where he came from, and he’d often use real life experiences, his family, his friends, in his routine. After he made it, he stayed a very humble man. His family was the most important thing in the world to him.”

In 2007, Mac told David Letterman on CBS’ “Late Show” that he planned to retire soon.

“I’m going to still do my producing, my films, but I want to enjoy my life a little bit,” Mac told Letterman. “I missed a lot of things, you know. I was a street performer for two years. I went into clubs in 1977.”

Mac was born Bernard Jeffrey McCullough on Oct. 5, 1957, in Chicago. He grew up on the city’s South Side, living with his mother and grandparents. His grandfather was the deacon of a Baptist church.

In his 2004 memoir, “Maybe You Never Cry Again,” Mac wrote about having a poor childhood — eating bologna for dinner — and a strict, no-nonsense upbringing.

“I came from a place where there wasn’t a lot of joy,” Mac told the AP in 2001. “I decided to try to make other people laugh when there wasn’t a lot of things to laugh about.”

Mac’s mother died of cancer when he was 16. In his book, Mac said she was a support for him and told him he would surprise everyone when he grew up.

“Woman believed in me,” he wrote. “She believed in me long before I believed.”

Mac’s death Saturday coincided with the annual Bud Billiken Parade in Chicago, a major event in the predominantly black South Side that the comedian had previously attended.

“It’s truly the passing of one of our favorite sons,” said Paula Robinson, president of the Black Metropolis National Heritage Area. “He was extremely innovative in putting his life experiences in comedic form and doing it without vulgarity.

“He was an ambassador of Chicago’s black community, and the national black community at large.”

___

Associated Press writers F.N. D’Alessio, Daniel J. Yovich, Caryn Rousseau and Carla K. Johnson in Chicago contributed to this report.

26
Jul
08

I WON ! I WON! I WON!

I am soo happy that I won.

It could not have come at a better time I tell you, because I was telling the bf yestereday that I was thinking of stopping with the sweepstakes. Yes I know I just started but they have Instant Win Games as well on most of the contest and people were just winning up a storm posting about winning Wii systems, 1000 grand, computers, shopping sprees. All of that was making me a little bit mad. I am like I am entering everyday what am I doing wrong. Each win gives me a little motivation to win more. Although I have to tell you I am about tired of them damn Flat Earth Veggie Potato Chips I keep winning from Subway. They seem to have purchased too many of them chips and is making everyone a winner to claim those lol.

I did win a movie Ticket from Subway too but my printer is not hooked up. I have had this doggone printer for close to a year and have not hooked it up yet. Baby!! You better hook it up so that I can print out my free movie tickets . Got Nammit!!!

I was just telling my bf yestereday that I am thinking of giving up on sweepstakes because I enter a whole lot of different ones and guess what happened today??? Guess, Guess, I say Guess!!!

Yes you guessed right! I won my biggest win yet. A 100 dollar Visa Gift card from Coke. I love you Coke! You Rock. Thats My favorite drink right now…Coke one..TRY IT!! Its zero calories and zero caffeine and tastes like the real thing. Hey that rhymes. I have been coming out with a lot of different commercial slogans lately. I have maybe 10 written down but I can’t share them or else you may steal them lol. The bf said maybe I should go into advertising. Humm not a bad idea. I just hate meeting anyones quota. Hell I do that now.

Yes off I go. I am trying to win a trip. I deserve it and yes you do tooo!! If you want to keep track of my wins click HERE.

19
Jul
08

On Ice

Today me and the bf went out and had a chance to go to the movies. He wanted to see Hancock but we didn’t so we might go see that next time. He decided he wanted to go see the movie Wanted. Two of my most favorites actors was up in there, Morgan Freeman and Angelina Jolie. God Angelina is soo freaking hot. I would do her.I really would lol. It is just something about her. She is sexxy as hell.

But anyways, he wanted to see Wanted because we could tell by the amount of showings it was about to leave the theaters soon. Good Movie! I really enjoyed it even tho we were about 20 minutes late getting to the movies and I hate watching movies when its already started. I don’t like missing nothing. It makes me not want to watch it but it was cool. When we got there I was like is this the movie? The part we came in at was kinda like a comedy and I didn’t see no Angelina or Morgan. Baby was like be patient we just got here. I kept checking the ticket to make sure that we went into the right room lol and then I saw Angelina. Funny. I am soo impatient and was ready to walk out of there. He was like you do not give movies a chance. It’s going to start off boring. I was like it wasn’t boring it just wasn’t starting how I expected but did have a whole lot of action. It did have a few funny points in the beginning because of the other main character. He was kind of a goofball  at first.

Baby got home from work at 6 so we had plenty of time to get ready for the 8:10 showing but we was messing around downloading music. I have gotten into sweepstaking and I had won 5 free movie downloads from Rhapsody. I download music free anyways but they the were free also so I decided to just give it to him. I thought it would be fun for us to find songs together to download but that man don’t know the name of nothing and who sings what lol. So it took us almost 2 hours to download 3 songs. We still didn’t finish finding all 5 to download so I was like when you in the truck riding right down the names and titles of what you like so I can find it for you. I discovered also I love heavy metal. My baby likes rock and alternative music and metal and they have quite a few songs that I was jamming to. I also like the Jonas Brothers. I need to get their cd for real.

But anyways yea sweeping is my new hobby I am trying to win some money or a trip. I deserve it. Doesn’t everybody? Hey I have only being sweeping for 2 days now and I already won some Subway chips and some music downloads . I know its not much but it gives me hope. It gets kinda tiresome entering your name into sweepstakes forms everyday over and over but if I believe then I will win. I’m a winner baby!! My hobbies change ever soo often so hopefully I won’t get bored with it.

I am still sticking with the blogging thing because its my release. I have accepted the fact that I am not going to have a zillion commentors like other bloggers and thats ok. I do this for myself so I am going to keep at it. I thought it would be nice to have a few commenters every now and then to get their point of view but if I need another point of view I know how to pick up the phone and call Crystal crazy ass. I have also accepted that she is not going to be “the friend” that I would like for her to be but she is good for giving advice and for checking my ass when I am tripping. She supposed to be marrying her long time love in September. Hopefully they go thru with it this time. Ten years and soo many kids later you might as well tie that knot tight. He is not going nowhere lol.

Maybe one day I shall be taking that trip down the isle but I am not in no kinda rush because when I gets married its gonna be to death and let some little trifling hoe try to tear us apart I will cut that thang off. I know its good but hell you not going to be getting any of mine but shiit thats punishing myself too lmao.  I don’t know I  just don’t think people know how to be faithful these days so whats the point in marriage and I am not the type that can easily get over someone screwing over me. I have tried. Its hard for a bitch like me to let shit go. Oh well.


Well I am out. My baby is sleep and I am about to go upstairs and cuddle up next to him….

18
Jul
08

Getting back to normal

Yea things are pretty much getting back to normal now.

Me and my little bull have kinda stopped with all of the arguing .

We have been talking a lot these last few days. God I love him soo much. He sat me down and was like what can I do make things better and to make you happy with the way things are going because I love you and I want to be with you. And I told him I just want things back to how they used to be and I am mad that I fucked up everything. Yes, I fucked up. I prayed to God for him to send me someone like this and I was messing it up royally but I am done with doing that.

When I first met B I was using words to describe him like “knight in shining armour” and “my prince”. I know I used to get on my co-worker nerve like this bitch ain’t nothing perfect but it was. Man, it really was. Too good too be true . I used to try to find things to go wrong I think just because it was soo unreal. I could not believe they made guys like him in real life. I thought it was some type of fantasy novel romance bs. Most women never find a man like B. It was like he was put on this Earth to please me and satisfy me and that made me want to make him the happiest man ever. He made me feel like a woman and treated me like every man should treat their woman. He used to just admire me and put me on a pedestal and I wasn’t used to that. Lately I got to feeling like I was knocked down a bit. I was really mad at myself for messing it all up.

I know I jumped into this relationship too soon after breaking up with my ex and I pushed B away a lot because I was scared of getting hurt but he still remained patient and understanding. He was still nice and treated me well and with any other man their patience would have been ran out so hey his is just checking out after 1 and 1/2 years thats pretty damn amazing I would say.

He told me that things are going to go back to how they were and they are. He is back being affectionate, attentive, and everything. I am loving it!

I don’t know why I always find myself wanting to pick arguments over the small things. Well yes I do I want my way but I can’t be doing that because I see now how bad things can really get. B is really just a go with the flow kinda guy. He always told me that he doesn’t like to argue. A perfect day for him is just us cuddling up on the couch watching movies, eating, and being affectionate. We never argued as much as we have these last of couple of weeks…but I am committed to stopping the madness!!!

Just got to stop being soo bossy I guess.

13
Jul
08

I am just venting about my love

I love my Bf but gosh darn we have been arguing a lot lately . I think we are just too darn alike and we’re bumping heads because of it. Aquarius and Taurus are two of the most stubborn people you could ever meet and both signs like to have their way. Its soo funny when we argue and try to talk about one another because the things we point out in each other that we don’t like are the same behaviors that we both exhibit lol. I guess it is really true that things we don’t like in other people are our own defects. I always tell him he needs to look in the mirror. For instance he will tell me “You don’t listen. You always cut me off in the middle of my sentences. You don’t allow me to speak.” Which is true but he does it to. Sometimes when we are arguing about me cutting him off, he will go and cut me off while I am talking. What the hell? I am like why is it okay for you to do that. I do it more I admit. Its just he talks sooo much and its hard for me to not get in there and respond to some of the things that he says. I am impatient but he doesn’t give me time to respond. If I just let him go on and on and on and on and on I will forget about half the things he said at the start of the conversation. I feel like if I don’t interject that I’ll never get a change to respond to it. Now how do you get around that?

And either he has a bad memory or I have a bad memory. My memory is pretty darn good so of course its him. It annoys the hell out of me when he will try and tell me things that I said that I know I did not say or even when I tell him I said such and such he will tell me I didn’t say it. Smart mouth will say something like “Oh man I must have been sleep”. I can strangle him when he does this I swear. This is by far the worst pet peeve of mine that he does because its like he might as well say I am delusional. And I can never bring up the past with him and call him out on something he said because he never remembers saying it. He will say “I said that? Oh man. I am not saying I didn’t but I don’t remember it.” Well thats the end of the conversation. How can we discuss something that you don’t remember saying.

He re-writes history in his mind. He will say something and when I try to bring it back up later in the conversation when not even 2 minutes has gone by to try and make a point he’ll switch what he said around to have it mean something different than what he actually did say. So I have to go back back back back to the beginning of that conversation and basically re-discuss it until he realizes that he did in fact say what I said he did in the fist place. By then I am too exhausted to go back to where we left off in the conversation. By then, I have wasted all my time and efforts on something he forgot he said. Why must we got thru this all of the time? lol We are considering tape recording ALL OF OUR CONVERSATIONS. It is just that serious!

I wonder if marijauna does really cause short term memory loss?

He is defensive and doesn’t like to be told anything. I have this character flaw as well tho. I told you we are the same person almost. Before I tell an example, I hate to wash dishes. Eww! Hate it with a passion so we try to wash them after we use them but usually one of us will get lazy and put a dish there which causes the other person to get lazy and add their dish to that one and so and so on until we looking at a sink full of dishes. I had just cleaned the whole house and we was about to go upstairs but before he did he went and put a dish in the sink. OMG!! I heard the little “ting”. You know the sound of dishes hitting the sink. So I just said “Babe can you wash that please.” He says “You didn’t even give me a chance i was going to get it.” I swore when I came up in there he was walking away from the sink but still I probably should have just said “Ok” but instead I say ” You know if I had not said anything you would not have washed it.” He admitted that he wasn’t gonna wash it. Ok.

We argued about juice the other day. Juice? He bought two different kinds of Capri Suns and I guess he was keeping track of how many of one kind I drunk more than the other so he ask me something about not drinking all of one kind. He could not understand how I upset I got at that. I am like it’s petty thats why. I have brought soo many things up into this house that I have only gotten one bite out of and you darn near ate the whole thing but I never make a big deal out of it. I never trip over food and I am usually the one that buys the groceries???? I hardly ever ask him to put in on it. I don’t care about that. So ok I drunk a couple of more fruit punches than pink lemonades why is that a big deal? I tried to make him see it my way by saying “what if I didn’t like pink lemonade? And You didn’t tell me the limit I could have on each one if you did I would not be upset.” Plus, I feel if he loves me he shouldn’t care if I drunk the whole damn box, in my eyes. You or I can go take 3 dollars and go buy another one. It’s not that serious.

When I made groceries the other day we bought too more boxes from H-E-B who had it on sale for a dollar. Good price on that by the way! You know I had to get him because he damn near drunk one box by himself. Last night I go to get one and the box was empty so I made a comment about it. He’s like “yea WE drunk those pretty fast.” WE?? Yea umm one of us more than the other. I was like but I am not tripping over it and he was like yea and I won’t no more either and gave me a kiss. Thats all I was trying to get him to see.

His driving causes more arguments. It is another sensitive topic. He thinks he is the best driver in the world but has gotten more traffic tickets in the last 6 months than most people have gotten in their life. Which is one of the reasons why we are strapped for cash right now. When I am in the car it is hard for me not to comment but when I do that causes the biggest argument ever. I am cautious soo sorry if I see you about to run over somebody I am going to point it out.

The stuff we argue about is mostly petty tho. I think we need to get out more but money has been tight so we just stuck in the house and I guess taking it out on each other. I say he changed he was not like this before and he says I changed too and I say I changed because you changed.

Yesterday, I felt soo unhappy. There was nothing he could do to bring me out of it. I was just soo mentally drained and exhausted from the last few days of arguing that I just wanted to call it quits for real. He kept saying things like we can work on it, it’s gonna get better, but it’s like my mind would not let me receive what he was saying until he had all his shit packed and was about to leave. Thats when I snapped and was like damn this is real and am I really ready to give up on us. I know I am wrong for that but I was being stubborn and I knew deep down I didn’t really want to end it. I was just frustrated. I should have spoke up before I let it get to that point but I didn’t. What can I say?

I love my snookums. Things between us was soo beautiful 1 and 1/2 years ago ….He say we can get it back like that. I am going to work on me because I know there are some things I can change.

I wish you could buy patience sometimes.

11
Jul
08

Wooop Wooop


Big Brother is coming back on Sunday!! Yeaaaaa!!!! I love this show. I got my bf hooked on it too. He gets hooked on all the shows I watch in exhange I guess he has gotten me hooked on his boxing and he gets me to watch stupid shows with him like that darn stupid Adam Sandler movie we just watched: You Don’t Mess With The Zohan. Stuff like that does not hold my attention span at all and it doesn’t help that the older I get the more my attention span seems to wan but I still watch it with him.

I had really wanted my boyfriend to get on Big Brother, no kidding, because he soo competitive and good at everything that he does. They did come to The H too but I think we were arguing that day soo I was too stubborn to tell him so that he could go to the auditions that night. I tell him all the time he need to go on American Gladiator, Big Brother, Survivor, Amazing Race, hell one of those to win us some money lol. He is a natural athlete so he would excel at all of those shows. I wonder if there will be any black people on this season of Big Brother. They always have to have at least one token black. I mean can we get a few blacks this time instead of 1?

Nothing much really going on . The day I called My Aunt and made up with her she had asked about my bf and how he was doing. He just happened to be going to get his hair braided that day and I had told her that. Anyways he ended up not going at all but I had mentioned to My Aunt that he did not like the way this lady braids his hair. That sparked a conversation about how she used to do our hair when we were kids and on how freaking tight she used to braid us kids hair when were little. I told her that I mentioned to my boyfriend he would probably like it if she braided him up. I didn’t mention that to her just to have her say well tell him I’ll do his hair for him. I was just telling her about our conversation but before we got off the phone she said call me when your boyfriend wants to get his hair done. I was like ok thats nice of her. Then I told my bf about that and he got mad at me because I didn’t mention to her that he wanted her to do it now. Ummm how was I supposed to know…I didn’t know…I could have sworn he had already called Ms Peg in my face for her to do his hair that day.

The braid thing just happened to come up in conversation but I was thinking when I got off the phone with her damn she probably thought my whole intentions for calling in the first place was for her to do his hair lol. I know how she says she always feels sombody is using her for something. I feel that way sometimes too so we are the same.

Good Nite.

08
Jul
08

Hi, I’m Christina, and I am a Snob

HI, CHRISTINA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL

I called my Aunt today. I don’t know. I kind of missed the old gal. I read a quote the other day about life being bland or other and people add the flavor. I believe at age 26 and after oh soo many loss of loved ones I do get it. I used to be like “oh I got my man (but where is his ass now?) and I don’t need them” or “Oh them people don’t even much care about me, they don’t even call me” “They just happy to be rid of me”. Maybe its all me. Maybe that isn’t what it is. I don’t know but I guess it isn’t right for me to just sit around expecting people to call me and to go out of their way to be apart of my life and to show me they care. I am not used to it, but I am going to have to make more of an effort too if I want to stay in contact since these people got this idea in their head that I want to be left alone. Baby steps.

But anyways I call her. She didn’t answer at first, but she called me back after about 30 minutes. We started talking and gossiping like old times. I shared with her the fact that man I feel soo alone in this world sometimes and basically she said to me I seem like I don’t like people. That hurt. It is true that I have never been much of a people person. I am quiet and to myself most of the time but I never want to give off the vibe, especially to my family, that I don’t like them. She was like yea you seem kind of snobbish and act sometimes like you don’t want to be bothered. Man I have been hearing this shit since I was a kid. I have been called a bitch and stuck-up all throughout my childhood. However to me it is just a presumption some people make before they get to know me. I don’t think I am better than anyone. I just come across that way to some people.

Wait a minute. I did a yahoo search on the word snob and came up with this:

How To Prevent Acting Snobbish

Sometimes people act snobbish because they really are snobbish, while others just seem to come across as a snob without intending too. Whether you really are snobbish at heart or not, follow these steps to prevent yourself from acting snobbish.

Ok so lemme read on and see if I am really a snob or if I just come across that way??? I mean I wanna know now.

Step1

  • Understand that most people view a snob as someone who thinks that they are better than most other people are. Sometimes this reflects the person’s background, such as how their parents raised them or their financial status. On the other hand, a snob might think they are smarter intellectually than others are.

Now, I definitely don’t think I am better than anyone. Honestly. I am pretty great but I know there are people somewhere in this world ( I mean its quite funny I haven’t come across them tho..just kidding) that look better than me and are way better off than I am . However I admit my attitude does say differently sometimes. I do carry myself in a way that could be considered having my nose in the air but thats just my swagger. Sorry you don’t like it but It’s all an act. Its hard for me to just relax and be myself around people unless I really really know you and am comfortable around you. Soooo wow I am really getting to know myself right now and trying to be my own psychiatrist. LOL, but I guess my psychiatrist would say that the way I carry myself is just me hiding behind my own insecurities and where some people you see carry themselves with confidence mine just comes across as being arrogant instead of confident all because I don’t smile with it. I think thats it. Its all because 1. I’m quiet. 2. I am too much off to myself. 3. I have a hard time smiling. 4. I am not friendly. And if I carried myself the same way I do now and talked more to people, wasn’t soo much to myself, and smile more and befriended them my snobbishness would then be viewed as a confidenct butterfly. To sum this all up I should smile more I guess and adjust my attitude.

I also think this is really also just something else that I inherited from my father’s side(I get all my bad traits from him). I have heard comments from my mom’s side of the family that his family are a little stuck up. Also when I look at my niece who is my brother’s child I see parts of myself in her. She is 11 and her mother has said people see her sometimes as thinking she is all that when she really is a sweetie pie. I do see it tho. Its just the way she carries herself. She walks tall with her head held high but like me she doesn’t have a smiley disposition so she always looks bored. When I take her out I am always looking at her to make sure she is entertained and if she is having fun it doesn’t really show on her face. So I always ask “D you ok?” She tells me “I am fine. I am having fun.” I try to smile more but It is soo hard. I have to always have my mind on smiling for me to just look like that. And I am sorry but life is moving too fast for me to just always be self consciously thinking about smiling. Too much work. I smile and then a few seconds later I am right back to my regular ole mean mugging bored as hell look.

Step2

  • Remember that you should accept other people for who they are. The world would be a very boring place if everyone was the same. People are different and that’s what makes them who they are.

I do accept people for who they are thats why I don’t understand why people don’t just accept me for who I am …NEXT!

Step3

  • Respect everyone you meet. This doesn’t mean that you have to be their best friend, but say “hello,” smile and be friendly. Show a genuine interest in other people and show concern for issues that they may be dealing with. Have concern for people’s feelings.

I could use a little work on this but if anyone goes out of their way to talk to me I do smile and greet them with a warm hello. I do show concern for peoples issues. I am sometimes blunt and direct so I could do a little better about having concern for their feelings but thats just me.

Step4

  • Look at yourself. Decide what makes you come off as a snob. Maybe you are so busy and thinking about your life, you don’t smile at people. This would make you look like a snob. On the other hand, maybe you grew up as a very popular person, and began to think subconsciously you were better than some people were.

The highlighted part is definitely me and my bf has told me that I look soo serious sometimes kinda like I wanna kill someone. I am such a serious person and I am an Aquarius remember so we smart, always thinking and creating new ideas so I don’t really have time to think about a smile and guess thats what it is all boiling down too. A smile. My Aunt even said I should smile more. Damn my father and his bad traits giving me his unsmiling grouchy face look.

Step5

  • Be outgoing when you are around other people. Be talkative and initiate conversations with people. Sometimes being shy and quiet can make people mistakenly think that you are actually being snobbish.

And this will never be me. I have come out of my shell a lot since school days but I have never been the talkative type. I am me. Its funny how this article says to accept people for who they are but I have to change me.

But to sum it all up yes I will try to smile more been trying to do this for years tho. To my aunt No I am not a snobb . I may have snobbish ways but if you take to time to get to know me and look past the exterior you may like what you see.

-The Farthest I Can Please You Is To Just Be Me. I Stay True And Say How I Feel .. And Thats Really Too Bad If You Don’t Like My Swag..

06
Jul
08

Lonely


I am an Aquarius so I am always thinking thinking thinking which tends to cause problems for me because I get really depressed when I think and am faced with MY REALITY. I hate feeling sorry for myself. Like woe is me…nobody loves me…but after feeling that way and having a good cry about it I always somehow feel better.

I usually avoid this by trying to not think about the fact that I am lonely but when I think about it and I go over all that I have went thru and what I am left with I get depressed. I try to be optimistic about the situation like “oh God is blessing me to have a steady job and survive and be able to pay bills” but life is about more than just that isnt it.

When I overthink things too it causes problems for me and my bf because I push him away. I become afraid of someone else in this world leaving me yet again that I try to push him away before he leaves. I just don’t think that I could suffer thru it anymore. He always tries to convince me of how much he really loves me and he shoudn’t have to do that. One day I am going to push him away and he will be gone forever. Its happened almost twice already that I ran him off but he came back. My ex did this to me so I should know how it feels to be pushed away. I put up with it for close to 7 years and now I am treating my bf like this when he is a good person and doesn’t deserve it. He deserves to be happy which is why he shouldn’t be with me.

I do depend on my bf too much for my own happiness and I am afraid of that. He brings me soo much happiness and makes me forget all about my loneliness that if we break up I wouldn’t die but I would want to. I took a big lost when my father died in Sept and when me and my aunt fell out yet again because those two where the only ones that I felt who cared about me because they called and checked up on me a lot.

Lately I have been thinking, and yes my crazy self did tell my boyfriend this If he decided to one day kill me no one would miss me? No on in my family calls to check on me. I don’t have any friends. Lord my body could lay up in this house for at least a year and no one would even know it.

I mean what is it about me. God doesn’t give you too much to handle they say and I am able to handle it but why should I have to. I dealt with my mothers death, my brother’s death, me and my ex breaking up, my fathers death, me and my aunt no longer talking and having no friends.

When I went to my cousin’s wedding, I was embraced and I felt like I was apart of the family. People I haven’t seen in years was hugging me and looking at me strangely making it seem like I am the one being the outsider. They only know what they are told and that isn’t the case. They make it seem like I am the one that doesn’t want to come around. The only way I feel they should be able to say that is if they were actually making an effort too and I was not responding to their effort. No one calls me and no one invites me over on holidays and I think that is really shitty to be honest because they know that I don’t have any family so the nice thing to do would be to invite me at least. Thats what a family is supposed to do. Instead they leave me out and just go on about their business acting like “oh Chris just want to be by herself and she doesn’t want to come around us or whatever so forget about her.” At least thats what it seems like how they are acting.

I have always been kind of quiet and to myself so its hard for me to take the initiative but why is it soo hard for them to embrace me. On Independence day I pointed all this out to my bf he was like why don’t you call them. Why should I have to? He mentioned before that they were the big group so some shit about me having to go to the group instead of them coming to me. Umm okay so If I dont go to the group as you say they just leave me out. Why should I even care? I used to not care but like I said things have been difficult for me since I lost my father.

I been taking a long look at myself like what is about me that makes people not want to embrace me. As a child I was spoiled and I got all the attention. Everyone loved me. I had more friends in elementary school than I ever did. My house was the place to be. All that changed around the age of 11. I know I am not the friendly type but alot of people are not friendly and have alot of friends. Why can’t people accept me. I am not a bad person.

I love writing in this blog it’s soo therapeutic. I want to write more often but I am lazy. But yea even with this blog I have what 2 readers. I may have more but they don’t comment. I am thinking about just making it my own private blog since no one reads it anyway.

Maybe I should start a family of my own. I sound like one of them kids off of talk shows wanting to have a baby so that I could have someone to love me but no I want to have a baby to replace the family that I don’t have. I told the boyfriend I wish I could have 10 kids. If I had the money I would adopt all of the unloved kids in the world that have lost their family or have been thrown away and made to feel unwanted.

For those of you that have a loving family be happy about that. If you have an overprotective mother relish that. Don’t take that for granted please. You never know what you have until its gone.

Love Is…

Love is considered the most basic emotion that human awareness can feel; therefore, it is the closest to the source of life.”

–Deepak Chopra in Ageless Body, Timeless Mind

02
Jul
08

I was a Bridezilla and I wasn’t even the bride…lol

As you all know from a previous post my cousin tied the knot recently. It was a beautiful ceremony or so I heard. I wouldn’t know because I did miss it.

Lawd hammercy I felt like the bride the way I was running around getting ready for HER wedding. My boo got off around 2 ish and he did have a nice shirt to wear that he had only wore once however he did need to buy some dress pants and a tie (he didn’t want to wear one tho but I insisted). I basically already had my dress and only needed some stockings and accessories to complete my look. So why o why did I want to go look for another dress? I wasn’t really comfortable with the dress I did have . I thought it was plain and I wanted to get something else. It really was a nice dress tho I was just tripping. So we ended up wasting an hour at Ashley Stewarts trying on dresses when I ended up not getting a new dress but I did come out with a nice silver chain necklace and some silver earrings. Thats ALL I should have went there for in the beginning.

Off we went to Walmart to get boo his slacks and a tie..relatively easy. Men are soo easy to shop for I swear. When we came out of Walmart, I remembered I needed stockings so we stopped by Cato’s across from Walmart. Cato’s is where I always buy stockings but this particular Cato’s doesn’t sell stockings…..ummmm this is the beginning of my simmering upset-ed-ness. From here I had no idea where to get stockings. I don’t go to church and never wear dresses so I had no clue? Sooo from there we just went back to the house to get dressed. By the time we got there it was already after 4…I am steaming now because I am trying to get ready but at the same time upset that I have no stockings. We both have to take showers and I have to do my makeup so I already know that I am going to be late to this shindig.

Damn my honey looked good all shaved up and dressed. I looked quite sexy myself. We ended up leaving the house 10 minutes to 5 o clock and the wedding starts at 5 and it was on the other side of town and I still had to go find some stockings. If my legs was shaved up I probably would have lotioned them babies and said forget it. I had no time to shave and didnt even have a razor so off we went to Walmart where we were originally at before because I all of a sudden remembered that they sold stockings. I had forgot. Doesn’t matter because they didn’t even have my size. I need to lose some fucking weight for real. You just don’t know how mad that  fucking made me. I spent close to 30 minutes opening up stockings and trying them on in a dirty as bathroom. Some uknown wetness on my foot (my guess piss…eww!!) I must have tried on at least 5 pairs and none of them worked. I guess I stole ’em because I left them all there in that restroom and didn’t pay for shit. I am not even that trifling but I was that day. I was too thru.

But I had to do something. My legs wasn’t shaved….I wasn’t comfortable with the dress because I felt it was too short for me so I put on a pair of ugly ass black pants in the restroom, scanned the tag at self-checkout and called it a day. I was too mad and exhausted and felt ugly because I had been sweating from my little adventure and my makeup wasn’t looking as fresh as it was 30 minutes before and boy was I glad my boyfriend did not come inside with me because i would have been too embarrasssed. Hell I told him later he should have come in with me because I knew that dress was too short I felt like a piece of meat the way every guy was eyeing me. I don’t know how you girls do it but I am soo uncomfortable with all that attention. I sometimes be like dang I don’t get looked at much anymore since I gained weight but hell if I want the attention all I got to do is put on that dress and go inside of Walmart I will get more attention than I bargained for ….everytime!

Anyway when I got in the truck I didn’t even wanna go but I knew that I had to because it was my cousins wedding and I told her I was coming. Man I was soo freaking frustrated. I fixed my makeup in the car mad that I made him wear a tie but me looking all stupid with a dress and some pants on. And to top it off it started raining. He tried to talk me out of going but i told him do you want our wedding to not have any patrons because best believe if I don’t show up for hers she will not be at mine. I know my family. So we got to their side of town pretty fast. It was almost 6 when we got there. Th reception was down the street from the church and when we saw the last people was leaving the church we just headed to the reception hall.

Long story short I ended up having a good time. I saw some people I hadn’t seen in years. Me and my man looked like celebrities I swear compared to the way some people showed up there. Some dude had on jeans and a t-shirt. My man was like “see that boy hood mayne thats what I’m talking about.” I just looked at him. The food was fantabulous. I love my uncle cooking. Her daddy payed for everything. I am shocked. They did have beer, Gin, and Vokda. I drunk a couple of beers and baby had some some Vodka straight. They only gave him a couple of shots each time and he was mad because he didn’t get tipsy. We only buy 100 proof. But all was well when my cousin Irene showed up. We a month apart and I hadn’t seen this girl in soo long. We went to her truck and got blowed on some green before we left and all was well lol.

Oh and me and my Aunt kinda made up . Remember we kinda fell out in this post https://misschriss.wordpress.com/2008/02/23/update-my-aunt/ but i love my aunt and have since forgiven long time ago I let go. I just know to keep my guard up. My cousin actually called me the day of the wedding and mentioned my aunt called her to say if I didnt have a ride she would take me but did not want to call me. Funny. At the wedding she was asking my bf when he was going to make it official with me. Embarrassing. Putting him on the spot like that. They started discussing rings and she told him that she knew of a hook up she could let him in on because I told her he didn’t have the money for the ring. Funny I was like should ya’ll really be discussing this around me. Really? I felt like I really was loved and had family because of the way I was embraced but you know how it is everybody wanna act like a family on weddings and funerals and then back to how it originally was. Oh well.

02
Jul
08

Eb The Celeb Tagged Me.

Yep. I have been tagged by the most beautiful “Eb The Celeb”. My first time being tagged…how cute! Thanks girl. I barely listen to the radio because the radio is crap. But there are a few crappish songs I guess that do get me jumpin! jumpin!

These are the instructions :
“List seven songs that you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they’re not any good, but they must be songs you’re really enjoying now, shaping your spring summer. Post these instructions in your blog along with your seven songs. Then tag seven other people to see what they’re listening to.”

  1. Rihanna “Take a Bow”
  2. Plies “Bust it baby” remix feat Ne-Yo
  3. Marvin Sapp “Never Would Have Made It”
  4. Ray J “Sexy Can I”
  5. Keyshia Cole “Heaven Sent”
  6. Mariah Carey “Touch My Body”
  7. Rihanna “Don’t Stop The Music”

I am tagging anyone that reads this and wants to do this. Have fun

21
Jun
08

Protected: My Cousin J.A.C.K.I.E.

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Who I Is?

♥MissChriss♥ I'm just a crazy girl in love . I love being in love. I'm a 26 years old aquarian black female who resides in Houston, Texas. No kids...haven't made up my mind on that one yet however I pray that God will bless me to be able to give birth to healthy beautiful babies one day if I so shall. I love to write, read, cook, shop, fuck, and cater to my man : ) I am a great listener, very supportive, laid back, and loyal. I value honesty above all else. I always say the worst truth is better than the best lie. I am a forgiving person although I admit I forget nothing. I am a lazy procrastinator who gets defensive and wears her heart on her sleeve. I have trust issues. You'll find me blogging about my life, my love life, my work life, and my wants and fears. My goal is to be in school by 2009. What I want to do with my life changes day to day. One moment I want to teach , the next social work, nursing. I am still trying to find me. I am a work in progress. Soo....."Don't Trip, He Ain't Finished With Me Yet!"

Just Me

........AND THE BEST PART OF ALL IS HAVING A MAN THAT KNOWS IT AND LOVES YOU BACK FLAWS AND ALL.

Just Call Me B's Girl And I Wears That Hat Well

I Love Him

I Support Him

And BestFriend Him

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Beyonce

Image Hosted by ImageShack.usBorn in Houston in the fall of 1981, Beyonce Giselle Knowles started performing at age seven. From dance classes to singing in the church choir, Beyonce was a natural. She and cousin Kelly Rowland met Latavia Roberson during this time, and the trio formed a group with Letoya Luckett. Mathew Knowles, Beyonce's father and Rowland's legal guardian, signed on to be the girls' manager. This situation would ultimately lead to the formation of one of the most popular female R&B groups of all time -- Destiny's Child. Destiny's Child made its debut 1990 and within ten years, the vocal act had experienced personal and political highs and lows that fueled the group's desire to make it big. Destiny's Child sold 33 million albums worldwide by 2002 and earned a slew of Grammys and additional music awards. "Jumpin' Jumpin'," "Bills, Bills, Bills," "Say My Name," and "Survivor" were smash hits, and the group appeared unstoppable. In 2001, Beyoncé, Rowland, and Michelle Williams allowed themselves a break from the singing group and tried their hands at individual solo careers. Before landing several movie roles, Beyoncé became the first African-American female artist and second woman ever to win the annual ASCAP Pop Songwriter of the Year Award. An appearance in the MTV drama Carmen: A Hip Hopera quickly followed, but it was her role as Foxxy Cleopatra in Austin Powers in Goldmember in 2002 that eventually moved Beyoncé from the stage to the screen. Her first single, "Work It Out," coincided with the release of the Mike Myers comedy and cemented her celebrity status. A guest spot on Jay-Z's "'03 Bonnie & Clyde" was equally popular when it appeared in October. In 2003, she rejoined Jay-Z for her proper debut single, the funkadelic "Crazy in Love," as the press and fans christened her a bona fide star. Beyoncé's debut album, Dangerously in Love, which appeared in June 2003, featured collaborations with Sean Paul, Missy Elliott, and OutKast's Big Boi. The multi-platinum album spawned a total of four Top Ten singles. Nearly two years after another Destiny's Child album (Destiny Fulfilled), Beyoncé released her second album, B'day. ~ MacKenzie Wilson, All Music Guide... website statistics