My freaking stomach hurts. You know how when old people always talking about they can’t eat certain foods because it gives them heartburn or indigestion? Well I must be getting old because last night we ordered a pizza from Dominos last night and I like jalapenos on my pizza. It’s a new thing I started doing this year but got damn if that shit did not set my stomach on fire ALL.NIGHT.LONG. I was running to the bathroom. OH MY GOD it felt like I was about to die. I know I at least went 10 times guys! Whooo and that shit is still killing me right now.
For the life of me I could not figure out why my stomach was hurting soo much last night. I had drunk some 7 up and vodka and baby was like it’s the 7up. I am like no can’t be because I was always told you take 7 up when you having stomach pain. It supposed to settle your stomach. He was like no thats Sprite. I was like no I have never heard anyone say drink a Sprite when your stomach was upset. That doesn’t even sound right but he said thats what he was always told. But anyways smart ass was like if it was 7up your stomach wouldnt be hurting right now would it. Always gotta be right I tell ya. This is just the kinda shit we argue about on the regular.
Lets not talk about him though. He lit my damn bedroom on fire last night with his damn funky ass farts. He is always like that when he eats too much cheese. No more pizza for us right? I have never seen anyone set off as many bombs as he did last night LMAO. Eww!! Them thangs was fuckin dangerous. And then he don’t know how to switch his little booty the other way so when I have my face under the covers I get a mouth full of fart. Nasty. I love that man but I swear I wanted to beat him down last night. Finally I told him…that is soo not cute. It is soo not sexy. You are taking all the mystery out of this relationship and I am about to downgrade you to kid brother status if you continue with them F bombs. He had the nerve to pass one yesterday when we was about to get our groove on and he must have saw my face because he ran and got some Febreeze and sprayed it towards the ceiling. I am soo mad that damn Febreeze came down right on top of who? Me you guessed it. Why he gonna spray it right over my head like what goes up doesn’t have to come down. I must really love him because I was soo annoyed and soo not in the mood but thats my little clumsy man so we still managed to get it in and it was good.
Since I told him not to fart around me anymore he too kept getting up about 10-15 times last night and all I heard was brooooooooooooooooooooonk!! and then he’ll come back in the room and lay back down and then I would get up and got to the restroom and take care of my business and we did this all night. Took turns getting up.
The joys of getting old hunh. At 25 and 26 damn… we are not even 30 yet. I do love my jalapenos but dammit if I gotta go through this everytime I eat them from now on I pass. You just don’t know how bad my stomach is hurting right now.